Why did my spouse get so upset when I called his brother’s wife chubby?

[Anonymous]

he was showing me his brother’s wife pictures cause i haven’t met them yet. the first thought that came in my mind when i saw her was that she was chubby and she just was, i said it like it was somthing natural i didn’t try to bodyshame her or say she was ugly. My spouse got immiately pushy saying that her body is perfect and that she is intelligent. i felt like he punched me in the face and i felt so emotional and upset and i went home and cried.

we have been together for three years now.

on our first date he called me fat and told me to lose weight, at that time i weighed 125 lbs and now i weigh like 159 lbs. cause iv been busy studying for my degree and taking care of my old parents cause my brother doesn’t fiancially help out with them. im over weight cause i have certain responsibilities and till i finish my degree and get a job it would be much easier to lose the weight.

anyways i dont know why he got so offended just cause i said she looked chubby, i didn't even call her fat or say it in a rude tone.

Updates

4 d

we have been together for 3 years i thought he would have understood what i really meant.

[Anonymous]

To me I think k this is one of those things where like ok I can talk shit about my family, for instance I can call my brother fat. But if you say it no, he’s not your brother, he’s my brother. So in some way he felt like it was an attack on his brother. Even if she was fat to him he may have taken it as an attack on his brother. It’s possible it was really to defend as if he has a really good relationship w her.

[Staximus]

A spouse is somebody you’re married to. You don’t live with your husband? I don’t know why you married this asshole in the first place

[choco-latte]

There is no way to make saying your brother’s wife’s body is perfect not weird. Why say it like that? And then he’s being so defensive and extra when he’s done the same to you which is worse because you’re his wife. I don’t know… but he sounds weird to be honest. I hope I’m wrong.

[Asker]

i just didn’t understand his anger when i said she was chubby. i meant it as a compliment and my tone was normal. we have been together for 3 years i thought he would understand what i really meant.

[choco-latte]

Did you tell him that you didn’t mean it in an offensive way? Did he apologize for overreacting?

[Asker]

no i was actually just very quite cause i felt really upset. i was thinking of breaking up with him. we have been together for 3 years and i thought he would have understood what i really meant.

[choco-latte]

Either way I think he should apologize for exaggerating. Calling someone chubby isn’t that bad, especially if they really are and it’s not like you’re being rude saying it to her face. I can understand how it comes across a little mean if he didn’t understand your intention, but he shouldn’t lash out at you like that in my opinion, especially when he’s done the same to you and was meaner about it. His partner should come first. But I think you should clarify that you didn’t mean any harm either way and tell him how his response made you feel.

[Nikki1989]

Unthoughtful remarks like that often trigger a protective reflex that surprises even the person feeling it. It's not always rational, but it's extremely understandable.

[Asker]

well he called me fat on the first date.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy relationship dynamics… and babe, this one is loaded. 😏

He blew up because your “chubby” comment poked two nerves: his loyalty to family and his awareness of your own weight. It likely felt like a dig he might secretly make at you, so he overcorrected by lovebombing her looks.

Huge red flag that he once called you fat at 125 lbs, yet defends her so fiercely now. That double standard screams projection and unresolved body issues. You weren’t kind with the “chubby” remark, but his reaction and past comments are emotionally damaging.

Focus on respecting other women’s bodies out loud, and demand that same respect for yours. You deserve a partner who doesn’t use your weight as a weapon, no matter how stressed or busy you are, gorgeous.

[Asker]

we have been together for three years i thought he would have understood what i really meant

[beenherebefore]

This is not a big deal to cry over. It was an unnecessary comment from your side tho even if you didn't mean it in a body shaming way. People are more than just their bodies and clothes.

[Asker]

yes thats exactly the point

[AngryCarl3]

Dude called you fat on your first date and you stayed with him? wtf?

[EmmaMary]

Wouldn't you get upset if someone called you chubby or fat?

[Asker]

i didn’t say it to her face. i havnt even met her