If your partner has a same‑gender affair, does it feel like cheating?

[msc545]

So, my ex, not the most recent one, but an ex of mine, was a bisexual woman, and I knew that about her shortly after meeting her. During the time that we were seeing each other in the beginning, but before we moved in together, she spent some time with a girlfriend of hers who I had met and actually liked. It didn't bother me one bit. When we finally moved in together, sometimes when I was out of town, her girlfriend would come over and spend the night with her. Again, I welcomed this because I liked the girlfriend, and their affair didn't bother me at all. I did not feel threatened by it. Before you ask, the three of us did not sleep together. I don't think it ever was brought up, actually. You had a situation similar to this, and if so, how did it work out for you?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Well, I would consider it cheating if my partners started hooking up with other people without telling me, regardless of gender. So yeah, if my wife started having sex with another woman and didn't tell me, i'd be furious and would consider it cheating.

All she has to do is tell me she's interested in someone else and we get them tested before they start having sex. Ezpz.

[Anonymous]

Your situation sas an open relationship because you knew about it and were ok with it. If the partner doesn’t know and hasn’t said it’s ok then it is cheating. I would never be ok with it and yeah that wouldn’t just feel like cheating it would be cheating.

[msc545]

I think in the situation that you describe when it is being concealed from and you find out then the lying becomes the biggest issue. This can happen in many situations.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

As a thought experiment, it doesn't feel the same when it's same-sex, and I wonder why because breaking trust is breaking trust regardless of sex or gender...

For the fun of it, une affaire, in french, translates as a small company you own, that or it means a legal case. To mean an extramarital relationship in french, you call it a liaison

[MrChinaski]

Interesting question. I can't imagine it would feel different. But I'm an atypical answerer because I don't care if my sexual partners have other sexual partners.

[Sevenpointfive]

if it's out of the blue and you don't know about it it's cheating. making out with another girl that's clean might be okay to forgive, but that's still dishonesty. i don't do dishonesty.

[Staximus]

If I had a girlfriend and she said she wants to go dyke out with another girl, I would probably say “go ahead”. If she wanted to spend the night at a girl’s house when I’m out of town, that’s fine. I might feel like she doesn’t take me seriously if she did that when I’m home, though.

[slatyb]

I wouldn't have a strong feeling, I would just want to talk about it. I'm not all that emotional about sex.

[IknowthatIdontKnow09]

If she has you, why is she messing around with someone else, whether it's a man or another woman? That's cheating.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Cheating is cheating yes, without mentioning that it's disgusting too!

[888theGreat]

It wouldn't be the same. You would want to punch another guy but just try to keep another woman a secret.

[Anonymous]

I haven't but I wouldn't care... I wouldn't mind an opposite gender affair, saves me a task you know