My boyfriend doesn't take me on dates. What should I do?

[lovergal2010]

We have been dating for a/b 2 years now. In the beg. we went on occasional dates here and there but nothing really over the top. We use to go out for a drink or two and then a few times we have actually been to dinner. But lately he hasn't taken me NOWHERE. I'd say it's been 8 or 9 months since we have gone on a "date" I told him about a month ago that it bothered me and I didn't feel special so he bought me some flowers..which were about 5.00 which to me I don't care.. I told him he could have picked them and I would have loved them! But he still hasn't taken me on a date. I brought the subject up again a few days ago because it has been bothering me and he told me he doesn't have the money right now,. I know for a fact he buys cigs and weed. He is NEVER w/out either one of those. He promised me when he got a little more money he would take me out..but tonight I told him I was hungry..I had to go to the dollar store and buy snacks for myself and then he put about 4 items he wanted in my basket for me to buy ..which this happened a few weeks ago too.. I bought the snacks drove to his house and dropped him off. I am tired of feeling used.. all he wants to do is sit at the house. I even told him if its about the money he could take me to the park or something free...He hasn't called me since I left his house...which in the past if we fight he always calls me...my feelings are hurt...he is very loving and loyal but I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. Someone please help!

Updates

+1 y

When I drove him to his house... I packed up his sack of goodies and threw it out the window on his driveway..he looked at me like "your not coming in?" I said I'm leaving I'm tired of feeling used and unappreciated..he hasn't called :(

[Imsodone101]

This is fairly common. All it means is that he is comfortable with you. He may love you very much, but at the same time he doesn't appreciatte you very much anymore. It's because you guys are just there now. Nothing special anymore. No passion or fire that people have in the beginning. This is why it's true when they say that a long term realationship is work. And as such if he can't take on some of the work and try to meet you half way, maybe it's time to think about whether or not you two have a future. Try this. Get a piece of paper out. Make a list of Pros on one side and cons on the other. Pros of course are what you do like and cons are what you do not like. See what you come up with and then decide if this is where you want to be in 5, 10,15+ years down the road. It's only been 2 years. Based on that what do you see in 5?

[lovergal2010]

Yeah..but should I have to ask a guy to take me out? It kinda hurts my feelings. I feel like that is an understood thing..that women like to feel special every once in awhile. If nothing changed no we won't have a future .. I told him last night. And he said that it's sad that I'm thinking of "dumping" him over the amt of $$ he spends on me..That isn't it...a quiet walk in the park is FREE.. Its hard when you are in love ..thats why I need an outsiders opinion..thanks

[Imsodone101]

It's not the money thing that's holding him back, he's just lazy. No offense inteneded but that's how it is. He would rather sit on his ass all day getting stoned. People like that make stoners look really bad. You shouldn't have to ask to be taken out but as a woman there are times you are going to. But you sure as hell shouldn't have to beg, or fight about it. Sometimes people have to lose something before they learn to appriciatte it. You never know what you got til its gone.

[lovergal2010]

You are so right! I have tried to be OK with him doing it. It calms him down but now I feel like he is putting it before me ..he swears he isn't but seriously I have to almost beg him to even rent a movie because he is so tired after he smokes he just wnts to sleep..which his work makes him tired I know.. but it's weird because he wnts to see me everyday and calls me all day long. But maybe I should just tell him I need time away.. I'm sick of being put on the back burner :(

[Imsodone101]

Just go to the park or some place you wanted to go out to. Tell him that's where you are if he wants to see you. If he won't go, then you have your answer. I have a friend that is like that too with weed. If you just smoke and smoke and smoke it really weighs you down. If he were to just smoke like after work and not on his days off he could take you out then and still smoke his weed. Fair compromise? It's worth a shot maybe lol

[lovergal2010]

Yeah good idea bout the park thing! I'll try that on his next day off and see what he does because by the time he gets off its dark and I won't be at the park..but yeah..he smokes everyday and on his off days at least twice. So I really never see him "sober" anymore..but he swears when he smokes he is more in his "right" mind..he said if he didin't smoke he would be coughing and feeling sick. So he tells me he NEEDS to if I don't want to see him sick...kinda sad situation

[Imsodone101]

That's true to a point. Weed makes you cough, coughing breaks the crap out of your lungs which is a good thing. Also he probably just needs to get more exercise. Your job isn't exercise. Least that's what my last docter told me. Your body gets used to the routine and therefore you don't get anything from it anymore. If he accually got out and got some exercise he would probably feel better about himself. If when he's stoned he's in the "right state" of mind. Why do you feel neglected? huh? lol

[lovergal2010]

I don't think he's in his right state of mind...he says he is in his right state of mind when he's STONED! He's not mean when he's stoned..he is nice...BUT... I think he checks out of reality every single night I see him and leaves me dealing with stuff nd he just "zones" ...He is very loving and will tell me he loves me 24/7 out of the blue which he says it more than I do...I've tried to get him to go on walks but he HATES excersise. Should I just tell him I need time apart?

