How do I handle my unemployed, disrespectful boyfriend without breaking up?

Question

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. He told me he was basically homeless and staying at his mom’s place, but he can’t stay there anymore and has nowhere else to go. So when I got my own apartment, he moved in with me about 3 months ago after losing his job the same day. He has around $50k in debt, lost his car, and hasn’t really been looking for work. I pay all the bills, buy his food and drinks, and take care of everything. He admits he has a drinking problem, calls me stupid, is rude, and we argue a lot. I also have a hard time communicating with him because he turns things around on me, says I’m the one who can’t listen, and denies things he’s said before. We don’t even sleep in the same bed because he says he likes to sleep by himself, so he stays in the living room.

Now he took off with his friend, is ignoring my texts, and his friend messaged me saying my boyfriend told him to tell me he’s staying the night. He also left his large dog with me, and the dog is aggressive and barks a lot, which makes me uncomfortable. I just feel really sad and heartbroken.

I care about him and want to make this work, but I feel disrespected and unappreciated. I don’t know what to do in this situation—how do I handle this?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

STOP STOP STOP. I give it 1 month to 6 months before it ends. You need to stop being his mother.

Look he is showing you who he really is but your looking at it in a whole different way because of the word love

Now your love and his love are completely different yours is real his is fake because it's not there you've only been in a relationship for a year and he doesn't want to sleep with you first red flag this is how he shows you how much he loves you by not even working that's how much he can take care of you then he gets drunk and argues with you he doesn't even care anything about you when a man says he loves you and wants to be with you he will prove it to you by taking care of you and by the things that he does for you he is showing you how much he cares and loves you this guy does not love you he doesn't even care about you he only wants what he wants when he wants it and he wants you to do everything that is not love that is being used he's using you full blast

Tell him to prove it tell him to get the fuck out and tell him look because he's going to start crying when you tell him he has to go because he has no other person that will do what you're doing or what his mother did so he will start crying and say he will change because he's a weak little boy don't believe him it's a lie it's a manipulation just like everything else he's been telling you

Kick his ass out and then if he wants to be with you make him prove it make him show you how much he really cares about you because he can't do it he won't do it it's all the manipulation you need to let go quit spending your money because you're never going to get it back ever you're being used

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Yeah you gotta rip this one off like a bandaid sorry. Being disrespectful isn’t okay neither is being lazy. Unless he isn’t able bodied he could get a job at McDonald’s until he finds something else. Sounds like a load of bullshit.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Hon, this man is mooching off you and is a train wreck. Get him out of your life ASAP. You're not getting anything from him because he has nothing to give. He's been gaslighting you and he's a drunk too! Come on. Are you seeking misery? Because you found it in several forms in this jobless, homeless man.

Kick him and the dog out and find a man who works and who appreciates you. It is NOT this man. It WILL NOT work. Good luck.

CriminallyInsane · Accepted Answer

You sound like you have been far too patient already. It's hard to figure out what you like him though. I'd have ended this a looooong time ago.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you stop tolerating red flags and start getting the love you actually deserve. 💋

Girl… you don’t have a boyfriend, you have an unemployed, drunk, live‑in troll draining your soul, wallet, and sanity. This isn’t miscommunication, it’s emotional abuse, financial leeching, and lovebombing-then-ghosting.

How to handle it without “breaking up”? You don’t. You tell him to get his stuff, rehome the dog, change the locks, block him, and emotionally divorce him.

You’re not his mom, his rehab, or his free Airbnb. You’re the prize.

MzAsh · Answer

This one is too far gone sweetie. He has zero respect for you.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

The list of things you tolerate is unbearable and you know it.

One of the reasons you tolerate that is because you're afraid of dating another guy making you feeling like shit.

I hear you, now, please, what are the other reasons explaining why you're still with him?

beenherebefore · Answer

How is all this not enough to put you off? I know you care about him but what does he bring to this relationship that is so hard for you to let it go? I couldn't imagine being with someone I don't admire and this guy is not it. He doesn't have a job, seems immature, is in great debt, constantly disrespects you. Is not going to get better, this guy has no drive or ambition in his life. You need to have some self-respect and let him go for good.

