How would you react if she was spending time with another guy who likely has romantic interest in her?

[Anonymous]

Ladies, just want your perspective. I want something exclusive and it seems to me like she wants to at least keep options open.

Context: I’ve been dating my neighbor for almost a year. She’s going through a divorce, and she’s been emotionally up and down during the time, and now she seems like she’s on the mend. We spend a lot of fun time together. I told her I see future with her, she says that she sees the potential for a future with me, wants to move very slowly (coming out of a divorce, having hard time fully trusting/committing).

She’s always told me that she’s not seeing anybody else. Recently, I’ve seen some texts pop up from a guy. She has never mentioned him. I typically would not care, but in this case I saw the text which read, “if you’re up for it, I’d love for you to come out tonight”.

This made me uncomfortable, so for the first time, I asked her who he was. She was a bit avoidant/not exactly clear, but he’s someone that she met through her friends. I assume it’s her friends trying to set her up as she’s recovering from her divorce. She says it’s not romantic. He also got her a U. S. Open tennis ball with her initials on it (she’s a big tennis fan), and she had been out to dinner with him alone.

The text, the personal gift, the dinner, all came as a surprise to me tonight and I couldn’t help but feel that at least she’s keeping her options open. I also felt disrespected. I understand she’s going through a VERY TOUGH life event and doesn’t want to jump into something serious right away, but I also let her know after seeing each other for almost a year, I developed strong feelings for her, and I could not see her with someone else.

Updates

3 d

Update: As a reminder, she lives right above me. I heard the bed creaking above me. It was her and that guy. I was devastated not only for the betrayal, but also for the humiliation she caused me and how little consideration that she had for me. and it turned out that she was with him for most of the year I was dating her. I'm seeking therapy to get over this, and it makes it even harder that she lives right above me. So every sound I hear makes me relive this moment. If you have any tips LMK.

[Nikki1989]

That depends on the context of the relationship. There is nothing wrong with having dinner or talking to friends. It is actually very healthy. This house was full of male friends of mine yesterday afternoon, and none of that was romantic. Most men tend to overthink these situations.

[Asker]

I asked her point blank if she was interested in him point blank, and I didn't get a clear answer yes or no. I think she genuinely cares about me, but she’s not ready for exclusive. I can’t handle that after a year of dating. I was the first to ask her out, and I can understand her view that she may want to see what’s out there before jumping into another serious relationship after her divorce. I just can imagine her with someone else - hurts too much.

[WhitneySnow]

She is definitely keeping her options open, but to her, taking it slow means having the freedom to date other people too

[Asker]

@whitneysnow thank you :)

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode messy relationship vibes and avoid walking into red-flag central, sexy mind intact. 😉

She’s emotionally not ready, and her actions match that. Saying “potential” while accepting gifts, solo dinners, and late invites from a guy who’s clearly interested is keeping options open, not exclusivity.

You’re acting like a boyfriend, she’s acting like she’s single. That mismatch is the problem, not the other guy. Set a clear boundary: you want exclusivity after a year. If she can’t commit, step back. Protect your heart, love, not audition for a role she won’t officially give you. 💔

[Abbycado]

She sounds noncommittal to you and seeing what is out there.

[Asker]

I get that. It seems I need to figure out if I’m okay with her definition of slow.

[Abbycado]

I would not be okay with this scenario personally. It’s like she is seeing what she can get out of you and this other guy without having to commit.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s the feeling I get and what caused me to be hurt, even if she’s not officially “dating/seeing him”. I’ve always been direct: I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me. Just let me know if you want to see anyone else. The fact that I only found out about this guy because of a text that popped up on her screen while she was showing me an article makes me wonder about how much she considers me.

[Abbycado]

She needs to make a choice instead of just leading multiple people on.

[Anonymous]

She said slow. To her, that doesn't mean the same thing it means to you. She doesn't want to be exclusive yet apparently. So you either understand she needs to take it slow... or apparently you don't.