How do I give my girlfriend space while living together?

[jlong222]

My girlfriend and I have been on the rocks for a little bit. Though every issue that's come up, we've corrected it. Recently she told me that she wants space. Which is fine except we live together ... So how can I go about giving her space if we live in a one bedroom apartment with a dog?

She also said I only would buy her stuff or take her out when things were bad between us. Which is true until the past few months. I've been keeping up on doing things for her. Her concern is she doesn't know when its going to stop from me.. If that makes sense. So how would I go about still doing things for her while giving her space.

I love this girl so much and we've been through a lot together. I do not want to loose her. I'm willing to do just about anything :'(. don't know what to do though besides not text her. I need advice

[madhatters4]

maybe just finding separate activities to do so that you can create time for each other to be alone. I do believe that space makes the heart grow fonder so I think the converse, over saturation, can create a lot of stress. so maybe just findng specific times to hang with your dudes or see family or just do something you can do as an individual.

on: her concerns that you'll stop doing these nice little things... just make sure that as you are doing it now you do these things as a way to show her you care about her. this can be tough because you can set high bar which is hard to maintain, so really this conscious acts of kind/sweet stuff needs to sort of become unconscious habits.

living together can be a stresser, especially for people who aren't accustomed to living with partners (i've found out the hard way). there is a delicate balance of being with each other without becoming an annoyance to each other. I think it is very important to maintain some sense of your independence. For example, I have season tickets to my favorite baseball team so for about 6months of the year my girlfriend knows she'll have me out of the house maybe once a week... a little bit of space allows people to appreciation that time together by seeing the early pangs of missing each other when you're apart

[Prof_Don]

Does she want space in terms of relationship emotional stuff,

or more space as in more personal time in the apartment?

I had a roommate in college that was ALWAYS home, all the time, barely went to class, ordered all his food delivery so he didn't have to leave the apartment, only went home for the holidays.

If you're a complete homebody in the apartment and don't go anywhere outside of school/work, then she may feel smothered because she is getting no personal time away from you in her own home.

[missbluesky]

I'm going to be serious here: the only time anyone I know (myself included) has used the term "I need space" was because someone else has popped into the picture. You know her better than we do, but if things have been bad between you two - there could be an underlying reason that has a first and last name. Don't accuse her of anything, just have a calm conversation about what it is she needs space from, and ask "Well, is there anyone else in the picture?" and see how she reacts. It may tick her off, but more often than not this is exactly what people mean by "space".

When a girl starts checking out of a relationship, she looks to have emotional needs met first. "Space" gives her the buffer she needs to have needs met while detaching from whomever she's with. Good luck with this, because if you love her you'll need to really fight for her (not with her) to see things get better.

[QueenBeatris]

I agree with that as well, maybe someone else is wooing her,move rapidly or you may lose her.

[bijinbijinbijin]

when a girl needs space it doesn't always mean someone else is in the picture. I at one point felt like I needed space becasue I always found myself getting worked up, insecure, anxious, always worrying about my relationship, at one point my boyfriend told me it was driving him crazy that he couldn't make me belive that everything was okay and that he loves me so much. I just wanted to relax, rejuvenate myself and feel confident again, so I went to see my family and friends, went shopping, got a p

[bijinbijinbijin]

got a pedicure. I just wanted to feel good about myself becasue I was afriad that my insecurities would eventually chase my boyfreind off so I wanted to make myself not insecure. I just really needed some me time in order to fix myself becasue I didn't want my insecurities to affect my relatinship. My boyfriend was very understanding about it becasue he had noticed that I hadn't seen my family and friends and stopped trying to get pretty and that I was getting sad.

[Tylerdurden707]

This makes a lot of sense how exactly do you insist on fighting for her? And when you've been doing everything for her and she even herself tells you things have been getting better she even started putting up pictures of you guys again yet this other guy still around and when you confront her about it she then ask you for space what do you do?

[nikowise]

I totally disagree with this- well not completely, but I'm going to give my reason for space, which differs from this completely. I've used the term, "I need space" before, and not because of anything like this at all. I go through maddening mental mood swings, and in order to spare my partner any emotional damage I just tell him I need space. Some time alone. Some time to sort my head out. If I don't all I do is end up slipping back into my old co dependent ways, which hurts both of us. He's been through a lot in his life too, so when he needs space I understand. I have never used this because someone else sparked my interest. It took me a really long time to realize this, but my love and I have broken up several times because sometimes we both just feel crazy. Sometimes the weight of the world is just too much. We really do love eachother though. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's worth it.

