When you fight, do you ever threaten to break up? or say that you don't know if you still love the other?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i say it all the time. i let them know know that what they are doing is really upseting me, and i try to work it out with them. if we are still fighitng about it, i tell her i dont want to put up with this, and that if its continues, i will leave. It not about control or manipulating them, its standing by your own beliefs. i say it because i STILL have faith that the relationship can work, but im standing up for my self saying i won't take this kinda of a abuse (verbal, physical, or emotional) and that i will leave if this is what being with them will be like. when i date, im looking for someone i can marry, and im going try to find someone i get along with, i will not compromise, i wanna be happily married with a wife who i and and she loves me, and who i can communicated with maturely. i want a wife/girlfriend who seeks me as an equal, and can stand up to me, without being an entitled bitch about. I dont have to compromise, and if i dont find a girl that is compatible with me, then il alone, but thats my choice. I will not EVER remain in an abusive relationship, and if it looks like it is going that way, i will warn them that i will leave and the abusive behavior remains. its the same way a woman threatens to divorce their husband if the husband is being abusive. No one should ever be forced to marry someone they are not happy with, if they choose to compromise, then thats their choice, but as for me, i refuse to settle in a relationship that leaves me unhappy ALL the time. (some fights at unavoidable, and often will be over dumb stuff, sometimes my fualt, sometimes their, w/e most the time its petty. its how we conduct out self during the argument, and after matters. and if they can't be respectful about it, then they are not the one for me. I don't see whats wrong will Telling someone you getting ready to leave. It's not always a threat, it just taken in that context. you wanna know if its a threat or the truth, then why dont you find out, just dont regret it when they fallow through, becuase they did try to warn you. If i even say anything about me leaving, its because of HER disfunction behavior, not mine. (feminist, please dont even get started on me. im sure there are abunch of you willing to side with the nameless girl in this context, and call me a sexist controlling pig. you were not there, you do not know me, if you saw what happened, you might understand how rude, controlling and abusive, woman can be, even more so when they feel entitled.)

tom-tom-traveler · Accepted Answer

One thing about me: If you threaten to break up with me during an argument (or for whatever reason), then you might as well walk away immediately because as far as I'm concerned, the threat is the same as actually breaking up.

I'd ended two relationships in my life because that was thrown in my face. I simply refuse to tolerate threats like that. After all , if you're willing to threaten to break up with me, then why should I continue to believe that you're committed to the relationship in the first place? You irrevocably broke my trust the moment the threat was made...

Now that I'm married, I don't really worry about that much, although my wife is aware of my feelings in this regard.

Lizer · Accepted Answer

It isn't right at all to threaten a break-up if you don't mean it. If you really do want to leave then obviously yes, you should say you're leaving, but to use it as a threat is just wrong. It shows that you are trying to control the other person and that you think you're better than them and it really hurts the other person. My parents used to do that a lot until finally my mom said "screw it" and the next time my dad threatened to leave she just said "fine".

Imagine this...

A couple are having an argument. They don't agree on something to the point where finally one of them threatens that they're leaving. They don't want to discuss this problem, they want it finished now and in their favor. If that person is "lucky" (matter of opinion), the other will beg them not to go and will change their ways/opinion to keep them from doing so. But their opinions are still going to be there...they'll just spring back later in another argument. So, Person A (who did the threatening) decided to force their opinion on Person B instead of talking things through. That isn't right. That's like the "there are four lights" thing in Star Trek where Madred is physically hurting Picard to admit that there are five lights when there really aren't. That's what Person A is doing...Emotionally hurting Person B until they give in and admit Person A is right. To me, that's emotional abuse. Who wants to be in an abusive relationship?

I don't plan on ever saying such a thing as a threat and if my future spouse/BF uses it on me than I'll know I'm with the wrong guy.

