My girlfriend says she needs space?

[reconman2009]

I have been in a Friends With Benefits relationship for about 4 month's. I have developed feelings for this woman. I made a real stupid mistake by telling her I loved her. Now she wants me to back off. I have but she's still gun shy. I am struggling with giving her space like she had asked. In the back of my mind I'm thinking she will find someone else. We sat down recently and just talked. I had asked her what's the problem and she has told me she doesn't like it when I tell her I love her. She said that it was a FWB thing and nothing else. Well, She has well told me she is beginning to look at me differently. To give her space, and see where it go's. She told me she doesn't love me. Which hurt!

I understand it may be to soon. I'm really having a hard time dealing with this because I want to spend time with her and she's backing up. Her calls never came for a day or so. I did the most hardest thing I could do and not react. She called and said her phone was out of order.

My dilemma is I work with her. She is a part time receptionist where we work. I am trying to give her space but I'm thinking like she's going to meet someone else. We used to hang out allot but now its not as often.

When she does call, she acts as if everything's OK. It's been hell going through this. Not sure what I should do. I'm confused.

Updates

+1 y

Oh well! NEXT

Updates

+1 y

Well it looks as if I screwed up! Judging from your reply's I screwed up. Yes I did say I loved this woman because I did! What's wrong with being honest? If she wants to just go her way you know what? She can go. She has made a huge mistake not me.

[missnicole]

Id have to say you are in an unfortunate predicament... If she is your FWB then she is not your girlfriend (from your question title...) For whatever reason, an FWB relationship is what she feels comfortable with at the moment, and from her reaction, she is still not interested in a romantic relationship.

To put it cooly for a moment...an FWB relationship is something of an arrangement...theres a boundary there. Youve developed feelings...which crosses the boundary of a FWB relationship and the arrangement is now broken. She knows she cannot have sex with you or go out with you without it feeding your feelings...which would be leading you on. This is why she wants and needs to back away from this...thats the most respectful thing she can do for you.

On that same note..the most respectful thing you can do for her is to understand she is not your girlfriend, and she isn't under any obligation to take things further, so it would be unfair to hold it against her. For your own sake...I wouldn't count on it or try and make her change her mind ...its best to give her space, keep your distance because waiting and hoping on something she did not want to begin with is not a fair thing to do to yourself.

Just like how you didn't count on falling in love, you can't count on, or expect her to do the same.

[missnicole]

How did she make a huge mistake? She's being honest with herself and with you. For whatever reason, she is not ready/cannot be/doesnt want to be in a relationship right now...thats why she was in a FWB arrangement. Now that the arrangement is broken...she cannot continue with you until/unless she is ready to take things to another level. That would be unfair to you.

You didn't make a huge mistake either...it wouldn't have been fair to either of you if kept it to yourself that you were falling in love with her because your resentment and tone towards her for not feeling the same way would be even worse. Resentment she doesn't deserve because she was honest about the relationship and her feelings...she didn't lead you on...she backed off right away.

My suggestion is, now that you know that you are open to love and willing to be in a relationship, its best not to get involved in FWB relationships...because the chance you will want more and become emotional is there. Its unfair to the other person to get angry with them for respecting the boundaries of the relationship you both started together, so its best to be honest with yourself from the get go and not get involved with someone in that way again.

[reconman2009]

Then if she was being honest with herself, then why wasn't she WOMAN enough to say, I'M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU ANYMORE? I was honest when I told her that I loved her. Doesn't anyone recognize the fact that hey your messing with someones feelings. I just don't get it. Maybe it's me?

[missnicole]

In your original message, you explained "She said that it was a FWB thing and nothing else. Well, She has well told me she is beginning to look at me differently. To give her space, and see where it go's. "

Now you are saying... in loud caps... that she didn't make herself clear?

[KikiSunshine]

That really sucks. It's hard to not develop feelings in a friends with benefits relationship and it's unusual (but not impossible) for a girl to not get attached under these circumstances. Keep giving her space. She needs to think about what she wants. If you keep asking her she's going to distance herself even more. I know it's frustrating, but if in the end she doesn't want to spend the time with you then you should break it off completely. I say this because a friends with benefits rarely turns into a relationship and it's so hard to do when one person has more feelings, and is giving more then the other person. If you two get on the subject again, ask her why she doesn't want a relationship with you. She might be going through/not be over some things that have happened in the past. It all depends on where she is in her life. If it sounds like she's never going to be ready for a relationship with you, you need to end it.

[reconman2009]

I have basically turned my phone off. I am as well walking the other way when I see her at work. She's decided to avoid me, then I will avoid her. I will tell you this . I AM NEVER, EVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN!

[KikiSunshine]

It's definitely hard having a friends with benefits relationship. Whatever though. It's her loss.

[tex151]

That right there is the problem with FWB, one person always gets attached usually it's the chick. She's not your gf, she's just a f*** buddy, that's it, she is probably dating other dudes. You freaked her out and now she won't call you, and when you call her it says her phone was outta order, yeah that's not good. Now since you told her you loved her, you probably just lost your FWB, why did you have to go and ruin a good thing. Next time don't break the FWB rule, don't get attached.

[reconman2009]

Yes I ruined it by being an honest and upfront guy. I'm not gonna lie to some woman and play a game to just have sex., that's high school, to me. Yes I lost my FWB, and I lost the sex. Ok lets go back and regroup. She wants to date other guys then hey let her. Yes I ruined it by being honest and you know what, I'm going to chalk it up to experience and learn from a really stupid mistake I made. I appreciate all the reply's. Thanks

[tex151]

A friend with benefits is strictly a woman friend you have sex with, so how would you be playing a game and lieing to her just to have sex? Your never supposed to get attached to them it ruins it.