[AmberFay]

Not every girl is looking at somebody else when they want space sheesh. I love my boyfriend a lot but sometimes he drives me up a wall and just need some time to relax. So I push him out the door tell him to go visit his friends or family and I get some alone time. Go see your friends or family every other week and take the dog for a long walk by yourself when you get home. As for the buying stuff that's kind of tricky issue with a lot of girls. Remind her that romance needs spontaneity, it can't be expected, that said buying her, her favorite candy or flowers for no apparent reason other than you were thinking of her is a good way to go about it. Make a date night once or twice a month even if its just to dinner or walking around a park holding hands.

[12341234]

people can be very cryptic. Downright ask here face to face what she means by space and what you need to do to help her get through this. I don't know that its right or healthy for you to sacrifice too much to make this work; perhaps that's a sign that things aren't going to well. My advice is get to the root of the problem now so you don't try to blindly find solutions. What do you mean by "only do stuff for her when things are bad?" But if this is the state of your relationship, just talk it out first, and find out what you need to really do to make this work. Good luck :)

[toulouse]

ASK HER what she means by space. everyone has a different definition. for me it'd just mean being alone but I wouldn't expect you to leave the apartment lol wow that's fcked up. it'd just mean if I'm gone or want to be alone I don't want you thinking there's a problem.

hmm if she's worried you're going to stop being nice then I don't think she wants space. I don't trust this conversation. you should talk to her about what is going on and discuss how you can reach a solution that helps the rel not just alienates you.

space want help her feel better and she seems to feel bad. you need to talk more. wanting space is when uve had too much of the other person. not when you feel deep don they don't care. unless she wants to break up but she should tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Things that work: make regular plans together. Like: Wednesday night is "cine night"; Fryday night is "out for dinner night"; Saturday morning is "out for breakfast morning". As for giving her space, encourage her to have regular "girls night" with her friends. E.g.: every Saturday night.

To sum up: keep some time throughout the week to spend time alone AND out with your girlfriend, and make her keep some time to regularly going out with her friends or making things for herself by herself. The remaining time is "reschedulable".

[QueenBeatris]

how about, plan this, if you know what time she gets home, prepare a lovely dinner and lay a rose on the table. Then take off to visit buddies or something, leave her a little note, I'm sorry I haven't been paying attention, I realize that now. I love you with all my heart. Enjoy your dinner.

[toyblot]

i think you or her are getting wrong ideas about a relationship that has a future, your not suppose to be doing stuff to be repaid by your partner doing stuff for you, you're suppose to do it because you love your partner and want to give him/her something.

[sockz]

Schedule some time so that you've each got the place to yourselves at least 2 or 3 consecutive hours a week. One of you goes out with friends or shopping or whatever really, and the other stays at home. Then swap another day of the week. You could even buy her something when you're out.

[UberTroll]

It could mean she's wanting out of the relationship since you said things have been rocky lately. But it could also mean she just needs a little more alone time. Do you spend a lot of time at home? If so maybe you could go out with your friends a little more.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

What does she mean by space? Is she wanting to go out, or just have a little downtime in the apartment?

[luckyGurl]

it's hard to give someone space esp if you're living together. my advice would be to sleep separately like you in the living room then she in the bedroom. then tell her your willing to talk about the issue once she's ready to talk.

[Anonymous]

Sadly there is no right or wrong answer here. She may be going through something and isn't ready to discuss it or just needs to think. Don't make yourself too readily available even though you are living together. Perhaps keep quiet would be best. My ex hubby didn't give me the space I needed when we were separated and well you noticed the term ex right? He didn't listen to me and let me have the time I needed to calm down and we had one more fight too many. Let her come to you if you can.

[Anonymous]

Let her have some time to herself. Like take the dog for a walk, I out and do things with your bros. that will make her miss you and she won't need space any longer. Giver her time. It'll get better

[Anonymous]

Wanting space = She's done with you, and needs space to look for another guy. Sorry, dude, but its over.

[UberTroll]

It depends what she means by space.

[Opinion Owner]

@ubertroll, It always means the same thing. Her interest level is dropping FAST! She's pushing him away.

[KonnectLife]

I see the PUA religion has consumed you! Glad I didn't learn or know this stuff back when I first started dating my fiance because she wanted to take a break and if I was consumed by the PUA religion as much as some folks here I would have declared that I had enough factual proof that she was cheating and I'd have done things to cause irreversible damage to the relationship.

But then again, she is a foreigner, who doesn't act like the typical, basic American woman. A lot if this PUA stuff is required to attract and keep American women, but foreign - non westernized women appreciate other things more and tend to overlook the unnecessary small things that would be"dealbreakers" in America.

He needs to find out why she needs space!

[Anonymous]

Space means another guy's penis