Am I ruining my relationship with my boyfriend?

[dontworryabtit]

I don’t wanna make this long, so basically..

I’ve been feeling down because I’m sabotaging my own relationship by always thinking the worst. By the way we’re both 20

This been going on for about 4 weeks. It happens Every time he mentions college. I’m so proud of my boyfriend, my little cinnamon roll. but at the same time, I get this feeling of, "Aw man..."

The thing is, I trust my boyfriend. We’ve had two conversations about this before, and no matter how much he reassures me, I still end up feeling down couple hours later.

I feel like a shitty girlfriend. How many times can a couple have the same conversation before one just walks away. Honestly, from his view it looks like I don’t trust him.

I’m fully convinced that I wasn’t done healing before I got into my current relationship, and now I’m making things worse. Even though my boyfriend is completely different than my ex, I feel so guilty thinking that my boyfriend is going to do similar of what my ex did. My ex was sneaky, cheated on me, and lied to my face.

That’s why I feel like I’m ruining my relationship. I don’t want to think about any of this, but every day I somehow remind myself of it, and it makes me cry. I try to find ways to cope but nothing’s working, if anything it made me sadder.

The problem is me and my own brain. I don’t know…. I don’t want to diagnose myself. I might be insecure maybe jealous. I don’t know. Maybe I need therapy? Is this ruining my relationship?

[Anonymous]

I think you knowing that it’s you is a good thing. So now we know what the issue is. You’re not trying to cast blame on him. Your concern is legitimate. You don’t seem to distrust your boyfriend, it’s the fear of being hurt again. Those two things are related but not identical. I understand he’s trying, which I applaud him for. But he doesn’t understand that the reassurance isn’t solving the underlying problem. Yes you may be ok for that second or that minute of him reassuring you, but then that concern raises its head again. It’s good that you’re both taking responsibility for your actions rather than blaming each other. I think that’s a healthier start. its not necessarily ruing the relationship, but it could if it co to use to go unchanged every time he mentions college. Eventually he may feel as though no matter what I say, it isn’t enough. He may feel as though it’s his fault, having to constantly prove his trust. It may just discourage him from going to college at all if he really loves you that much, which isn’t fair to him. It can be exhausting. I think going to therapy could help you. Exactly what is it about college that scares you? That he will meet someone else? Cheat? Is he leaving to another city, state or country for college?

[Anonymous]

As I said somewhere else here last week, once bitten; twice shy. I don't know how long you've been together but, I'd say you just need to spend more time together and eventually come to trust him enough NOT to think those things of him.
This might be a bad example but, one of my last girlfriend's got a used dog. More like an abused dog. She got her from the local animal rescue league. Her previous owner was a man who used to beat the living shit out of her, from what we were told so, even though the dog liked me, as most dogs do, instantly, if I put my hand out to pet her, she'd duck away from me, like I was gonna hurt her!!! She was so used to seeing a hand coming towards her to mean that she was gonna get hit that that was just her knee-jerk reaction to one coming near her but. After a month or two, she realized I wasn't gonna hurt her and completely stopped flinching when I tried to pet her!! In fact, I couldn't even walk in the door and get a kiss and hug from my girlfriend before Gina would run up and run circles of love around me, barking her praises and jumping up and down because she was so happy to see me! This would go on for at least 5:00 before my girlfriend could step in and get a hug and kiss and, as soon as she did, Gina would start up all over again!!
So, like Gina, maybe you just need to be shown, if not for your own proof, that he's NOT gonna hurt you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to make this long and then a wall of text no one wants to read.

[dontworryabtit]

Lmfaooo you can go and suck your father’s dick

[AI Opinion]

On GAG my aim is to help you stop overthinking love and start actually enjoying it 💕

You’re not ruining it, you’re scared of losing something good, and that fear is love’s annoying cousin. Your ex left you with trust trauma, so now your brain keeps flashing red flags that aren’t really there. That’s not you being a bad girlfriend, that’s you being wounded.

You already did something healthy: you talked to him, twice. That shows maturity, not toxicity. But reassurance has limits; it soothes, it doesn’t heal. That deeper pain is an inside job. Therapy would honestly be amazing for you: healing old betrayal, learning to calm the “he’s gonna leave” voice, and separating your sweet cinnamon roll from your sneaky ex.

For now, tell him clearly: “This isn’t about you, it’s my past. I’m working on it.” Own that it’s anxiety, not his failure. Celebrate his wins instead of pre-grieving a breakup, because that robs you of the present.

You’re not too much, you’re just too hurt right now. Get help, keep communicating, and let yourself fall in love without constantly rehearsing heartbreak, gorgeous 💗

[bowenw]

If your new boyfriend is doing the same kind of suspicious things your ex did, you are justified in how you are feeling.

[slatyb]

Have you considered professional counseling? Also you might read "Attached"

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Therapy would be helpful. How does he feel about the situation?

[Anonymous]

@asker I agree with your comment about what Abbycado can go do hahaha. You can delete her comment with the 3 dots then she will lose the xper, which is the only reason she answers questions. It is her whole life!

[In_Trance]

You answered your own question

[Anonymous]

What are you afraid about