My girlfriend wants some space and I don't know what to do?

[snafuh1945]

Me and my girlfriend got big fight last week, I am just yelling at her and somehow I just triggered her trauma (physical abuse by her ex) but I never hit her or did anything physically, and after that she ghosted me for whole day (not reply or answer all my calls) , next day i want to pick her up at her workplace and talk to her, suddenly se replied my text and she told me wants spaces for her to heal her trauma and she said that I’m being creepy to her, she never answers my call my texts anything since that day, so how long should I wait and what should I do now?

[PrettyPriya]

Why were you yelling at her? What was the point of that? Best discuss problems in a calm manner, even when upset.

You clearly reminded her of the past trauma she had and now she wants time away from you. I would give it to her. Whatever you did to remind her of abuse she suffered is enough for her to not want to be around you.

Sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear but give her plenty of space and let her sort through the issue. I’d take the time to reflect and learn. The yelling probably brought back those terrible memories of verbal abuse.

Most likely she remember all those horrible fights she got into from an abusive partner and she just shut down. I’d spend this time figuring out why you felt it necessary to yell at someone to the point they need to be apart from you.

[snafuh1945]

It’s not yelling like saying bad word or something to her, its more like raising my voice because she doing something that’s I don’t like and she doesn’t care about my feeling at all, but right now im regretting that, after that fight before I dropped her at home she already apologized to me, but my ego still high and i keep pushing her away (my temper is my weakness) and right now i really miss her so much, her best friend said to me that “don’t contacting her to much she need space and if everything its normal again she will contact you” but when that’s will happen

[PrettyPriya]

I’m glad you recognize what you did was wrong and are willing to correct it. Also good that you see your weakness. We all have them.

I understand you miss her but you need to give her some time. If her best friend says don’t contact her, don’t.

Someone that has suffered trauma in the past might need extra time. Take her friend’s advice. You don’t know the extent that her past partner hurt her. Even if she told you, you may not understand the severity.

Take this time to reflect on the situation and how you can handle things better going forward. I hope it can be resolved and wish you the best of luck. Be patient and positive.

[sheikalana]

Did you know about this trauma? If yes, you should have been more understanding and avoid raising your voice at her next time.
Since it has been a few days you should respect her wishes and give her all the space she needs. Maybe you can tell her you will give her all the space she needs and whenever she's ready to contact you you're going to be there for her and in the meantime you're not going to text or call her until she makes up her mind.

[TheFlak38]

Ah yes. The typical female bullshit. It's always about her ex and how he abused and how traumatised they are, which is why they are such princesses who are entitled to special treatment from you. Being with a woman today is an endless series of shit tests. She basically thinks of you as a circus animal that is jumping through her hoops. There is literally nothing you can do. And from now on you relationship will go downhill. Probably for the better.

[boggboss]

Aslong as she wants as clearly she dont wanna see you so forcing it will just continue the situation if your dealing with someone thats damaged not sure how you though shouting at them would help

[yaarrii]

Respect that she needs more time and space. She went through a lot and it most likely brought her back memories, but let her know that you will stay respectful to her. Apologizing and being comprehensive first will help a lot. If it’s been more than a week, I suggest to have a real talk with her.

[snafuh1945]

Its already a week, I wanna to meet her but im scare she’s not ready to meet me

[TommyMountainFigure]

Do what she says and give her space. She may or may not come back to you but that decision is out of your hands.

[snafuh1945]

She got many reasons to stay with me but why she choose one reason to leave me its doesn’t seems fair, but at least if she wanna dump me, tell it now not hanging like this, it’s stressful af for me

[TommyMountainFigure]

I get that, but the time to think about how you feel about her isn't now after the damage has been done, It is before when you shouted at her. I always say when you truly love someone, you hold back a bit. never say or do whatever it takes to win the argument. Sure stand up for yourself but you don't have to win at all costs.
If she doesn't come back (Or even if she does) I hope you've learned a lesson here.

[Anonymous]

Give it to her. Let her come to you when she's ready.

[snafuh1945]

So should i wait until her contact me? Or im going to contact her first?

[Opinion Owner]

Wait. Text her or something and just say "I'm sorry about our fight, when you're ready I'm hear and willing to talk about it". That's it. Then wait.

[EdwinLivingston_]

Apologize and give her time to cool down