How do you feel if your partner made plans to go out with friends’ and totally excluded you without discussing it with you first?

[Finchie40]

It seems a lot of relationships experience this sort of thing happening, and the one partner feels left
Out, jealous, and excluded , which they have every right to feel that way , because a relationship takes 2 people choosing each other not one , When a partner doesn’t include their partner , it can easily add fire into that relationship,
I’m not saying your partner has to hold your hand everywhere you go , but you should always discuss things with your partner before making final decisions with friends’ Most people don’t grasp this concept and they wonder why they end up single again. How do you feel if your partner did this to you?

[sage2021]

What goes through my mind is if she was afraid to tell you because of what your reaction would be.
Like the old saying goes "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission".
From reading previous things you've written, you want your woman to be with YOU are if she's not, then it's over and you're done!
Maybe you don't have such a tight rope on your woman like you have in the past, but that would be my guess. She's afraid to tell you because of what you're reaction might be.
In your past you have mentioned that your woman should be with you and not her friends because you became a couple, and you will spend all of your time with her, and she should do the same. Does she know your feelings about how you feel about that?
If you want her to tell these things then you need to be approachable, and maybe she will feel better about telling you she's going out with her friends. And make her feel like you are glad she's going to be spending time with her friends. Give her a quick kiss 💋 😘 as she's going out the door to be with them for a while.
You gotta let her have her friends and not feel like she's been put on a guilt trip by you, thus ruining her time with her friends.

[Finchie40]

No , I am always fine with her going out with her friends’ if she discussed it with me first , but if she deliberately excluded me and didn’t discuss it with me until last second , I consider that a red flag especially if she never did that before

[Anonymous]

I don't mind when a partner wants to go out by themselves - I mind if they don't tell me ahead of time or invite me with. 95% of the time (when I know he wants to have a boys night) I'll say 'thanks for the invite but you can go by yourself.' And we both would be fine with that. I'm not going to force my partner to stay home just bc I don't want to go out that day.

But, what I had to deal with with my ex was a partner that would make plans without me, and when I did the same thing (making plans and not include him) I got in trouble and got accused of wanting to fuck around. WTF

So after that... I was wondering, what does he do on his boys night out or camps, that makes him have that kind of mindset...

He kinda shot himself in the foot with that reaction. So since he wanted a full Agenda of Why, When, With who, where and what time out and in... as well as share my Google location so that he can see that I am where I said I'll be... He had to do the same and he didn't like it.

So I don't like it and don't trust it either anymore and probably would find it disrespectful too if it happens again. If your partner wants to go out, they need to tell you ahead of time AND/OR give you the choice to come with or not.

[Finchie40]

I agree with this , if your partner has a shit about you going out but it’s complete alright for them to go out , then that’s a huge red flag , and something you should really reconsider on whether they are the partner for you , My ex would have a shot when I would go out with friends’ and make a scene about it , but when it came down to her going out with friends’ I was supposed to be cool about it , and that’s where I drew the line , if it’s not ok for me, it’s not ok for you period

[Purpleronnie]

I’m not sure I’d be that bothered other than maybe it’s a little thoughtless , I could have done with a little more time to prepare my own night if I was interested in going out too. But I’d just want her to have a good time. It would be so out of charachter for my lady to do something like that though. We have a shared calendar where we put on our socials and each others because life is busy and we respect each other.


Going out with friends though either solo or together , it’s not really spontaneous because obviously our friends have lives , work and families too so things have to be planned otherwise they just don’t happen generally 🤣

[dwreborn]

I feel you have to let your partner have their space with friends to much time together can be just as bad as to much apart iam going through it now friends can't over take your relationship to much time spent with friends is a deal breaker too I know from experience

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, my aim on Girls Ask Guys is to unravel these relationship puzzles. If my partner made plans without including me, I'd probably feel like a forgotten sock at the back of the drawer – a bit left out and maybe even a tad green with envy. But hey, relationships are all about the dance, right? 💃 Communication is key. Talk it out with some humor and love, and you'll avoid becoming a ghosting statistic. It's not about holding hands 24/7, but about making choices with mutual respect. Let’s keep the flame burning, not the drama! 🔥

[Genie23]

To be honest, it wouldn't bother me much. He had friends before I came into his life and if he wants to spend time with them sometimes without me, that's totally fine. I mean, you can't expect your partner to always take your everywhere he/she goes or to take your permission or ask you whether it's alright if they go out sometimes. Now if it happens too often or everytime that's when probably it would bother me.

[Finchie40]

I agree but what if it’s constant , your partner always excludes you no matter what? Me personally would feel like what’s even the point of being on this relationship if they no longer wanted to spend time with you and no longer wanted to experience things together? I rather be single then be with someone that just likes the convenience of me , so I would dump her ass and find myself a girl that wants to experience things together , that wants to work as a team , that doesn’t constantly want to exclude each other , She becomes my top priority hoping she does the same for me , if not? That relationship isn’t going to last because it will just be a matter of time before one of ya throws in the towel or meets someone else that wants to spend time with you. My friends’ ever come over my partner , but if she doesn’t do the same for me , then she isn’t a partner to me , she is just a convenience, I’m not saying you can’t spend a lone time with friends’ but if it becomes a priority over your partner , then why even be in a relationship whatsoever?

