Can a guy only realize he truly loves you after you hurt or leave him?

[Anonymous]

Yes

Not really

Depends

A total of 12 votes were cast: 4 girls and 8 guys. See detailed results

[Nuclear_Warhead]

By the popular (and wrongful) definition of love, yes.

Something should only be called "love" if there's physical proof of flawless respect and zero negative feelings. A droplet of negativity contaminates the whole barrel of "love". ㅤ

[Asker]

Does that mean that no true love ever existed then? I’m not sure if “zero negative feelings” is possible. I love my dog dearly, but sometimes he can get annoying when he wakes me up to let him out to pee in the middle of the night lol. Minor negative feelings there for a brief moment

[Nuclear_Warhead]

Malinois expect you to become a dog, they don't let their owners be human. It's annoying to have to spend hours being physically active everyday just because of your dog. No matter how extremely annoying there's never been a desire to swear. I think that there are different categories of negativity. Let us call it fear then.

Not to be an arm-chair-omniscient hypocrite over here, but i think there's something about "wounds" and "triggers" in relationships that no dog can trigger in us. Probably relevant to our parents and upbringings and rubbing wounds the wrong way. I don't fear what a dog might do. All things doable by a dog, do not scare me. But i would fear what a woman i would pledge to dedicate my life to, can do.

I think it's relevant to the term "insecurity". And this fear is the negativity i guess. Maybe it is a picture copy of all things our parents had wrong.

I guess hurting a guy involves insecurities and fears and it's the "negativity based" attraction that we have in mind.

[Asker]

Okay that makes sense! I personally try to see every new guy I’m in a relationship with with “fresh eyes”, like I won’t judge them based on what my ex did because they’re different people. But the trauma and insecurities still linger deep down. I guess loving another human unconditionally is much harder than it is to love a dog unconditionally. I would still call it love though even though it’s slightly conditional (like not being hurt by them, wanting them to love us back)

[queenofcardio]

Some people don't realize how truly great a thing they have until it's gone, so in a way, yeah, it's possible. But overall, I don't believe that's love nor do I believe that love is genuine

[Asker]

Yeah I get that, sometimes people just do take things for granted but it doesn’t automatically mean that there was genuine love. Sometimes it’s just the convenience they miss

[Nikki1989]

You don't know what you've got... until it's gone, like the song says. Especially true with many men.

[Asker]

So valid, I get this way too sometimes, forgetting to appreciate the little things

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy love stuff so your heart doesn’t have to do all the heavy lifting. 💋

Yes, it happens. Some guys only realize it’s real when you pull away, because losing you shocks them out of comfort, ego, or avoidance. But that’s not romantic, it’s a red flag pattern if it repeats.

Real love is shown in consistent effort, not panic after you’re gone.

[FreyaRed]

No. It's just a hurt ego not love.

[Asker]

Makes sense! I’ve just seen people saying this online but I think they forgot to distinguish between love and a hurt ego

[Danny_dan92]

The opposite

[Asker]

How do you usually truly realize that you love a person then?

[Danny_dan92]

You don’t leave a person you love

[Asker]

I agree, that’s the ideal. What about for cases when the person leaves so that the person they love can pursue their dreams?

[Danny_dan92]

A person you’re with shouldn’t be a hindrance for you to pursue your goals, if they are you aren’t meant to be together

[Asker]

Fair point!