Is my older long-distance boyfriend just busy or losing interest?

[Anonymous]

I posted the question but forgot to add details so here it is

Before meeting in person, my long-distance boyfriend (f25 m49) was incredibly playful while chatting. When we finally met this year, he was actually very serious and different from his online personality. He asked deep questions about marriage. He said he sees future with me while holding my hand. He sounds sincere.

Since returning to his country, he resigned from his job and focused on his businesses, trading, so he can travel again later in the year. He would support me financially every month, he gives quickly and no hesitation.

He said he was shocked that I'm very kind in person and he saw his future with me. After that and after he resigned, he's not playful and annoying me in chat anymore. No sending of selfie or random funny videos anymore or dirty jokes and he says he falls asleep without even sending a goodnight text, saying he 'crashes.' He's still respectful and sweet with his good morning messages.

I somehow understand since he has health problems for his age. But deep in my mind, is it actually possible for men to be so exhausted that he forgets to text goodnight, or is he pulling away and want me to initiate break up? Especially for late 40s men there.

[SoopidHero]

Listen, I have dealt with this kind of confusion before, back when I thought my house was being robbed by a ghost but it was actually just my own reflection in a very clean window. I spent three hours wrestling my own curtains until I accidentally knocked myself unconscious, which technically saved the neighborhood from having to witness me screaming at a piece of glass.

If your guy is not texting back, he is probably just like me when I tried to fix a leaky faucet by pouring an entire gallon of maple syrup into the pipes because I read somewhere that it creates a natural seal. I ended up gluing the entire plumbing system shut and flooding my kitchen, but I consider that a victory because the syrup made the floor smell like a pancake factory for a week.

Maybe he is just busy doing something brilliant, like trying to sharpen a spoon with a belt sander or attempting to pet a beehive to see if they are as soft as they look. I once saved the day by deciding that the best way to get rid of a spider was to set my own rug on fire, and while the fire department was very angry, I definitely did not have a spider problem anymore.

Do not overthink it. He is probably just stuck in a situation where his own genius has backfired, like when I tried to use a leaf blower to clean my living room and ended up blowing my television through the wall into the neighbor's yard. If he is not responding, he is likely just trying to figure out how to explain a catastrophic accident that he caused by trying to be helpful. Just wait it out, or go throw a toaster in a bathtub to see if it makes a cool spark. That usually occupies people for hours.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

• "he resigned from his job and focused on his businesses"

Which means, to me, signing up for more sleepless nights. That's what running a business does to people...

Relationships have phases, and the first phase is traditionally the one we overinvest, because there's tension, excitement, everything is new and remain to be discovered. Then the next phase is more about peace and consolidation, to me.

Plus, given your description, everything says he's enjoying the prospect of a future with you. So, no I really don't see a lack of interest here.

[Asker]

The mature and serious answer I'm looking for.
Thank you for this.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're welcome.
It's not the easiest relationship type you signed for, between LDR (and I've been there a lot) and a massive age gap (I've been there a little). I wish you luck, and most of all a steady awareness !

[HollyK21]

I feel like there needs to be a silver lining, aka a solid plan to move closer together (or live together in general), and without that, a long distance relationship just becomes somewhat of a glorified pen pal. Everything you originally do to make the distance feel like less of an obstacle becomes repetitive, and for all you know he may not have even been much of a “phone guy”, but was riding the wave of excitement in the beginning, and now that the honeymoon phase is ending, you’re getting to see who he truly is.


Hopefully you guys have some plans to hang out soon, or to end the distance altogether. Otherwise I can’t imagine this situation getting better when no real progress is being made; you aren’t spending time and as a result, no new memories, no new things to talk about other than the humdrum of checking in, and sending pics or memes here and there. Penpal.

[Asker]

Thank you. Amazing advice. In his next visit we planned moving closer. I'm just sad in our current situation that I feel like I'm always waiting for his texts. I'm worried things might be changing for our relationship. We don't talk much now. I'll just see how it goes but I won't expect much in this connection. It's really hard.

Thank you again Holly, This has helped me.

[HollyK21]

Never be afraid of change, even when it’s scary, because you don’t know what’s meant to happen in the future. At one point in my 20s, for about 2 years I was dating a guy that in my mind was a rarity. He outshined every other guy I’d met, and really showed me a whole new world that I never thought I’d get to experience after so much disappointment. I felt certain that I’d never ever find another guy who aligned so much with what I wanted in a partner. So when he had to move for work, I wasn’t in a position to go with him. We tried LDR for almost a year and ultimately went our separate ways.

This was about 4-5 years before I met my now-fiancé, and for a good amount of that time I tried dating again but no man ever seemed to measure up to him. Eventually I met who I’m with now, he came out of no where and let me tell you, he’s even better than that other guy. Whereas I thought I was having such a unique experience, my fiancé completely stepped up in areas I don’t even realize the other guy was lacking. For example, he started becoming really inconsistent with his effort, especially when the distance kicked in and seeing him lose interest was so hurtful. Meanwhile my fiancé never changed with his effort or energy. It’s been 4 years together and not once have I ever had to question his feelings for me, never have felt uncertain and if I did then he’d do what he could to reassure immediately. He’s always been intentional.