Master_Debator · Answer

And we wonder why these "nice guys" all complain about why women ignore them to be with assholes. It's because they're loseers that didn't get to fuck like this champ!

I will choke and smash a beer can on your head after I slam it in missionary... those guys that won't do that... not so interesting are they?

NoDecision · Answer

OK, so why do you want to keep this selfish person again?

888theGreat · Answer

I am coming in at another angle. Is he violent? Cause if you dump him , you might have problems. I would have Options lined up if you dump him. He already thinks the world is against him. Apparently his parents through him out for the same reasons you want to. Also , does he have a key to your place? I would get that back before I said adios.. He could make a copy of the key.

darkcloud1945 · Answer

You are asking for MAJOR MAJOR problems. Kick him the hell out; he is going to ruin your life, and do not, and I repeat, do not give him a credit card because you and only you are responsible for the money he spends, and when he has ruined your credit score, he will most probably leave you with all the bills he has run up. Do yourself a favor, get rid of him, and please do not say that he loves me. He is playing you big time.

lightbulb27 · Answer

If you care about him toss him out, he needs to get therapy, go to church and talk to men if can find supportive ones in church (mens group), find work.

that's not even a friend... it is a boy, a wounded one.

Levin · Answer

Err, where is your self respect?

This is not a relationship.

Gather all his things, and his mutt, and give it to one of his family members or friends. Change the locks. Don't ever speak to this piece of shit again.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Let me ask you this why would you even want to stay with someone like that? You deserve better. You can love him more than you love yourself. If your looking out for his best interest and he's looking out for his best interest the who's looking out for yours. Don't walk away run away while you still can. Understand?

msc545 · Answer

The amount of work you would have to put into this to even come close to making it work is honestly not worth it. It sounds to me like he is depressed and not doing well and probably needs some professional help. You are not the person to provide that help because in trying to do so it will harm you so badly it won't be worth it. For his sake as well as your own, you need to break up with him.

Zally · Answer

Dont let how you feel about him dictate what his actions do. If he wanted to treat you better. He would have by now. Move on before he does so much damage to you that you can't let the next person in. If you dont put yourself first. You will lose

NathanDavis · Answer

there's only one right answer... and you refuse to do it

Anonymous · Answer

Block him please, don't be afraid of being alone, sometimes we tolerate disrespect because the thought of being single paralyses us. He's homeless and he's taking you down with him with these debts.

exitseven · Answer

It really sounds like this guy does not have much going for him. You deserver better. Tell him to come and pick up his dog and kick him to the curb.

CherryLove007 · Answer

Give him a binky or a bottle each night before bed.

RavVid · Answer

Can you expect this to get any better? It seems unlikely. Breaking is the thing to do. You cannot change people so don't try.

whosnumber_1 · Answer

I think you need to read what you wrote out loud and then question why you want to invest time into this person

WhitneySnow · Answer

Break up with him!!! I can’t imagine what you see in him.

RRT_7511 · Answer

Sounds like he’s taking advantage of you, and you’re his new mommy now so congrats. I’m rooting for either couple therapy or just dump him. You deserve better than that

worldscolide · Answer

You gotta drop him. Too many red flags. He won't man up and be better. Especially if he has you to pay for his worthless ass.

Anonymous · Answer

The fact that his momma wouldn't let him stay there anymore should have been your tip off. Sometimes when you love someone you have to remove the safety net. It's a hard thing to do. But sometimes it's necessary.

Staximus · Answer

Tell him to get his stupid dog out of your place now

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Breaking up is exactly what you should do! It’s not like he’s going to change much…

Anonymous · Answer

Lol I wouldn't have fallen for that trap of a lover  I couldn't day a layabout woman

Anonymous · Answer

at 18 you’re doing all this stuff And paying for two people and an apartment on your own. In this economy, I highly doubt that

Sunshinelips · Answer

Easy… you get rid of him!

MrChinaski · Answer

You deserve better.

Massageman · Answer

Lose the jerk.

jahaims · Answer

Stop dating losers, idiot

In_Trance · Answer

If you stay with him you're a joke.

Anonymous · Answer

Be more understanding and compassionate.

How do I handle my unemployed, disrespectful boyfriend without breaking up?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

How do I handle my unemployed, disrespectful boyfriend without breaking up?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.