My boyfriend doesn't really invite me along...like, hardly ever? HELP!

[LilPinkGirl]

so my boyfriend doesn't try to hide me...everyone knows we are together. I know a lot of his friends but still not all of them. we do go out together, out with mutual friends etc. but for some reason he doesn't invite me to anything with him and his friends who are from his town. guys and girls. I will hear of a party that's gonna go on, and he's going and ill say "hey! can I come?" he'll say "ehh I don't know if you can. its invite only" then I find out other guys brought their girlfriends...that happened tonight =(, a few weeks ago his friend was going to spin at a club. I said "that sounds awesome! I really wanna party tonight!" he says "i don't think you can...you should ask" then I find out everyone went...it was at a public club. every time he has plans and I ask if I can go he says I don't know if you can, or something else. its getting on my nerves and makes me feel really bad to be honest. then I will tell him how I feel and he'll say "well we can go to blah blah blah next weekend! just me and you!" ill tell him OK but it'd be nice to hang with friends also...and he'll say all I do is complain. I really don't I really just want to have fun with the group too.i invite him to come out with me and my friends and he does so why wouldn't he want me there with him and his friends too? id understand if it was a guys night but it isn't...its guys bringing their girls..and girls bringing their guys. and single guys and girls..everyone really.

we've been together almost 4 years, he acts really happy when he's with m...and someone told him he should dump me and he now acts like that person doesn't exist. he tells me he really loves me and the only thing that bugs him is my low self esteem. but that shouldn't have anything to do with me not being included ...since facebook is SO big right now ill say he even has it up that he's with me..and I post lovey things to him and he posts them back for all to see. I don't think he's cheating? he really isn't the type of guy and doesn't think he's even good looking (but I think he's so soft and chubby and adorable! eek!) lol. why do you think he would be doing this? what reason can there be? guys? girls? help! <3

Updates

+1 y

thanks for all the answers you guys! we talked and he has been inviting me alone now waaaay more. =) he told me he feels weird having me drive almost 30 miles just to go out sometimes with him, I told him it isn't an issue at all and told him how I thought maybe there wa something wrong with me and how much it really bothered me and he assured me nothing was wrong and ended up introducing me to all his friends

[flirtfly17]

with him and his friends who are from his town (, embarrassed? judgemental?)

why don't you want me to?

"ehh I don't know if you can. its invite only" respond "but I'm your girlfriend, I know we are not attached at the waste but still! Don't you want me to?" Tell him that you know that other girlfriends of guys are there.

Just be honest. Don't attack him, but confront him. Be confident, and don't let him walk over you or ignore the question or statement. You need to be direct.

"low self esteem"... TELL him that of course you're going to have low self esteem if he isn't going to be totally upfront with you. Of course your mind is going to wander to "does he not like me?" "doesn't he want to show me off in public (cuz I'm sexy to him?)?" Tell him that he could HELP your self-esteem by talking to you! Communicate! lol. Guys are silly at times, but it can go beyond silly to just frustrating (obviously). If he isn't treating you the way you want him to and aren't getting answers from him, ask yourself if the relationship is enough.

I don't think that there's any way of telling whether he is cheating, unless he continuously acts shady after you've said (not like THIS, but) "DUDE TELL ME THE FREAKING TRUTH ALREADY! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ONNNN!?" ... until that point, don't ask because you'll look paranoid and he'll feel like you don't trust him and that is the worst.

[mitust33]

Hey girl I am going through sort of the same thing with my fiance. I invite him to go with me places in my car. But when he takes his sister's car and runs an erand to a store like Walmart he never invites me anymore then makes an excuse or says " all you gotta do is say something. To me its impolite to ask or say anything unless I'm invited and he knows that. But I invite him and ask him if he wants to ride with me if I'm going somewhere. I include him. Also I include him with me and my family. But he doesn't do that much with me. So I don't know I guess its just a guy thing. Or there's something I'm not understanding. I know I am a beautiful lady he tells me all of the time and my family does to. I know looks don't matter but I look at him and I know he's not the greatest looking guy but I still love h and have seen the chicks he dated before and o my they were ugly and most of them fat. I don't understand and my family doesn't understand why he wouldn't want to take me out with him.

[Green_Tea]

when you date a person, ideally the relationship should help to bring up your self esteem, not keep it down; as in he not inviting you to hang out with "his crowd." you've already invested 4 years in this relationship. you need to find out what's going on because something doesn't sound right to me.

