I’ve known my boyfriend for a little over a year, but we’ve been dating since February. Needless to say, we’ve never been on a date. Read our most recent texts to get better context, but what are your thoughts? We have the usual rocky parts in our relationship, but the moments aren’t defining, in fact we overcome our issues pretty maturely. He’s a nice guy and all, but before we started dating there were numerous men asking to take me out left and right, then I get into a relationship and I can’t get a single date.
Why doesn’t he take me on dates, and what should I do about it?
It seems he has trust issues from his “past failures”. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake again. And with you confronting him about the issue, it’s already too much for him.
Since you said you’ve “never heard of people doing less romantic things to be healthier”. Well, that situation is more common than you think. People do in fact do less romantic things with their partner, when the spark isn’t there anymore or they’re just not into them. That they are slowly drifting away from that person to go heal themselves.
Which obviously this guy does have a lot of healing to do. Since he still has trust issues with relationships.
Which I can I say is sorry he is wasting your time with that.
What is this guy, like 13 years old? Jesus Christ. You've expressed that you wanted to go on a date. The response should be: "Baby, be ready at 6. Wear that beautiful dress - and no underwear xx"
This guy is fucking exhausting. He doesn't want to take you on dates. And he doesn't give a shit about you. It's clear. He would rather spend huge amounts of energy making lame excuses than doing something special with you.
I'm sorry to inform you - you are not in a relationship. You're in a shitshow. Please part ways with this moron and find yourself a man who is up for deep connection and the consistent mutual investments into one another that an actual relationship requires.
Oh and also - honey, you don't want a man who has such a tenuous grasp on punctuation potentially ending up as your baby Daddy. Get out while you still can!
Is there a tl:dr version? That's a wall of text - could've become a phone call. Anyway -
Sounds like he does not care about what you want/need. If this isn't what you want, ditch the dude and find another who will treat you better or will meet your standards.
PS: Asking for a date is perfectly fine. Unless you guys are on lockdown due to pandemic.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Date nights are important. I think his excuse is lazy..
On that same token.. I have a rule of three. If I offer to take a girlfriend on a date and she cancels three times in a row (as in consecutively), the attempts stop and I start looking at breaking up, same with sex, and lots of other things. The reason for that rule is the definition of crazy.. Making the same action over and over expecting different results is crazy, and a waste of my time.
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Asker
+1 y
I only cancelled once because I forgot I had a class that evening. That is a good rule though lol
It seems to me that there are more then rocky part of the relationship clearly he is not happy and essentuly from what he is saying why would he go on a date with you if he is not happy
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Asker
+1 y
I understand that. If you were in his shoes, how would you go about this? What would you do to help us get into a better place that would make you wanna take me out?
It is very much so, but I think my way of fixing and my boyfriends are different. Being romantic and making each other feel special is my way of helping us get into a better space, but that doesn’t seem to be his way. I’m not really sure what his way is...
That’s true, but we are fine for the most part. If we have a bad day it’s usually out of two or more weeks of normal/good days. I understand that bad days can heavily negatively affect the relationship, but our last bad day was almost a week ago, we’ve talked and been in a good place since then. I thought of the idea of a date to help pull us even further out of the mud, but I can see he still has negative feelings.
His message alone shows he dont see it the same way you do in his mind the relationship is not currently in a good position did u not read what he said to him the relationship is close to ending currently
I really feel bad for you I can feel your energy from here and you are a beautiful person and I could see that you would just love to go out and do anything weather is just holding hands walking around the park or out to dinner to movie someplace anyting instead of being home. At first he acknowledges it but then he starts to blame it on you I don't know but I don't like until right now cuz I got the vibe that do you would be a blast to hang out with
He likes the sound of being in a relationship and having someone there but does not want to put in the work to maintain the relationship. To me, it looks like he is not ready to commit
Sounds like a lot of double talk... it doesn't sound like he's ready for a mature relationship. Stay friends, friends with benefits, whatever but move on
