My boyfriend doesn’t trust me for sharing our business with friends? How do I fix it?

[Anonymous]

I have been honest with him about everything. We argued a lot about petty things and one day we broke up and I genuinely assumed we were done for good. While me and him were broken up I went on a date with a guy I used to talk to before him. I assumed we wouldn’t get back together but we did so I told him and he seemed hurt but I thought being honest was the right thing to do. Then I have a friend group consisting of two guys and two girls. I have been friends with all of these people since high school. Me and one of the guys has a bit of history but we never slept together nor were we in a relationship. We only kissed and had a drunk incident where something ALMOST happened but didn’t. I told my boyfriend about it before I wanted them to meet so that he would be fully aware of what had happened. I wanted to include him in my friend group so I figured I should tell him everything before I did so. However he wasn’t interested in meeting him because of our past. This particular friend also offered to let me stay with him and I could use the help so I wanted to say yes but I didn’t want to upset my boyfriend so I told my him and asked him what he thought I should do. He said he wasn’t fond of the idea but he trusted me. I ended up turning down my friends offer because my boyfriend said he wasn’t fond of the idea. Well we broke up another time after a bad argument. Most of our argument's are petty but end bad enough for us to break up. I really thought we were done and once again I didn’t expect to get back together. I vented to my friend and he ended up confessing to me that he was in love with me and my response was that I was in love with my boyfriend. I admitted it to my boyfriend later on when we got back together and he seemed suspicious and jealous even though I was telling the truth. The next day he blurted it out to me that he didn’t trust me. I apologized for putting our business out and admitted that I did regret sharing too much with my friends

Updates

+1 y

He also was talking to other women during the time we broke up and he told me about it. I told him that even though he had the right to date while we weren’t together that now that we were back together he needed to cut everybody off. He said it was hypocritical that I broke up with him and went on a date with another guy and then told him to cut off other women but I felt like we needed to focus on us again. He cut them off and says it’s hypocritical that I don’t cut off my friend

[Oliverlogan263]

It seems there are a few things at play here:

1. Oversharing with friends - You sharing intimate details of your relationship with friends, especially male friends who have a romantic history with you, understandably makes your boyfriend uncomfortable and doubtful. Most people prefer to keep their relationship private.

2. Lack of boundaries - Turning down your friend's offer to stay with him to appease your boyfriend, but then venting to him when you break up, shows a lack of clear boundaries. This understandably raises trust issues.

3. On-again, off-again breakups - The pattern of repeatedly breaking up over petty arguments and then getting back together suggests a lack of stability and communication in the relationship. This uncertainty breeds mistrust.

4. Honesty vs. privacy - While being honest with your boyfriend about past situations is important, there is such a thing as sharing too much detail. Some privacy within a relationship is healthy.

Moving forward, I recommend:

- Limiting how much you share with friends about your relationship. Keep most matters private between the two of you.

- Setting clear boundaries with male friends, especially those you have a romantic history with. Limit contact as needed to rebuild trust.

- Really focusing on communication within your relationship. Work on resolving arguments in a healthy way rather than breaking up.

- Assuring your boyfriend you've learned from your mistakes and will work to rebuild his trust. Ask how you can make him feel more secure in the relationship.

- Being patient. Regaining trust takes time. Continue demonstrating your commitment, restraint and respect for boundaries over the long haul.

Open, honest communication and consistency are key here. Acknowledge your part, commit to improving, and follow through on those commitments for as long as it takes to show your boyfriend he can truly trust you. I hope this perspective helps! Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Losalt]

Honestly it sounds like you've been doing mostly the right thing.
You two are actually trying to communicate and being honest.
I have a feeling that the devil is in the details here.

If you wish to discuss things in pm with me free to pm.

Other then that...
Honestly, just try to see things from his point of view.
Try to avoid situations where it sounds like you're accusing him if anything.
And let him know that if there's anything you can do to help him feel better about you that you want to do that.
Because you love him and value this relationship more then anything.

[Anonymous]

You have potential suitors in your friendzone. You suitor has been explicit about it and you still maintain a relationship with him. Presumably because you can run and cry on his shoulder everytime you declare it over with your boyfriend because of a minor argument.

It's no way to build a relationship. You can't go all in if you have plan b in waiting at every step of the way and you may just walk away (and you have walked away several times).

And then you make it worse by telling your suitor intimate details of your relationship. Which breaks any trust with your boyfriend.

You have some thinking to do.

[BigDog1989]

Taking back an ex, is NEVER OK. They are ex's for a reason. YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. IT IS POSION

[BigDog1989]

POISON*

[Luckycharms12]

Broken his trust not easy thing to come back take lot time effort and understanding on your part