Does the friendzone exist?

[Anonymous]

Some say the friendzone doesn't exist and you are the one who put yourself there by staying friends with someone you have feelings for I tend to agree with that, but even if I agree I would say that the friendzone kind of exist if the person you like knows your feeling but play oblivious and maintain the friendship like nothing is going despite fully knowing, this not how a friend would act.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy relationship dynamics and make them way less confusing… and a little fun too 😏

The friendzone definitely exists as an experience, even if it’s not a “place.” It’s that emotional limbo where one person wants romance and the other wants emotional benefits without commitment.

If they know your feelings and pretend not to? That’s a red flag. That’s not innocent friendship, that’s comfort-zone behavior.

You don’t “end up” in the friendzone, you tolerate it. Once your feelings are known and they don’t match them, you either accept true friendship (no secret hope, no lovebombing yourself with fantasies) or you pull back to protect your heart.

[HollyK21]

I feel like the real question here is: can men and women be friends if one likes the other. Otherwise, I’m not really sure what you’re trying to ask. Like in this scenario:


“but even if I agree I would say that the friendzone kind of exist if the person you like knows your feeling but play oblivious and maintain the friendship like nothing is going despite fully knowing, this not how a friend would act.”



There would be literally no other way to have some semblance of a friendship if those two people didn’t actively try moving past one having a crush. If you think that’s not how a friend would act (aka “playing oblivious”), then they just can’t be friends at all and therefore, no friendzone.

[Asker]

I believe men and women can be friends absolutely and you also make a good point the thing is ignoring the elephant in the room is never a good idea

Like you're friends with a guy and you know that he like you that he would go above and beyond for you that he get hurt and jealous when you mention other guys, you would tell me that as a friend the best solution you found is to not address it and act like you don't know?

[HollyK21]

The definition of friendzone is a situation where one person has romantic or sexual feelings for a friend, but the other person strictly prefers a platonic friendship. You simply cannot be that woman’s platonic friend if you still have romantic feelings for her. What you just described sounds like a man who’s treating rejection like some sort of obstacle course rather than a boundary. This man wants to bide his time, get closer to her and gradually try proving how great of an option he is for her, but until she realizes this, she shouldn’t do anything to make him jealous or hurt him.

True friends want one another to be happy, without centering themselves as the main source of said happiness. They aren’t continuously harboring romantic feelings or playing some sort of waiting game. When a guy befriends a woman despite knowing he’s got unreciprocated romantic interest, it becomes a selfish conquest. Not a genuine friendship.

[Asker]

"What you just described sounds like a man who’s treating rejection like some sort of obstacle course rather than a boundary."

If you confess your feelings to someone and they turn you down that is rejection but if you don't confess but that someone knows but act like they don't know that is not rejection so what I'm talking about here is not rejection

If you befriend someone while having feelings for them is selfish I agree but if you develop feelings later in the friendship there is no selfishness in that

[HollyK21]

So if the guy hasn’t confessed, then how would the woman know? Mind reading? Guesses? Word of mouth? Because I don't know about you but I’m not going to make decisions based off assumptions or anything other than the person directly confessing how they feel.

I don’t see any reason why one person would have to “respect” the idea (I say idea because in the scenario you present, romantic feelings haven’t been confirmed) of their friend having a crush and tiptoe around that. In my opinion, if one person likes the other, then they should confess it and they decide what happens next as adults. It’s silly for a woman to “just know” their friend likes them, and rather than have a conversation about it, this woman avoids making this guy friend jealous or uncomfortable until whenever future moment comes that either he finds the guts to confess, or she address it regardless of whether she likes him or not.

[Asker]

Alright I agree with you here, but on the " how would the woman know" either men or women or whoever it is I think that sometimes you can tell when someone like you and it can become so obvious that even other people see it of course as you said you can't act on this assumption but also I don't think it should be disregarded either

[HollyK21]

Agreed, it shouldn’t be disregarded, instead it should be acknowledged and dealt with. If these two are so obviously interested in each other that even others can see, then what’s stopping them from making things official? There has to be elements in place, like one is in a relationship, one doesn’t want a relationship, etc etc.

I imagine friendship as fully platonic. Once the lines start getting blurred, you’re flirty heavily, treating each other as girlfriend/boyfriend yet there’s no title in place, then that is a situationship, not a friendship.

Then there’s unrequited love, where one person one person is essentially stuck in this “friendzone” because they’ve got deep feelings that the other person isn’t reciprocating. I think this is for the person with feelings to sort through, not the friend. Because once you continue being friends despite knowing they don’t like/love you back, it’s basically you saying “I can handle it”. I can handle advising you on dating other people, watching that play out and still willing to be a shoulder if you get hurt.

[Asker]

I totally agree

[Anonymous]

It only exists for men who let them selves be put there. When I was dating, if she busted out sith "let's just be friends" I come back with "sorry, not interested in the consolation prize" and remove her from my life as if she never existed. You would not believe the number of times they come crawling back to me begging for another chance. To which I respond "sorry you had your chance."

[Nikki1989]

It has never existed in reality. It is just a convenient label that people use as a defence mechanism. At its core, the term "friendzone" is just a mismatch of feelings.

[Abbycado]

It does, and I use it. I don't want to get romantically involved with friends and jeopardize the friendship.

[Asker]

Will all due respect that's an absurd and selfish way to see it, as soon as the person has feeling for you the friendship is already jeopardized, you prefer to prioritize the friendship instead of the friend this is not a good move

[Abbycado]

You just say that because you are pissed that girls see it this way. It is not my fault he can't just be friends. That is not my problem.

[Abbycado]

by the way, you are just acting like I owe it to someone just because they have feelings. Doesn't work like that. @Agape93 thoughts?

[Asker]

It would be your fault knowing that he can't just be friends but choose to act oblivious to preserve a friendship that doesn't exist anymore since he clearly can't just be friends, why would you want a friendship like that I just don't see someone being mature and being a real friend do this

[Agape93]

So it's selfish to prioritize a friendship? No. What is selfish, is for you to expect someone to throw out their preferences or desires, just so you can get your dick wet form3 minutes and disappoint us in the process.

You're entitled to shit. And even if it is selfish to not want a friend romantically? Cry me a river. Grow the fuck up and be the adult you somehow are.

[Abbycado]

@Agape93 yup. Sums it up.

[Asker]

Why are you taking this the wrong way?

"Get your dick wet for 3 minute" when did I even mention something like that

Please try to understand what I said and let's be respectful

I never said you have to reciprocate feelings or things like that I would never say that. All I'm saying is how can you prioritize a friendship and not the friend himself, if you know that someone like you, would do anything for you, get jealous for you, as a real friend you can't close your eyes on this and play dumb "to save the friendship" when you know the person in front of you doesn't want friendship anymore

How can you save friendship with someone that want to date you

[Agape93]

Stfu dude. You lost any credibility the moment you opened your mouth.

[Asker]

Resulting to insult when you don't have the capacity to make a point or having a civilized conversation is a sign of low intelligence please do better alright

[exitseven]

i do not think it exists/

[Anonymous]

Yes it does, been there, done that.

[Asker]

From your experience what is the best way to deal with that?

[Opinion Owner]

I've been friend-zoned by most girls I ever liked... I accepted the friend-zone because that way, I would at least get to be near them, and hope they would change their minds.

[Asker]

Did one of them ever changed their mind?

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately - no.

[Asker]

Ah sorry

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the support.

[Asker]

No problem