Would you be angry if your significant other made plans to see you, then decides to go hang out with friends?

Question

My boyfriend frequently does this, and says I shouldn't get angry about it.We have been together for almost a year and a half.We see each other, maybe 3-4 times a week.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend doesn't cancel plans with me to hang out with his friends, but if I know he's hanging with them *and we didn't have plans*, I try not to bug him, but sometimes he'll be like 'well if we finish early, I can come' and then...surprise: he doesn't lol I wish he wouldn't tell me stuff like that when there's a good chance he can't, but he knows I try not to come between him and his friends, but he has chosen them over me before and we barely see each other. Once I was going to see him after work and he went to see his friends and said he'll leave as soon as I get off...And he did, so I guess I can't complain...It didn't effect us seeing each other, but it still kinda said something about how much he must want to see me lol Anyway, if we had plans and he cancelled for friends, I'd be mad. We had plans, I probably arranged work and stuff around it so we could hang out and he ditches me? If he wants to hang with friends, he should make time *separate from you* to do that...

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I would be upset, but only if he saw his friends all the time. If this was a rare thing and they told him last minute and they were only in town for the night, the I would be okay with that.

I would sit down with him and make sure he knows that you don't like him cancelling your plans all the time. I realize this is only once every couple of weeks, but that is still pretty frequent. I can see maybe once every few months, but two times every month is pretty frequent. He should be a bit more considerate. Maybe instead of making plans with you right away, find out what is going on. If he can see you another day, make plans for that day instead of having to cancel with you for his friends. I can see how that would disappoint you.

Definitely bring it up and let him know that you are unhappy with this.

DebiPie · Accepted Answer

Yes, if he made plans with me and frequently cancelled them, yes, I would be upset "frequently." How would he feel if you did that to him? I think he would get mad and say that you are putting your friends before him. You can't say that he doesn't see them often because you said he does this "frequently," denoting that he sees them frequently.

I would tell him that you would prefer not to make plans with him if he is going to break them. Maybe he can plan a regular guys night ahead of time. If not, start cancelling on him for your girlfriends, see how he likes it. Maybe he'll stop. If not, live with it.

WoodWizzard87 · Accepted Answer

If he has known his friends for a long time, and even if your his girlfriend, they take precedent some of time, especially if it's guy time.  If he calls you and tells you that he'll be Kate or he needs some time with bros, it's fine once in awhile.  If a long time friend of yours was in town for night and you already had plans, would you call him and tell him your gonna see your girlfriend for a bit?

Brando · Accepted Answer

Yes, that would really upset me. Not only would I have a plan laid out for what I had going on with the date or whatever it is, but it's just low to make plans and KNOW ABOUT THEM...only to get into something else later on. I can understand legit excuses, but just going to hang out with friends when we already had plans is just aggravating.

Knox394 · Answer

I think it depends on the situation. Him having guy time is just as important for you to have girl time. It depends on how frequently it has happened and the reason for it. For example, a guy I have been dating for maybe two weeks, have had plans this weekend with his best friend way before I came into the picture. We were suppose to meet earlier this week but alas, we were both extremely busy with work, him being on call and worked long hours and I work on a 12 hour shift basis, which the only possible day left for us to meet is Friday. At first we were going to just meet next week and it was fine to me. I didn't know about his plans for this weekend until today and I didn't blame him for not telling me earlier as we are still very early in the dating stage. But he cancels plans with his friend for just one day out of the whole weekend to hang out with me. Another similar situation happened last week, he cancelled plans with me to hang out with his friends but his plans with his friends were done beforehand and it was a birthday party he just forgot. What I am trying to say is that you should be a bit understanding as it could mean a lot of different things as to why he had to cancel and it also falls on trust, do you trust he is telling you the truth. But if this happens too often, a talk with your boyfriend should be a priority as you are not there for when he's bored. He made a commitment to you by being your boyfriend if he can't keep up with it because his priorities are elsewhere then you should prioritise yourself and do what would ultimately make you happy. You do not have to fight or argument with him be calm and cool and just express your concern about this situation and see what his response will be. From just his response you should know if he is either doing it to get away from you or he just genuinely wanted to make time with his friends. Good luck! X

saphirasilverwings · Answer

Yes, absolutely. Once you make plans with someone, it's very rude to go "Oh, I think I'd rather do this today instead." If he needs to cancel due to something unavoidable like an illness, a work obligation, or a family matter, then that's different. But canceling plans with you to hang out with his friends is really inconsiderate and disrespectful. He should make plans with his friends for another time when he's free. The plan that's made first should get priority for that time slot. If he wants to see his friends more often, he should make plans with them in advance and save free time to spend with them.