MWalsh89 · Accepted Answer

It try not to, however my boyfriend's done it a couple times, each time it literally breaks my heart and every fight leaves me scared. He never really means it, but we've sort of set a rule between us that whenever we fight that we're not to threaten that because sooner or later someone's gonna say something of the like that might break us, because I know I break each time he says something similar. It's not a healthy thing in any relationship. If it's a serious enough relationship, don't threaten to run away because you can't handle it. Just take a deep breath, think, and try to come to some sort of understanding in which you can talk over what the issue is.

angelwithin · Accepted Answer

My ex was a real douche -- he did leave me many times and then came back and it was complicated. So I used to say "if you have such a problem with it, leave me and ago" or something to that extent because he always threatened to. It's obviously over now and I'm glad -- I realized I went by every day worrying if this was the day it would end and it was killing me on the inside. It still hurt though.. I'm never gonna use it on anyone else, but I feel like he deserved it when I said it.. after all, he could always run to that girl he cheated on me with.

Gone_But_Not_Lost · Answer

No, no I don't. Not unless I really meant it. Because that's not the kind of drama you want to bring into a fight unless you're really serious about. It can change the situation entirely and actually end the relationship, and worse yet, if you don't mean it, it kinda shows. What if you didn't mean it, and that ended the relationship? You'd look and feel pretty stupid, then, now wouldn't you? Or what if you didn't mean it, and you said it, but you never broke up? What happens the next time? Seriously, there's only so many times you can say it before the other person says "Yeah right, please don't start that bullshit again. It's getting old." and you lost all credibility, because you look like a drama queen/king.

All in all, I don't say it unless I mean it. Nobody should ever threaten something unless you are absolutely willing follow through with your threat. Because man, you can pay for it otherwise.

Anonymous · Answer

Where as I already commented on an anonymous person. When someone gives or makes idle threats take them seriously. Call them on their shit.
Relationships ARE about compromise to an extent. There are certain things you do and do tolerate. The person in my life has done this over again. Even argument was about relationship. They also have become physical. Punched walls or put me in a hold. Because i was not listening respecting oor in their mind lying. The final line was passive aggresively using facebook... Tho dumb as a tool... When went on vac. He said it was bc he didn't want to other peoples happiness on vac ot about me. Bs. The silent treatment was it after bc i questioned it and he said no not about you. Listen... When it gets that point. It has nothing ro do with you. Its their own insecurities. I have done a lot for this person but it never enough. Also f the person blames u for why they lied or did things hurt relationship. Run. I go in to marry. Not waste time. When someone tells you if you don't do something theyll leave... There r certain things that are compromised on but whenn its used continaully the stability of the relationship goes. The trust and respect go out the window.

JohnnyBlaze · Answer

I don't say it as a way to win an argument. I take things very personally, and I know how much hearing those kinds of things hurts. There's no way in hell I'd inflict that kind of pain on someone I loved. The last time that I did say it, I ended the relationship right there. In my defense, she had made out with a guy right in front of me the night before (including contact under clothes), but it still hurt to say.

But I would never, EVER use it as a weapon in an argument. That's just not right.

Anonymous · Answer

I never say "I don't love you anymore" -- that's just a cheap shot -- but I did break up after mentioning several times that certain detrimental behavior my partner adapted after our marriage were definitive deal-breakers. I tried to get him to therapy for his issues, tried going with him to make sure they weren't MY issues, and finally, when he refused to redress his actions, even after professional advisement to do so, I broke things off. It was a terrible break-up and a couple of times we did have to speak to each other. When we were about to hang up, I said "Okay, I love you, take care." the way we did for the 10+ years we were married. We both paused dead in our tracks, then I cleared my throat and said, "Sorry, force of habit." and he rushed off the phone. It's a hard thing to do and threats like that should never be made lightly. Unfortunately, some people are happier and better off apart than they were together...

l-hedoniste · Answer

That's straight emotional blackmail: "Do what I say or I'll dump you!" I'm not trying to find a way to solve our problem; I'm trying to get what I want through threat--a Big Red Flag.

That's why I always answer, "If that's how you feel, then perhaps you should."

saphirasilverwings · Answer

Those aren't things to say lightly. My boyfriend and I don't fight much, but I'd never say something like that if I wasn't really serious about it. It's normal to say things you don't mean when you're upset, but that's extreme, and really hurtful. If your relationship is healthy, those things shouldn't come up unless they're legitimate concerns.

Standingpretty · Answer

I have before during extremely serious fights. I don't toss it out lightly. I usually ask it as more of a question because there have been times where I anticipated that my significant other would break up with me. It's really immature to toss it out casually in my opinion.

