My boyfriend doesn't tell me when something is bothering him

[Anonymous]

He keeps things inside and keeps his distance for a while than comes around. It really annoys me. He isn't very open in general and say's that he want to deal with his problems on his own. He is always honest with me but isn't straight forward.

But how can I know what is bothering him when he doesn't tell me! Its hard because I am the same way to, I have trouble opening up and this is our biggest problem (honest with each other but not direct)

Any suggestions?

[Dobie_Gillis]

He's probably embarrassed by the situation. There are certain things I don't share with my special lady because they ate not situations I am proud of and would rather not discuss. There might be some things that you would not share with him out of modesty or what have you.

The best thing you can do is not press him about what's bothering him. Be his best friend and have him know that you are there for him (without necessarily having to say so directly) and eventually when he feels comfortable, he will share what's bothering him. Of course, if it becomes a trend that he keeps secrets, let him know that you are bothered by the situation. If you are constantly hiding things from each other, you don't have a stable relationship.

[ssunny1217]

I am guessing you guys are young. First off, he is not obligated to tell you his problems, as from a realistic standpoint, you cannot do anything to solve them. Also, why are you asking why he is this way if you yourself are the same way? being in a relationship does not mean you HAVE to open up to every single thing. He has the right to privacy and you should respect his opinions/actions/feelings

[Ashley8282]

I believe she is referring to problems within the relationship and him not being direct with her.

[ssunny1217]

well in that case, that could be his personality, he is waiting for you to find out what is wrong (to be honest, most of the times it is girls who are this way), my ex was like this. haha

[leialove]

Anything that is regards to problems about us, I would wish him to be honest with me. If it's his personal problem, I will ask once to show that I care but will give him space because I trust that he can handle his personal problem. Just tell him you will be there when he needs you, this is good enough.

If it's about us, I will reasonably explain why being honest with each other is an important thing. I believe if a person doesn't want to tell you, no matter how you force him is only going to cause adverse effect and make him clam up or cave in more. So to open up a person, he needs to feel comfortable enough to share.

[Ashley8282]

Your going to have to sit down and just tell him than if something is bothering him to the point it interferes and has an effect on the relationship that you would appreciate him being up front and direct.

He doesn't need to tell everything but anything involving you and the relationship need's to be addressed.

[RandE_Guy]

Us guy only tell other people our problem when they can help us. Women seem to think that talking about a problem is a solution to the problem. I say leave him alone. If he wants to talk about it, he will come to you. Forcing it from him will result in half baked answer and argument.

[Cantremember]

Why do you need to know?