ShootingStar5 · Answer

In most cases yes I'd be upset. It's rude to make plans with someone and then just decide to hang out with someone else instead. It would also make me feel like I'm a lower priority to him. If it was for a special occasion like a friend's birthday or some other celebration then I'd understand.  But if he makes it a habit of throwing plans with you out the window like that I'd be very upset about it. Talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel. If he cares about you and understands your side of things then he'll put in more effort to follow through or at least not make plans if he thinks he might not keep them. Just try to be civil and understanding about it when you talk to him, you don't want him to feel like he's under attack.

aly-marie · Answer

I would get angry if it happened pretty frequently, like it does with you. I'd tell him he either needs to stick to his plans or I will no longer be making plans with him. It's one thing that he doesn't get to see his friends very often, but that's something he should think about beforehand instead of just cancelling plans with you. There's no reason he couldn't make plans with his friends ahead of time and then let you know that he can't make plans with you for that day. He just isn't respecting you when he does that, your time is valuable too and you certainly don't want to be waiting around for him and then have him cancel at the last minute.

tohrment · Answer

It isn't even about him being your boyfriend, or him putting you first or anything like that. If you make plans, stick to them (unless you have a legit excuse not to). If I made plans with my boyfriend, I wouldn't bail out on him for my friends. Nor would I do it to my friends for my boyfriend if we made plans first, you know? It's just polite.

Standingpretty · Answer

If he wants to hang out with his friends so bad, why doesn't he make plans to see them first and tell you of his plans? That's just disrespectful ditching you like that when you have made plans. I bet that you probably haven't done the same thing back to him. Maybe you should make plans with him and then "go see your friends". Maybe a taste of his own medicine will serve him well. If he wants to make plans and go see his guy friends, he can do it on his own time instead of wasting yours.

djhohrath · Answer

Every couple of weeks? there's nothing wrong with that and the huge piece of advice I'll give you is don't try and come between him and his friends, like while their hanging out don't constantly text him and bug him to come be with you  because then his friends will hate you and talk sh*t on you and he'll eventually believe them, and if he only sees them once in awhile you should leave him alone anyway lol

MWalsh89 · Answer

He and I had a fight about this as for awhile we were long distance and we then planned to see this big game at my school, I'd gotten tickets, etc. then the night before he cancelled. Originally his reasoning was his friends, but then turned into another crap. I don't mind his friends, in fact I even love some of them, like you would love other friends. It was just the sudden change, which is totally understandable.

20Questions · Answer

Sounds like he's too familiar with ya. I used to cancel nights with friends etc to spend even a few hours with my girlfriend. And when she changed her mind once to go see friends after we had arranged a night together, I was annoyed and hurt. I just wanted to be with her, not every day of course but as much as possible. I think you need to seriously speak to your man...

Eat_Sleep_Paint_Love · Answer

YOU made plans to hang out with ME and then frequently cancel to go hang out with your friends. Yeah, I'd be mad too. If you want to hang out with your friends, that's fine, but don't tell me you want to hang out with me first then go hang with them. That's not cool.

Eiffelgirl21 · Answer

I wouldn't be mad, just hurt. He is making his friends #1 and that shouldn't be the case.

Especially, when you already made plans. I have had it happen to me with my boyfriend...but, that was when we first started dating. He would never do that now. I hope.

xXxAx3LxXx · Answer

That's fkn bs, I would be pisst. If a have a girlfriend, first its her and then my friends. People need to learn to prioritize things that are most important in life. In this case I feel your boyfriend considers more his friends then he considers you. In other words he prefers his friends over you.

l-hedoniste · Answer

I don't care if your see your friends, just don't stand me up to do it. Just tell me. I can make other plans.

rachel05 · Answer

ya I would.. if they wanna spend time with me.. than make it happen.. if they kept cancelling, I'd feel like they don't wanna spend time with me... but I would be understanding if he doesn't see them much.. but if it happened frequently that he cancelled.. I'd get upset.

justlilly · Answer

Well, on one hand you do see him pretty frequently. However, that doesn't excuse his actions. If he is going to make plans with you, he needs to stick to it. Otherwise he is showing you that he isn't very dependable. And for a girl, that is a bad sign in the long term perspective.

hakuna_matata · Answer

well ... he shoukd  not do this.. ask him not to make plans in advance... so tht you will not feel ignored and unimportant. if he has made a plan with you then he shd stick with it.plus you shd not be so dependent on him... you have frnds too... have fun with them

Lights · Answer

argh, my ex use to do that too..

I mean I was always reasonable, he has a life as well.. but if it came down to him trying to get out of our plans we already made because he wanted to be with his friends well, I'd be a bit mad.. and I think that's understandable, I'm sure he would be too if you did the same to him.

2confusedgirl · Answer

Once in a while fine, these things happen but once every other week is a lot. Sure he has every right to hang with his friends but constantly breaking plans is rude and disrespectful. Like I said once in a while fine but he is doing it a lot.

