I'm 26 and I've never had a boyfriend or pretty much even dated. I focused on school and never really spent time on the whole relationship finding thing. Mid-Twenties and never had a boyfriendIt's always been such a SHOCKER to tell people this. I always get the "why is that" or "you're such a pretty girl" or the biggest pain of them all "are you gay". What the heck is the deal? Why the frick does everyone have to have someone by their side?
I was just wondering, (from your point of view), if it's best not to bring it up until I'm actually dating someone. It seems as if people get weirded out by it...kinda like they think I might have issues or something.
Thanks for your input!
Mid-Twenties and never had a boyfriend? Yeah, I wasn't in a rush to fit in!?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I was 26 when I had my first boyfriend and first relationship and first had sex. It wasn't that there hadn't been offers but I knew that ultimately I didn't want to be with that person enough so didn't date them. I am glad I did this in some ways as I don't see the point of an endless string of failed relationships but I am aware now that I won't meet the one, straight away. I am glad that I waited but I was more nervous being older and not had sex etc. This relationship didn't work out as I had to go through the normal first relationship stuff that everyone goes through of wondering what is happening, if it is going right etc etc. I think no matter how independant yo are your first relatinship does make you question a lot of things. I am glad that I have ow had one relatiosbipo and been through all of that and actually feel that next time I date someone I will be less nervous, less worried about the sex thing (I was worried about looking stupid, not ashmaed of being a virgi but just nervous about it not being good for them or seeming nervous), this didn't matter to my ex boyfirend, and shouldn't to anyone who is worth it, but I just know that I will feel more relaxed next time. I don't intend to have a string of guys or sleep with everyone, I am just saying that going through the dating process once has been very insightful ad I am more likely to get it right, be more confident (as I usually am in general life terms) and for things to go well. In terms of telling someone about experiece, I wouldn't lie, but ot be honest you don't have to reveal everything and certanlay not straight away/ Discussing past relationships straight away is a bad idea anyway. I think if you meet someoe, stay off the subject as it doesn't matter who or how many people you have dated. I think stay on LIGHT subjects, don't get too serious too soon, take it for what it is, concentrate on doing very sociable, fun, interesting things, have converwsations about LIGHT things, show how interesting and funny and lovely you are as a person and thigs will progress, you don't have to give intimate details about your life or chapter and verse about your life experiences. I'd say for the first 6 months at least just have fun, and keep it light, and then if you want to you can get into conversations about him being your first etc if you want to. I made it into a big deal and told my ex right from the begining and looking back now I wouldn't do it again. It should be you that they are interested in and spending time with you, the other stuff will just come when it is right. If I dated again for a 2nd time, I would just concentrate on being fun, happy me and keep it light and friendly, talk about film, literature, theatre, comedy and things like thatvand not get into to deep deep discussion like I did beforfe. As wih y last relationship things got too heavy and it failed and things were too quiclk. You are not defined by previous relationships sp just do't bring it up. Just be you.
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Asker
+1 y
That was very insightful. Thanks for those tips. Everything you said was so true. Thanks!
I'm the same. I'm 24, would'nt go as far as to call myself HOT but I'm not ugly either. I finished school & left home for university/college when I was 17. Never had a boyfriend during highschool because I was this quiet girl who wasn't interested in rude, immature boys.
Anyway got to uni/college, was so busy with studying (and also working full time) never had the time for bfs or to meet anyone outside my group of friends. So I studied for 6 years straight. After some travelling and working I am now 24, still single, still a virgin. I guess I've never met anyone who I was really interested in.
I don't bring this up in conversation and my close friends know this anyway but I do get the odd casual aquantance ask if I have a bf, somehow most of the time this then leads to more personal questions. I'm not ashamed of never having a proper boyfriend so I spill and then they just look at me as though I'm stupid or something.
Actually, I'd tend to think you were smart for handling your life this way.
Lots of people see being in a relationship as the ultimate validation of their worth. It's the unrealistic view that if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, that the simple act of dating someone regularly is a great accomplishment.
I'm all for people not dating seriously until their early 20s. It's a lot easier to find a boyfriend at 26, than it is to go back to college at 26 after a string of doomed relationships and dead end jobs. What 19 or 20 year old has any idea what they truly need in a partner? You need a bit more maturity and focus in life to make a responsible, realistic decision.
So be okay with your dating history, but neither should you bring it up too soon. We all have dating histories that we share with new partners, but play it cool.
First of all, good for you for living life on your terms and not anyone else's. Not just that, but all the experiences you've had in that time have probably made you a well-rounded person, and given you plenty of interesting conversation topics to use during dates.
That being said, for some guys your past lack of dating might raise a red flag, despite your best intentions. If you're asked about it, then by all means be honest, but it's not information that I would volunteer either - some guys might start second-guessing the date at that point.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Kinda in the same boat as you...25 and have never had a boyfriend (just a couple dates here & there).
Most people would expect that you've dated before so they're not going to directly ask "have you ever had a bf?" or "how many bfs have you had?"... but might ask "what do you look for in a guy?" or what you're looking for in a relationship. You can answer those questions without divulging that you've never had a boyfriend. You can also be vague and just say that you haven't dated much. If you're not insecure about your lack of dating experience, you will come across as confident in yourself & the guy will pick up on that.
the guy that i'm currently talking to & have gone on a few dates with... on our second date we ended up talking about our past dating experiences and i mentioned that i've never had a boyfriend. he was surprised but it didn't seem like he was bothered by it (he said that he found it "admirable" lol). our conversation mostly revolved around what we're looking for in a partner and in a relationship and how our past experiences have shaped that. He does seem to be looking for a serious relationship, but i can tell that he cares more about my honesty & more about my personality & maturity when talking about my life & my goals & such than whether I've had a lot of relationships or not (someone could have had a lot of relationships but still not know what they want).