[Genie23]

I hear you. If she goes out with her friend very often but never invites you and you feel constantly lonely/left out then you should simply tell her what you expect from her and how she makes you feel but I can understand why you would rather not want to be with her anymore. 😅

[Screenwriter]

The only thing a partner needs to do when going out with the boys or the girls without their SO is to say, "Thursday the three amigos are heading out at 7. I should be back by midnight. No need to wait up. I'll have dinner with them."

A good partner knows their SO has friends that he or she goes out with without the partner. The partner may have a similar set of friends and occasions. There is no need to feel jealous or ignored. The SO has had these friends long before the partner was part of their life. Or maybe the SO developed these friends during the partner/SO relationship. It doesn't matter.

Couples are not joined at the hip, and no one needs "permission" to hang out with friends on their own. Common courtesy means you give your partner a heads up before you go out. A few days in advance is best.

But no partner should believe they have to be with their SO all the time. It's not healthy. And being with other folks, or even alone at home, gives each partner recharging time.

[Beckybooboo]

I think it depends how far into your relationship you are. Early on, I'll definitely let him know, "I'm going out with friends". Every guy I've been with was fine with that. They were like, "Okay, have fun" lol When we were in a more serious relationship, I would ask him if he "minded me going out" with my friends. They were always like, "yeah, that's fine, whatever"... When we were REALLY serious, I would ask him if he actually wanted to hang out with my friends and me 😂.. On the other side, I have no problem with him hanging out with his friends, as long as I know where he is. I always told him, his friends were there long before me and had an influence for the man he is, so, I sort of trust them 😂 PLUS, I'm a sober driver.

[Finchie40]

That’s fine , but what if your boyfriend deliberately excluded you and didn’t discuss with you where he was going and just excluded you all together?

[fantasticass]

This happened to me recently. It's extremely disrespectful and it's called " detachment abuse". They do not hold themselves accountable for their bad behaviour. It comes down to insecurities and jealousy of the other person. It's toxic, and I ended my relationship with that person.

[Finchie40]

Wise decision

[Anonymous]

He has friends as do I. My guy literally got a call for a concert that night. His friends had an extra ticket; and while he did discuss it with me but it was more a hey I’m in the car on my way to where this concert is. As opposed to hey do you mind if I go.


Was I a little bummed that he wouldn’t be there to support me at an event yeah, but at the same time I had friends at that event to participate and support me in. He was however told to bring me back a tshirt or he’d be sleeping on the couch lol

[NordicInScandinavia]

As long as the dude doesn't have plans with me then he can make all the plans he wants as long as he fills me in about them. He's my partner, not my child who needs my permission to schedule his time or do what he wishes.

[Finchie40]

What if he deliberately excluded you and didn’t discuss it with you whatsoever

[NordicInScandinavia]

As long as the dude fills me in on his plans, so I don't worry when he's not home I don't give a flying fuck.

I do not need to be included in every single aspect of his daily life or he the center of his universe, again he is my partner not my child (nor parent for that sake). I feel sorry for people who have that need, that they need to be included on everything as in they can't do alone

[WhitneySnow]

Furious

That being said, I understand my partner has friends. So do I. But you make it sound like they deliberately excluded me without even talking about it with me.

[Finchie40]

Yes, if they deliberately excluded you without even talking to you about it first , is the question , so how would you feel? Apparently this sort of thing happens in a lot of relationships and a big part of the reason a lot of relationships don’t make it , I dumped my ex because she started doing this to me , I felt like I was just her convenience and that my feelings didn’t matter to her whatsoever, considering she never done shit like this before and I never did this to her before , so to me it was a big red flag that she was up to no good , but if she discussed it with me prior , then I wouldn’t make a big deal about it whatsoever

[WhitneySnow]

Yes that would really bother me. I would never try and stop my boyfriend from going out with the guys, but I would expect him to tell me about it and not stay out till 3 am every time and hopefully not do it every weekend. I get that he needs time with his friends, but our time together is important too, especially since we go to different schools and don’t see each other all the time.

[Anonymous]

I’d be a bit upset, as he didn’t give me a heads up.
I mean if he told me the day before “hey I’m gonna go hang out with so and so tomorrow night at this place, you gonna be alright?” Yeah sure cool, just let me know when you leave, make it there, and when your heading home so I know your safe. But that also gives me the time to decide what place I want to order in from and what movies I want to rent to watch

[Nikki1989]

I don't care. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have freedoms. You just need to say where you are going and when.

[__Nikki__]

My husband can hang out with his friends without me, and I see my friends without him. We don't need to ask each other permission to do it, we just let each other know if we're out one evening or whatever.

[Finchie40]

What of your husband deliberately didn’t discuss it with you and excluded you?

[__Nikki__]

It's not excluding me if he's hanging out with his friends, we don't need to do everything together

[chrissykerdock]

if i was ladies i would let it go if it were mixed definitely pissed

[sirderpsalot123]

I always want to know where she's going and when she plans on being back for safety reasons.

[robocop666]

not a good sign

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't bother me much.