ShootingStar5 · Answer

I did with my ex because we fought constantly and I was very unhappy. But with my current boyfriend it's very rare that we argue (only once or twice so far in a year) and when we do argue I know we'll come to some kind of compromise so it's not a big deal. The thought of breaking up never even crosses my mind.

Kittie · Answer

Yes, because I'm an immature, spiteful woman. You might think that I'm joking, but no, I'm not. Habits die hard. I quickly take it back when I say hurtful things, but I self-destruct under pressure a lot.

Eiffelgirl21 · Answer

No..I used to with my first. But, I do not know.. I guess, I just think that is a little childish now. I would only say it when I mean it. Also, I feel, that threats never get you anywhere.

Karass · Answer

That gets you no where in an argument and generally just makes things worse. If someone says it to me I say go for it if I mean that little to you. Only talk about break ups and love when your not angry.

dejugirl · Answer

such a controlling guy. I may have patience for the first and second time but if it's the third time around I'll leave.

I don't do that stupid act. I say it I mean it. One word is enough to let me know you don't like being with me and that's it.

jacquesvol · Answer

Breaking up is something you decide, not something you let depend on a concession of some kind.

You just do it one sided.

Eventually you give him or her the time and occasion to cheat and just walk away then, without shouting or tears.

WeaponZero · Answer

i don't do that retarded breakup makeup sh*t.  its immature.  when I say it, it's for real, and there's no going back.  and when she says it, I regard it as being for real. I don't go back to her.

ThenThereWas1 · Answer

NEVER. Either work your sh*t out, or just don't be together. I don't play games and make petty threats. It's immature, and a waste of time. Lets all act like grownups, shall we?

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Never, that's a bitch move. And it amuses me only women have said yes in the poll so far.

queenofpeen · Answer

No way. I would only ever say something like that in a somber state and as prelude to an actual break-up. Not just because I'm pissed. That would honestly make me feel emotionally abusive to him.

fallen_angel_x · Answer

No, I don't threaten him. If the fight's really bad it may be a step in the direction of actually breaking up though, but that's not the same as a threat.

westman74 · Answer

never say unless you mean it... Any  real man may just walk if you do...

DebiPie · Answer

No, I've never done this. Idol threats have no place in a relationship. Don't say things you don't mean.

Anonymous · Answer

I did a million years ago,but don't anymore.  I only said it to get his attention.  It worked the first coupla times.

6Paul11 · Answer

No, I never say any of that. I try to choose my words wisely.

BikerGirl89 · Answer

I used to in my past relationship because he was so abusive to me so I would do anything for revenge. I never did that with my current boyfriend.

WaleedHassanien · Answer

I never had a fight in my many previous relationship :) (I swear I am saying the truth). Hey would that be the problem with me? =D

AmberChick · Answer

No, that would just lead to an eventual breakup, got to make sure you don't say stuff like that if you don't mean it

Anonymous · Answer

Ant sorts of threats are corrosive.  They erode the relationship very quickly.

justanotherguy00001 · Answer

Once it gets to that point, I'd dead serious when I say that.

DiamondKutt · Answer

No unless he crossed a major line. I wouldn't say it if I wasn't considering it.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I don't do threats like that. I also wouldn't take threats like that. It sounds like immature hs crap, rather then an adult relationship. :/

badbeanie · Answer

people say to wind each other up and to push there partners buttons

magic_bug · Answer

Me and My boyfriend have never had an arguement and we've been going out 5 months :D the best 5 months of my life xxxx

cuteandsweetgurl55 · Answer

My boyfriend and I threaten to break up with each other all the time. But we do fight a lot because he has a terrible anger problem

Anonymous · Answer

No, whenever I talk about something serious like that I make sure that I'm calm. I don't like to say things I don't mean when I'm angry.

Anonymous · Answer

Glad I'm not the only one who thought the same thing, when I was constantly being threatened.  Sadly I'm glad I built a tough exterior for myself to be taking such harsh words.

arigosandorito · Answer

thats just manipulative...

When you fight, do you ever threaten to break up? or say that you don't know if you still love the other?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

When someone breaks up with you, are you supposed to fight and prove you love them or just let them go?

When you fight, do you ever threaten to break up? or say that you don't know if you still love the other?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

When someone breaks up with you, are you supposed to fight and prove you love them or just let them go?

We're glad to see you liked this post.