My boyfriend of 3 years won't look me in the eyes when he talks to me.

[Anonymous]

Is he protecting himself from establishing a deeper connection?

Updates

+1 y

He's had a few very bad relationships that hurt him, but he is also shy. It's been 3 years so I thought the shyness would go away after trust was established. I'm worried about an emotional block from the past relationships. He will do this even when he is telling me a story and I am just listening. It's not just during when I am questioning him on something, it's all the time. He tells me he is committed to me.

[islands7]

OK, that could be one of many reasons; other evidence must have made you suspect this ... or he's slower to advance your relationship than your patience allows and you're looking for evidence to build a case - to leave him?

Look also at these:

> lying?

> looking at you is too distracting to keep his thoughts on track, e.g. he gets lost in your eyes or he gets sexual stirrings when looking

> he is shy?

> your questions are too complex for him, he was not prepared so has to do deep thinking in order to piece some sort of answer together on the fly, often things he's never thought about prior

> he is walking on eggshells?, e.g. so many times he gets in trouble by not phrasing statements correctly, creating a tirade ... from you, past lovers, his mom, etc.?

No offense, these are experiences from others and of course I'm blind to what goes on over there ... just putting some hints out there that could create some ideas in your brain that would couple with other hints only you know about.

[ryanontario]

i really have no idea , does he wear glasses or anything that make it harder for him to make eye contact . I'm not really sure what is going on

[Konnour]

It's hard to tell.. I personally maintain eye-contact very well with anyone and I'm not afraid of it... the only cases when I do avoid looking someone in the eyes is when I clearly dislike them and want the conversation to end and to get away from them as soon as I can... but that's just me, there could be many other reasons.

According to your update, I guess you answered your own question. It's because of shyness and bad "burns" - if he never was good with eye-contact as long as you know him, but if he was and suddenly avoids it, then it may indicate a problem.

[Asker]

Okay, here's another one. He finds it difficult if not impossible to tell me he loves me. He says it's because of his passed burns but it hurts me a lot and I've told him that several times but still no changes. I've invested a lot of time in this relationship and I'm worried he may never be able to love me because of his past. When we talk about him not telling me he loves me he tells me he does but the magic is gone for it because I had to bring it up to get it out of him.

[Asker]

Question Asker

26 minutes ago

Okay, here's another one. He finds it difficult if not impossible to tell me he loves me. He says it's because of his passed burns but it hurts me a lot and I've told him that several times but still no changes. I've invested a lot of time in this relationship and I'm worried he may never be able to love me because of his past. When we talk about him not telling me he loves me he tells me he does but the magic is gone for it because I had to bring it up

[Konnour]

Well.. he's probably really burned then.

You invested a lot of time in it.. so saying "give it some time" is not an option... you have to do one of the following(or both consecutively)

-become the best girlfriend you ever could... just put yourself for 100%.. or 110%.. melt him down and let him see you really are(!) worth it...

-or straight up tell him what do you think and feel - that you're pissed and not going to take such sh*t anymore, it's all or nothing - you got your needs!