We were getting ready to play a game together on the computer and I could not find my headphone wireless receiver dongle.
He came upstairs to help me look, while I was looking for it and suggested the dogs ate it. I said no I don’t think they would do that.
Then he suggested I didn’t put where I thought I did. I said no “I know I put it here on the counter” and I continued to look for it in the kitchen.
He immediately got pissed at my objections to his scenarios. He started yelling me and and then walked out of the room.
I followed him and asked him why he was so mad and he continued to yell at me. He said that I was accusing him without, outright saying it. I said “ I never even considered it missing his fault”, he continued to yell so I left him alone.
I went back upstairs to look for it and he started texting me saying I accused him because no one was left to blame but him so I was accusing him by default.
I said I’m not blaming anyone I’m more concerned to find it.
Well I found it a few minutes later just about 2 feet away on the counter from where I put it, which I imagine it just slid on the granite into the corner of the counter when I tossed it up there. The dogs didn’t eat it and pretty much was almost exactly where I thought I put it.
Anyways - he yelled at me in all caps over text repeatedly, despite me trying to say I never once even had a thought it had anything to do with him. I even said “I love you and I never once had a thought to blame you, I don’t understand why you are unloading on me”.
He continued to yell at me that I didn’t have to say it, and that it was the only option left after I denied his scenarios.
After that he went to bed alone and I pretty much just sat in my office shaking and anxious at the intensity of the situation and his lashing out me.
Does anyone else feel they would be irate in a situation like him? I’m trying to understand why he came down on me so aggressively.
This is not normal. I most definitely would not get mad at my significant other for something like that. You quite obviously did nothing wrong and he has no right to lash out at you like that. I would suggest trying to talk more about this with him. And if he isn’t willing to do that, maybe consider the possibility that you need to move on. I don’t know the entire situation though. He seems to be having trouble with anger and is quick to feeling insecure, like he’s a victim. Probably came from some kind of trauma he experienced in the past, but if he isn’t willing to bring all that nasty stuff up and learn to let it go, stuff like this could happen again. Also, open communication and understanding of each other are incredibly important in a healthy relationship. Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want and if he’s providing enough of that or not.
Oh! And i forgot to mention trust. He doesn’t seem to trust you very much, which is also really important in a healthy relationship. To continue this relationship, you guys need to work together to build up trust more.
I agree with you. I’m super upset but I just don’t want to escalate so I’m hoping he’s more calm in the morning and I’m just sleeping on the couch. I really just don’t get where this comes from and the intensity of the rage/ yelling etc, hateful demeanor. I really am just sitting here like “omg I need to just leave, because I can’t handle this type of confrontation anymore”. But I love him very much and I’m also not ready to let go.
Yes he doesn’t trust me at all. But we’ve been together a year and a half and I have never broken his trust once. Yet he never believes my intentions about anything when he’s triggered.
Thanks for the response by the way, not feeling so hot mentally right now. Much appreciated.