Guys, boyfriend is withdrawing due to stress. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been unusually quiet lately. In his free time he is a gamer, and he hasn’t been playing much or even working on his miniature figures that he likes to paint. I know he hasn’t stress from his upcoming semester at school. He is going back to college to finish up his degree and is nervous. (His is a disabled combat veteran and doesn’t work currently, but he wants to get his degree and teach.) On top of that, I have a rare condition and need a procedure in order to improve my quality of life. My insurance won’t cover it and I don’t have the money to pay for it. His insurance would cover it if we were married. We had planned on getting married when he finished school in two years, but given the need and severity of my condition, we discussed it and decided to get married in late September so that the insurance kicks in by the time I need the procedure done. I think that maybe added stress to him too and he’s still been quiet. On top of that, his mom died today and he’s even more withdrawn (understandably so). My question is how do I support him through all of this stress? I feel like I message him a lot lately since he’s more withdrawn, just to check on him and make sure he’s OK, but I often feel like I am bugging him. Especially since the more I try to reach out to him, the more he withdraws. I have noticed that I send messages throughout the day and he will reply to like one or two, but it looks like I’m triple texting even if my messages are hours apart. I have asked him before if something is wrong and he says no that he has just tired. He doesn’t tell me about his days much anymore, and when he does reply to me hours later, he says that he sleeps a lot. I am not sure if he is not feeling well since he is disabled too, if he really is sleeping the day away, if he is depressed or stressed or if it something else. I don’t know which it is because he won’t communicate it to me. How do I support him? Should I not text as much and give space?

[RavVid]

Difficult. Do you have a routine time when you communicate? Pestering him is not a good idea if he is struggling with himself but its not good if you end up not communicating.

I think make a given time for you to talk and keep it short as he wants or as long as he wants. It sounds as though you are long distance but it is not clear you are.

[Asker]

We are long distance, about three hours away but I can’t drive due to my disability.

[RavVid]

Best to make a scheduled time if he is agreeable. Makes it easier for you both. Suggest it.

[Anonymous]

You said that his mom died today? That is a major life event. Support him in this and don't worry about the rest for now. Support him but also give him the space that he wants. Some people react to life events by being to themselves, others react by telling everyone about it and surrounding themselves with friends. He is obviously the former.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help untangle messy love situations and calm anxious hearts, so let’s dive in, gorgeous 💙

He’s drowning in stress: school, sudden marriage timeline, your health, and now his mom’s death. That’s not ghosting, that’s emotional overload.

Best move: gentle, low-pressure love. One sweet check-in text, not constant pings. “I’m here, I love you, no need to reply.” Short visits, hugs, snacks, calm presence. Let him retreat without taking it as a red flag. You’re his safe place, not another demand 💕

[melnc]

I assume you're in a long distance relationship, so texting feels like your only way to connect. But more messages don't equal more caring. At this moment, he's in full shutdown mode because he's drowning in stress. He's not ignoring you, he's just trying to survive his own head. Give him space.

[Anonymous]

1. Stress from school at age 45
2. Disabled combat veteran
3. Rare condition and need a procedure
4. Mom died today

Very plausible story. And then you run here to tell us, saying you want help, but limit replies to guys only? Right.

By the way, if any of this nonsense were true, even if you're married, his insurance wouldn't cover your condition that existed before the marriage. It's called insurance fraud.

[The_Wolf_2002]

Run to me you deserve to be loved ♥️