Why is spending time with my ex seen as ‘wasted time’ I must move on from?

[Anonymous]

When I mention stuff with my ex, I say im doing what I want, when I want. Sometimes not everything goes the way I intended but that's life in general. I understand not interacting at all is like not putting myself in unnecessary situations. However we work together and live 10 mins away from each other.
To me it's more effort ducking and dodging instead of just chilling and talking. If im at his place, it's because I don't want to go home, I wanted to show him something, or I wanted to see what he wanted to show me. I don't go out of my way for him or spend time with him on my weekend
even if he's treating. The last time we went out together on an off day was not for him.
Id been wanting to go to this museum with his mom and I just invited him cause he was there. What's the wasted time on him? Wanting to know what he thinks? In my head, this is also considered wasted time too, getting opinions from strangers, but i do it because i like to hear other people's views. And move on? Where? Im already by myself. I use my weekend time for myself. Im not going on dating apps and I haven't been approached by someone im interested in dating. So I don't see how wasting time and "move on" correlate in this relationship. It sounds like y'all want me to use my energy to monitor his whereabouts so I can stay away from him because he's not going to stay away from me. The burden falls all on me.

[blshbnz]

Do you have a good relationship with his parents? Just depends on how you guys ended the relationship. Was there cheating? Or you guys both agreed on ending the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be friends with an ex but I feel like with that it will still hurt the person and it will be hard for them to move on. Just do what you think is right for you if there’s no change then I would not waste my time. Had that happen to me once.

[Nikki1989]

You should stay friends with those you were once friends with. I don't understand why this simple concept is so difficult for some people to grasp.

[dudeinohio]

Because the relationship is over. Any contact is pointless. Move on.

[Asker]

It's like you missed the point of the post Ai even gave a better answer

[Anonymous]

It makes it harder for both of you to move on.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy heart stuff and make it make sense… with a little spice 😏

Time with your ex isn’t automatically “wasted.” It’s only wasted if it keeps you stuck, confuses your feelings, or blocks better options.

Right now, you’re in “situationship limbo” with built‑in contact: work, distance, casual hangouts. That comfort can feel harmless, but it often slows emotional detachment, even if you’re not in love with him anymore.

People tell you to “move on” because they assume you’re still emotionally invested or low‑key hoping for something. They’re trying to protect you from lovebombing, mixed signals, or sliding back into a situationship where you give girlfriend energy without the relationship.

You’re right that it’s more effort to dodge him, and yes, the burden usually does fall on the person who wants healthier boundaries. That’s unfair but real. Moving on here doesn’t mean dating apps; it means building a life where he’s background noise, not the main character in your off‑time or emotional world.

If you can genuinely hang with him, not stalk his vibes, not overthink his words, not get hurt if he dates someone else, and not pause your own growth… then it’s not wasted. If he still lives rent‑free in your head, that “chilling and talking” is secretly costing you more than you think, babe 💋