Blankname1 · Answer

Would not be angry,but would be annoyed.That is disrespectful if he does it a lot.The first few times is okay,but after that it's disrespectful. He needs to show you more respect.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

F*** ya I would. It's such bullsh*t to make plans then bail on someone even if they aren't your lover. -_-

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the circumstances. If we'd expressly made plans then he cancelled them late, I'd be annoyed. If he let me know a while in advance, and we hadn't decided on doing anything specific, then I'd be more forgiving.

I'd also be fine with it if I suggested meeting up on a Tuesday for example (since this is a day we're both usually free) then he said he couldn't that week cos he was out with his friends.. Then he's not really cancelling plans though..

skaterd · Answer

I would be upset, esp. cause you guys have been together for awhile, have you talked to him about it?

Anonymous · Answer

My boyfriend and I have the opposite problem.  I want to hang solo or with friends and he wants to spend every day together.  4 times a week is still seeing him, it's not like he ditches you every night, right?  Why shouldn't he spend time with other people every few weeks?

Kangajay · Answer

Even when a friend does it I get mad because this makes me wonder how much they care about me.

Of course you have every right to get angry about it, tell him not to make plans if he is to change his mind.

gialuan · Answer

If we already had plans set down and everything, yes, I would be mad at him. But if we said we'd let each other know if we're free that day and he decides to hang with his friends, then no, I would not be mad.

Baby-Gurl · Answer

Yes, it does upset espcially if it is last minute and I am already ready but I can understand if my guy wants to hang out with his friends but if it happens a lot then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.

hikinggirl · Answer

that sh*t irritates me its disrespectful to break plans you made to hang out with someone else no matter who you are boyfriend or not

dede15 · Answer

My boyfriend works in pipeline and he cancels plans every now and then talking about he's tired or it has been a long week.
I only see this man once or twice a month.
Made plans today and about a few hours before he's like I can't make it. Don't make plans with me if you know you got things going on. Thats why I can never get exited about what he says.

Dimonik · Answer

It's not something a person should do really. But when you spend just about half your week together I do understand why he would want to spend a little bit more time with his friends...

agirlwhoisagirl · Answer

it would depends, if it was a one time chance, like a concert, I'd be a little sad, but I would totally understand that, but if he decided to go see a movie when he made plans with me, I would be hurt.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like your boyfriend got too comfortable in the relationship that he doesn't care for your feelings or consider you in his plans. You come second place. This is not cool at all. You should tell him that it bothers you.

lustful1 · Answer

if he does it all the time I would start getting pissed off but ask him to make time for you and see how that goes

allicansayisthis · Answer

Doesn't even have to be my SO. If a friend does that to me, I'll get upset.

CubanRaftRider · Answer

He shouldn't make plans with you if he wants to see his friends instead.  Or see his friends outside of his plans with you.

phantaseas · Answer

not unless he blows you off almost every single time. or if he stops telling you he can't follow through.

MorganTey · Answer

yes I would. it would make me feel like I'm not that important to him

arashmenalagha · Answer

I hate it when people call them significant others. you should let him have some friend time for him self.

PoeticNinja · Answer

No, I would go make plans with my friends then..

Ruiner · Answer

Get rid of this loser.  He's decided bros before hos.  Guess which one that makes you to him.

Anonymous · Answer

Learn to share. You sound like a possessive girlfriend. That's no fun. I wouldn't date someone who expects me to be their sole provider of entertainment. Seriously, he hangs out with someone else even once a week and you're seeing him four other times, yet you complain?!

Why the lockdown? Don't you have personal interests of your own?

Yeahhbro · Answer

yes unless we have hanged out for far too long and I haven't seen the buds inn a while

SlicedupMango · Answer

well if there are plans yah I'd be rather upset about it. other than that it something like that comes up I'd rather talk over it.

stillagoodgirl · Answer

I would but then again guys need their 'guy time' with the guys

ep7cmatt77 · Answer

I wouldn't call him your Boyfriend if he never sees you lol.

Anonymous · Answer

I won't tip toe around this. I WOULD BE EXASPERATED! You made plans to hang out. So stick to it.

Anonymous · Answer

Shouldn't get angry about it? Bs... you should, I mean, why does he even makes plans? when he frequently does this...

Anonymous · Answer

I would be OK with it, unless it was really important for me.

CasaNorba · Answer

i don't know why, but I think I would get mad

InMyHeart · Answer

I'd be kind of hurt, yeah.

smokahontas · Answer

ummmm yeah?

johari · Answer

Yea

Anonymous · Answer

pretty much so.

Anonymous · Answer

What a jerk

Anonymous · Answer

No id understand

Would you be angry if your significant other made plans to see you, then decides to go hang out with friends?

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