[Anonymous]

The only reason I can think of, besides cheating, would be that he might be seeing you as being needy or clingy...even if you are not. Unfortunately, sometimes people mistake your desire to be close or intimate with them in this way as being needy or clingy. The only solution I can think of, is that maybe you can try a little bit of a game & see how it works: Don't ask him if you can go along with him anywhere anymore. Instead, always make other plans & act as though you could not care less whether he invited you anywhere or not. Continue this for a while. If what I am saying is true, it might take him a little while to notice that you are not asking to go anywhere with him, but when he does, he will begin to sit up and take notice. It may take about two or three months of being consistent with this behavior to get him to actually take action, however. Around the 2nd month, he should start asking you questions, or even asking you if you want to accompany him certain places. However, if he does not, I would continue to go about your business anyway. If someone never wants to spend time with you in public, there may be a problem you may need to address about whether you would like to continue in a relationship such as that. I am sorry if your boyfriend does not recognize a good thing when he sees it dear.

[Tryingtobewise]

Great advice! Love it

[sinful1620]

Guys need alone time. I absolutely love my girlfriend, but I still want at least two days a week where I can do whatever without her around.

Your guy isn't ignoring you, he's just doing his own thing and wants some space.

[thisGUYknows]

well said bro.

[papercut272]

yes ^ what he said!

[NoboTheHobo]

True say, true say.

[Anonymous]

dont take it to heart, maybe he is trying to keep a "separation". I am the same. I love my girlfriend and do spend time with her, but on my saturdays I play football (soccer) and sometimes after go out with the lads. For me, it is my "get away" and I like to keep my girlfriend and the lads separate as it is a time where I can just completely let go.

However, I do go out with her with our mutual friends.

It doesn't mean I love her any less, but I like to have a clear separation. Time with the lads, and time with the gf.

[LilPinkGirl]

id understand if he wanted time with his guy friends...but he goes out with guys and girls. and guys with their girlfriends, and single guys and single girls. that's what I don't get,

[Opinion Owner]

yeah, I can get where you are coming from. maybe its a case of he has "them" as his friends which he wants to keep that way. A time where he can have some "space" away from you- its not a bad thing. Everyone needs space at times. I just wouldn't take it to heart. Have you asked him why he likes this time with them?

[LilPinkGirl]

yeah I did and all he says is its all in my head and I go out without him so he should too. but I always invite him...maybe I should cut back on that? thanks for answering by the way =)

[sigsauer45]

ok the love the docter has youryour back on this what you nead to do here is come right and ask him y you can go out with him and his friends to the club and don't let him give you the brush off make him tell you y you can go if he in love with you just nead to stand up and take thing in to you hand s and make him take you a long with him and his friends,and don't let him tell you no you won't like it or it the guys night out all the time. yes guys nead there space just like girl nead there space but not all the time and wath you nead is stop being a wimp and stand up for your self and you self esteem will come up and he wil love you even more than he says he duse and as far as his look go,s it sounds like he has some self confidence issues him self so stop letting he telling you no or you have to ask his friengs if you can go it up to him if he want you to go make him step to the plate the love docter

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't want you to embarrass him in front of his "close friends" or whatever. Just guessing but you should really ask him and bring up the issue if it is really bothering you

[LilPinkGirl]

i shouldn't embarrass him though...alim nice and am fun. I'm not as skinny as some of the girls he hangs with but I'm in the same looks area I guess. I don't know why he'd be embarrassed?

[Opinion Owner]

maybe they thought he could do better? But I am guessing

[LilPinkGirl]

we have a baby together...if that's what they think then really their opinion does not matter

[Opinion Owner]

well you should ask him, and just sort of tag along and see if he says anything next time... if he makes you feel bad for coming with him then you should let him know how to treat you better.

[sigsauer45]

that good becouse most guy would kill to have a girl friend like you and would what to show her off to there firends

[billy2340]

you're beautiful, I can't believe the idiot below said your ugly. you boyfriend is really lucky:) I wish I find someone like you!

[LiliLippps]

Maybea he just wants to do his own thing with his crew somethimes, but if this is constant, it may be something else.

