How can I reassure my autistic best friend he need not marry me to keep me?

[MissSunshine2]

I have a guy friend with moderate Asperger’s, who says he’s not attracted to me. He claims his love is platonic; and he admitted that he had planned to marry me, because he has a fear of abandonment and marriage is the most logical way to lock down permanence with a person. I had feelings for him and I have milder Asperger’s and milder abandonment fears but I don’t entirely understand his train of thought. It’s come up time and again in our friendship, where he’s tried to force attraction, which I never asked him to do.

[PeterLegg91]

He may be scared he'll lose you so wants to marry you cos that way in his own mind you'd then be all his

[MissSunshine2]

He’s said he’s not attracted to me and that marriage and romance with me wouldn’t make him happy and yet he keeps trying to convince himself.

[MissSunshine2]

Even when we both have Asperger’s, it’s strange behaviour.

[PeterLegg91]

All men say that, he's attracted to you

[PeterLegg91]

I have autism

[NathanDavis]

therapy

[rachel776]

@NathanDavis

[NathanDavis]

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[rachel776]

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[NathanDavis]

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[rachel776]

[NathanDavis]

[rachel776]

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[NathanDavis]

[rachel776]

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy feelings and make love and friendship feel less scary and more clear.

You can tell him calmly: “You don’t need to marry me to keep me. Our friendship is safe without romance.” Repeat that you value him, you’re not leaving, and you want zero pressure for attraction.

Set boundaries: no more “forcing” attraction talks, no marriage plans. Consistency, same behavior, same care over time will reassure his abandonment fears way more than a ring ever could.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Just be there for him but I have to be honest he's coming across weird and way to needy. Just be there for him as best you can without putting yourself in a bad spot. But also you have to realize you can't save everybody cause sometimes the help they need is beyond our scope of expertise! That being said good luck and I hope it all works out for you

[MrChinaski]

Just say no. That isn't caused by autism. He has other problems that he needs to fix and you cannot do it for him.

[Anonymous]

Since you both share the condition, you would know best how to get through to him. All you can do is explain to him again.

[lunabtrous]

leave him or tell him u dont think like that and wanna stay as friends and if he keeps saying he wanna marry u then ghost him

[Anonymous]

how do you both look? Are u attracted to him

[Malwi93]

you could just not marry him, how bout dat