[Imsodone101]

If you need time alone then by all means. The thing that a lot of stoners don't understand is that when they NEED to smoke weed all the time, It's because weed makes you carefree to a point. He just can't deal with life. So he smokes so he doesn't have to care. Time to grow up and pay some attention to your girl and fulfil her needs or else she may find someone else who will. He just needs a wake up call.

[lovergal2010]

yep...just because he can get high and not worry about things doesn't mean I can. Maybe time off will be good.. I love him dearly and really wish things were better but I can't make them better alone while he is off getting stoned all the time. If he just stepped up to the plate a little more I wouldn't have such a problem with it but it's become a big part of his life. Last question..How do I tell him I need time alone to not make him mad or really upset? How do I word it to get the point across?

[Imsodone101]

No matter how you do it, if he is going to get angry because of you being unsure in your future than there really is no way to avoid it. Just tell him that you have a lot on your mind. You are willing to look past him smoking but are tired of feeling like you come second. He should be able to meet you in the middle on this. You need to know that he does care about you. But all he shows you is how much he doesn't care. Right or wrong.. It's how you feel. and you feel that way for a reason.

[lovergal2010]

Wow..I liked the last sent. you put because my friend basically told me that tonight. I guess I'll just tell him I need time to think about some things...but I want him to know it's basically about not coming before his weed habit. He will swear I am first but I'm not...it hurts.. I can't believe I let myself get this deep with him...thank you for your advice :(

[Imsodone101]

It happens, but you still have a choice. And he still has a chance. So don't start thinking the worst of everything yet, you still have a shot. Even if it's with someone else. Next time he says that you come before weed say this. "Tell me that, I may believe you, show me that, and I WILL believe you." Good luck and feel free to hit me up if you need to.

[lovergal2010]

Thanks for your input. ..u have really helped me...since he didn't call tonight that kinda told me a lot! I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens but time apart may be theonly thing that kicks him into reality...sad...but maybe by the time he cleans up his act I will have moved on..story of my life

[Imsodone101]

Anytime. And if you do end up moving on it'll be OK. You'll find someone who shows you that he cares. I hope it all works out for you. Your plan is a good move. Just keep your wits about you and really pay attention to all the details and make the best decision you can make based on the information you have.

[lovergal2010]

I know It will be okay.. have had tooo many break ups. But this one wil be hard because he is my longest relationship but if I can't look foward to a future together .. I'm wasting my time :(

My mom always says "don't waste the pretty" meaning I'm young don't waste it! True statement..thank you for your time and advice! Thank you!

[Imsodone101]

Your mom is right. Life is too short to waste it on someone who isn't in it like you are. Like I said feel free to hit me up if you need it anytime. I may not answer right away but I will answer.

[SeeingEye]

It seems as if you dug yourself deeper into a ditch that just says to me that the connection is just not there anymore. Judging by the comments made and the replies and updates, you should move onto better things. The grass is greener on the other side. Hopefully that grass is not the kind that will get you high.

You deserve a good guy!

[lovergal2010]

Thank you...he hasn't called and I haven't called him.

[MissKANYE-west]

he's an ass. hun you deserve better. every woman has a breaking point, I just hope you reach yours soon before you invest too much.

[lovergal2010]

Thanks girl...it's hard when you have "fallen" in love with someone ..its hard to walk away but I have been thinking ab this for awhile now

[Texan83]

Smokes weed.

Makes a girl pay for his sh*t.

Those two are red flags. Unless you are into drugs.

Unless a man is really in the slums for some SERIOUS reason there is NEVER any reason as to why a girl should pay for anything of his. That's not a man hun.

There are millions of guys out there are loving and loyal. Go find one that values your time and having you in his life.

[lovergal2010]

I DO NOT smoke. I hate it and have had discussions about him stopping. He says he will stop..we we first started dating he didn't do it.. and now I fell in love with him and it jus sucks.. he wants to see me everyday .and very sweet but I just don't know anymore :(

[Texan83]

Take time off to think things through. You will become a stronger person after it and if he doesn't shape up to what you want in a man then you have to tell him you are going to move on.

[lovergal2010]

Time off meaning? Time away from seeing him and talking to him...if so how long?

[Texan83]

Take away from him. You might end up being happier without him in your life than with him in it.

[akkenny]

dump his ass... that is all

[lovergal2010]

LOL that sounds easy...he will blow my phone up