"Why the frick does everyone have to have someone by their side."
i loveeee your attitude lol
I agree with you 100%, why in the hell is everyone required to have a partner? Being happy and single shows independence. A lot of people have to have someone by their side to feel complete or for support. To hell with that, there's nothing I can't do on my own. I'm more than happy to be in a relationship with the right girl but I don't NEED a girl.
As for your question, just tell anyone you want to tell and be proud. If you said it to me I'd be impressed. lol
when your with someone you experience a level of intimacy that doesn't come from normal friend relationships. You share on a wholly different level. I find that people that start relationships later in life- I had a girlfriend who was a virgin till 27- I find that these people don't really know how to manage relationships, and are usually very sensitive and a little difficult to deal with. You might say, a bit selfish in someways.
So, being in a relationship is good, it helps us evolve, experience things, suffer, feel joy. All these are essential experiences that you cannot have -to the same degree- in regular connections.
Its scary to be vulnerable, to let yourself be hurt, but to avoid relationships is like being in a bubble, in the end, I believe you'll crave the idea of intimacy, closeness.
Thats my 2 cents. In a way, its part of our spiritual voyage.
Just because people are shocked doesn't mean your chances at getting into a relationship are lowered. Some guys might really appreciate your honesty, but if you'd prefer to keep things on the down low, then I see no problem with that either. Maybe you'd tell the truth when asked about it, but you don't have to go around telling people when you meet them that you have never dated.
I would not bring it out as a topic when speaking to friends or when you start dating because people will always speculate about why and might give them a negative connotation about you. You are perfectly comfortable being the way you are and the way that you have lived your life and you should not have to tell anybody that you have never dated or had a boyfriend. When it comes time for you to date, you will know how to act simply by just being yourself and hoping that the guy you are going out with likes you for who you are. You have a very positive attitude that guys might find attractive as being independent and not caving into societal pressures that you have to have a boyfriend. Guys like independent girls just like NeYo's song "Miss Independent". Best of luck.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
As a boy im on the same boat 22years old, never had any girlfriend nor any sexual experience
As a boy i feel as if im being looked upon as a loser/failure cause of it. I've had enough chances, even been on dates. But i just never felt the urge to just to do it, to do it. I was in love with that one girl, she loved me back. But she was so clingy, i was 18 so i never had any experience. I was scared away by this behavior And fled the scene
Now im highly dependent on clubs... I must say the urge and curiosity does grow but my life choices and paths i want to wander often don't match with a lot of girls and is a huge obstacle
Also me wanting to push it, really scares them away i feel
Also feel this pressure being put on by my parents which doesn't help either
I dont consider myself ugly nor extra good looking. I think my personality is a huge reason girls love me and my clothing style
I guess life finds it way
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I'm 22 and have only been on like 3 dates, but I mean it's not that big of deal. I bet you are a good person and just be honest with the guy and if he doesn't like your honesty then you don't need him. I applaud you for putting your life before love (or hurt! haha).
Lol seriously,I NEVER ASK PPL ABOUT THEIR PRIVAT LIFE,(that's y we call it privat)i just don't judge about this.I never had a serious relationship either,and I'm not ashamed of it,even if they all ask WHY?
I couldn't find the right guy yet,that's all. :)
So don't worry,it's such a whatewe what people say. :) And if ur date asks,u can tell the true,i think it's not a turn off if they are interested.
that happens to me.. I'm only 21 and same situation.. my little sis has brought like 4 bfs home and everyone is like "what about you" to me, I don't really care I kinda tell them all I'm having fun and not trying to get married and if they don't like it to get over it
I'm 22 and have never been on a date I had a boyfriend but my parents were so against us and it was hard for us because he's in the army and in another state doesn't make sense but we based everything we had on love,trust. As in a anything physical I've never had that when I was 13, I was diagnosed with cancer and in class professors ask you to talk about yourself I say that and no one ever says another word to me again or even look at me. That was the way it was all through hs too. No guy has ever given me a chance I try and talk to them and the minute I say something they get this look on their face like 'oh ok' We have a tenant in her late 40s, whose never been on a date,married,bf does nothing and my mom keeps saying your gonna wind up like her. I see my friends with their boyfriends or getting asked out and I wonder what's wrong with me.My mom says I'm shy that I need to be more outgoing but every time I try I just get knocked down.
It is good to get some experience in dating if you're planning on having a family, because it really is an art. I think it's just so common for someone to have had a boyfriend by 26 that it's kind of strange when someone hasn't. Not that it's a bad thing. Like... never having eaten a banana (no pun intended). Not bad, just uncommon.
shouldnt be a shocker. there's all sorts of people inthis world. and one of my guy friends is 33 and he has only had 2 girl friends. both of them werelike 4 year relationships. everyone is different. I didn't date until I was out of highschool. so don't worry you'll find him
Oh yeah... definitely hold off bringing it up. When you reach 30 the questions become if you have ever been married. Then at 40 the question become how many times have you divorced and how many kids do you have - along with some asking financial questions which is an automatic one date and done kind of thing.
Why are you waiting so long? Its definitely a red flag. Also your biggest concern should be if you want a family. Sure you have plenty of child bearing capability and are still younger but men typically choose the youngest women that will have them. Lol. You should start dating asap if i was you.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
26 same boat i am bi but never dated anyone cus i struggle to have my own life instead of a boyfriend or girlfriend i dont have energy for that even tho i wanted to. the older i get freaks me out cus soon i will be on my 30! and i still dont know who i am gonna end with am i the only one here?
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