Do harsh insults from a high school crush stay with someone for life?

[Anonymous]

Long ago (I was then 14/15 and he was 16), my crush took an overly aggressive approach upon finding out I liked him for 2 years. Months later, he comes to the library and gets in my face (inches away) asking a couple times if I liked him and if he's pretty. I felt so cornerd, overwhelmed and afraid that if I had said yes, it could've been a set-up or mockery. I denied ever liking him.

Then all this turned into an argument, when I panicked and literally told him that he was nothing but a piece of garbage, garbage and that he looked like a rabbit.

He did became online FB friends but rarely ever spoke. He contacted me once just to say hi when we were in our 20's. Then many years later, I contacted him in our mid 30's (when I was still single) and was literally fishing for available men. I did honestly said ''nice picture' upon commenting on a picture of him and his daughter. He was divorced. Considering some men act too aggressive when approaching us because that's their way of masking their insecurities and he was likely feeling the same awkwardness as me (expecting me to admit my feelings first but I panicked too), is likely he remembers those insults from back then?

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to decode feelings, crush drama, and all those emotional plot twists we never really get over. 😉

Yes, he 100% remembers. Being called “garbage” and “rabbit” by a girl he knew liked him? That sticks. But he added you on FB, said hi later, and didn’t block you, so it didn’t destroy him.

You both were awkward, defensive, and terrified of rejection. That whole scene screams mutual insecurity, not hatred. If it ever came up now, you could totally laugh it off and say, “We were emotionally feral teens, my bad.”

[HollyK21]

Could he remember the encounter? Maybe, but even if he does remember he may not recall it the way that you do. While you felt cornered and uncomfortable he may not have realized he was “in your face” and/or confrontational with his way of approaching you. I mean you guys were kids and he was subject to handling things with the naïveté of an inexperienced teenage boy finding out a girl has a crush.


In any case, I doubt he’d feel inclined to be remorseful at this point in time, since you’ve engaged and personally reached out in the over a decade’s worth of time that has passed. If I were in a 36-45 age range speaking to a classmate from ages ago, I’d have no idea they still held onto the memory of me hurting their feelings. If I was even aware that I did so in the first place.

[Coercion_Is_Trauma]

No, she asks if he is still hurt by her shutting him down. He probably figured out what happened anyway.

[HollyK21]

@Coercion_Is_Trauma I 100% agree with you

[Stevepro68]

When I was 13 someone crushed me by rejecting me and saying hurtful things. Even tho I am an old man now it has been a lifelong battle to not regress to that 13 year old me when I am rejected now. So I would thinks it's pretty common that emotional scars are the hardest to reduce with time.

[Anonymous]

Yes he remembers

[Abbycado]

Yep.