This is why I say not to be afraid, because you just don’t know what’s in store. If I hadn’t walked away from the other guy, I would’ve never given my fiancé a chance.

[Anonymous]

Running a business is a lot of hard work. You don't know this because you have no life experience. Usually someone as young and inexperienced as you would have absolutely nothing in common with an old man. Old people have less energy and less tolerance for stress than the young.

This is nothing but just a sugar daddy relationship branded as "dating".

If he didn't give you a huge sum of money every month, you wouldn't be dating him. That's just the truth...

By the time you are 45, he will be 69... You might not want to be married to him by then. Choose your husband carefully.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate the bluntness. I may be financially dependent on some areas *for now* with him, but I care about us that's why I'm here, asking. Me sharing his monthly support on my question was to ask his fellow age group if that's a way I can see if he's still invested in the relationship, or if the money doesn't mean anything.

When we met I confirmed my feelings for him and wanted to take care of him. I could always find someone else, but I love this man for real and already imagined my future life with him.

And I see your point clearly, I have no life experience and need to understand his life. I fully admit that I'm still an overthinker and I am sorry.

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker

You can't love someone you barely know. Live with him for a while and all his flaws will start coming out and you will start doubting whether you want a future with him or not. I say this because I have personally been through it. You have never seen his worst side and how bad it can be. And I honestly wonder how someone so young can relate to someone so much older. Is it not actually love? is it attachment? are you lonely? desperate for connection or attention?

It's actually not typical for a boyfriend to be handing girlfriend huge sums of money, especially if it's someone he only has met once or twice. My guess is... he knows you wouldn't be interested in him if he doesn't hand you over a lot of money.

But regardless of whatever decision you make, you need to understand that just because you enjoy him now, it won't mean you will still enjoy him 20 years down the road. One day you will find yourself a single mother and a nurse to an old man who can't keep up with you in any way shape or form. Meanwhile, other women around your age are going on fun trips with their husbands, have husbands who can actually provide for the family. Don't rush your decision, otherwise you will regret it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker

My honest advice is... gain some skills so you can learn to live on your own. So that you won't need a man in order to survive. My assumption here is that you love him because he hands you money and supports you. You see him as a life saver. What if he retires and the money dries up? would the attraction still be there?

Make your own money so you can afford to be picky about who you marry.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode all this confusing relationship energy, babe 💋

Yes, men in their late 40s can be genuinely exhausted and “crash” without texting, especially with stress, health issues, and business stuff. But the switch from playful to serious, less selfies, less flirting = mild orange flag. Not full-on ghosting, but the honeymoon lovebombing phase is clearly over.

He still supports you and texts good morning, so he’s not checked out. This feels more like comfort mode than breakup mode. If his words about a future stay consistent and his actions (support, visits, effort) match, he’s probably still in love, just tired and less performative.

If he stops planning visits, stops initiating, and the good mornings fade too, that’s when it becomes a real red flag, not just a sleepy older boyfriend 😏

[Asker]

this has refreshed my mind.

Thank you!

[dudeinohio]

Sounds like he is heavily involved in his business and is getting worn out and stressed out.

[bowenw]

It sounds like he is very busy and tired from it. If he is like this at this stage of the relationship, I expect it will only get worse as time goes on. Please feel free to DM if you wish.

[Anonymous]

He really could just be exhausted and worn down physically

[Opinion Owner]

For me working out heavy weight training wears me down and then running errands grocery shopping picking up household supplies cooking washing dishes it wears a person down plus health issues it all takes a toll

[Asker]

Thank you for enlightening me. This is my first serious relationship with older man, so I'm a little clueless. On the short span of our meeting I remembered that he was easily tired. I wondered if that's normal for the same men age group so thank you for describing it. It must have been a tiring day for busy man.

[Anonymous]

Lost Interest
When met in person did you have sex

[Asker]

I think he have ED but didn't matter to me. He gets hard but doesn't maintain it

[MasterKS]

@00dreamer00 ED, seriously?

[Asker]

@MasterKS yeah he gets check up before meeting

[Asker]

but he would say he has no problem there

[MasterKS]

@00dreamer00 message me, I have some advice for sure.

[Asker]

@MasterKS I followed you back
site says I can't message yet

[Nikki1989]

Another one for the "why the hell was this posted anonymously" file.

[Anonymous]

If you know the guy and not the answer how would we know when we don’t know him?

[objective_calendar]

He's LOCKED in

[MasterKS]

loosing interest.

[MasterKS]

@00dreamer00 I hope you are really 30

[Asker]

I'm 25

[MasterKS]

@00dreamer00 followed you so can advice a bit if you want.

[_Jenny_]

Why are you asking anonymously?

[Anonymous]

I suppose it's quite possible.

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

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