[sKUlls_sMIth]

Remember he is your Boyfriend not your husband :p...i haven't met my bfs friends either and we have been together for 5months. But I'm not trying to date his friends...just him..get my drift. Also maybe he takes his friends opinions highly and if they dis you or not like you, you might be flying solo. So maybe he likes you to the point he does not want his friends corrupting his vision of you :)

[LilPinkGirl]

he'd never ditch me because his friends we've been together 4 years and have a little girlie together. I found out tho his friends actually like me, met a LOT of his girl friends 2 weeks ago and they kept going "WHY didn't you introduce us before!?" I'm happy because now I have 5 new female friends =)

[Nena_Linda]

Have you talked to him about it? if he can't show you off than he is not worthy of you.

[Cory151]

Separation is something he's looking forward to if youve been together for 4 years, we all need time away. I had a Girlfriend that wanted to go out we me and friends and you just need to know that he will take heavys fro his boys for bringing you out on a guys night. Honestly I will uninvite a guy who says he's bringing a Girlfriend to a guys night.

Good luck

[lgr27]

Maybe someone in that group has a problem with you.

[LilPinkGirl]

i found out one does last weekend...guy ended up getting drunk and telling me off because I was taking care of a REALLY drunk girl and helping, he got in my face and I told him to p*ss off. so he went to my boyfriend and he told him to p*ss off too lol. didn't know he had a prob with me til then...oh well, he's a loser

[Anonymous]

I could understand needing space every once in awhile but all the times makes me think he's exploring his options while keeping you on the side.

[LilPinkGirl]

if he is and find out, ill drophim in the blink of an eye hehe. I don't tolerate that behavior...i'm pretty much a PI so I'll look into it a little more to see if his up to anything lol

[Cizcobv]

Bologna. He didn't invite you because he was trying to hook up with someone else, while having you in his back pocket. Why buy the cow when the milk is free? Just sayin'. He brings you now cause he realizes that there's no one else.

[LilPinkGirl]

honestly...i don't think he can get anyone else. on the other hand I could.

[Green_Tea]

well said, well said.

[Green_Tea]

at question asker, you don't sound like you respect him very much by saying you don't think he could find anybody else, but you can. at the same time, he doesn't seem to respect you either if he refuses to bring you places. this whole relationship sounds unhealthy.

[LilPinkGirl]

because people are making me think that he is thinking that he can get better or get somjeone else but is just "settling" for me. it makes me realize how jerky guys really are, and honestly I am the one with the looks in the relationship and brains so it would be easier for me to just get someone else if he really thinks he could do better...

[papercut272]

or its because you put on too much make up!

make up is ugly!

[LilPinkGirl]

ummmm thanks for calling me ugly. I know I'm ugly...and have zero self esteem. but that wasn't the question. thanks for bringing me down more about my looks than I already am.

[questionner23]

im sure your really pretty. don't listen to that douchebag

[papercut272]

this douchebag knows what he is talking about, if you want to be ugly, go and wear makeup, if you want to be really beautiful and attractive, don't wear crap and toss out your makeup!

[LilPinkGirl]

when I don't wear makeup people think I'm 18 and say I need makeup and look like I don't try then when I wear makeup I'm ugly it's like I can't win and no matter what I do people will always call me ugly

[Tryingtobewise]

First of all, don't panic, calm down. Respect yourself and your parents hard work of bringing you into this world and raising you. You are beautiful and one of a kind, and after reading your post I assume you're, in spite of your low self esteem (which is totally fixable if you make it a task), give him enough space. Great job on expressing your feelings to him. Whatever the reason was, he was willing to fix the situation and make you happy. Possible reasons for not inviting you? Choose any: maybe he had some bad story in his home town that he was embarrassed yet to disclose to you, or maybe he wants some space to feel a bit independent and/or mysterious in your eyes, maybe it was his way to deal with his own feelings of insecurity: "she's so beautiful, why would she hold on to me? I need to have my own life to make her a bit jealous and focused on me". Or: "Omg she is so beautiful, and smart, and once she's here with my awesome friends, what if she'll choose someone over me?" Etc

[Jager66]

its because women are generaly boring

[LilPinkGirl]

then why would he be willing to hang ot with his femalends who are even more boring?

[LilPinkGirl]

female friends*

[Jager66]

maybe you cramp his style

[LilPinkGirl]

no, its the other way around

[Jager66]

lol your probably right, it sounds like he may be hiding something.

[LilPinkGirl]

lol who knows hopefully not though!

[questionner23]

mayb he doesn't want you to meet his freinda

[Anonymous]

is intrzsting to here that, may be you boy friend have another peaty to intertend

[amy-5562]

all I can say is, same.