What should I do about my guy friend that is jealous of my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

This guy friend of mine, I knew him before I started dating my boyfriend.

Once he found out that I was seeing someone, he told me that he liked me. We have a lot in common so I'll admit that I do have a slight crush on him. But when he told me that he liked me, I told him that he knew I was seeing someone and that nothing would happen between us. I thought he accepted it and moved on. I mean, he talks to other girls so I figured he would have liked someone else by now. But he always confesses how happy I make him and he talks about how he "wishes I was his."

Now, he gets upset when I'm spending time with my boyfriend.

He has admitted that he's jealous. I now avoid talking about my boyfriend to him all together but he brings him up every once in a while, asking how we're doing and whatnot.

I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's an amazing friend. But there's no way in hell I'd leave my boyfriend. I love him.

What can I do to ease the tension? To get him to not be jealous any longer?

[relationshipDNA]

Seek to understand and you shall be understood.

You must first understand that your best friend has experienced rejection from his best friend and the girl he loves, all because you fell in love with someone else. Although the feelings are misplaced, he resents your current boyfriend and feels if he wasn't in the picture, then the two of you might have had a real chance...especially since you say you're sort of attracted to him.

He's frustrated, angry, miserable, and yes, jealous because the girl of his dreams is locking lips with some johnny come lately.

I get it, and I also understand how frustrating this can be for you as well. I would simply explain that you understand why he's being this way. Sometimes we just want to be acknowledged. And then tell him it makes you uncomfortable for him to be this way. Tell him you want him in your life, if he wants to be, but you'll understand if its too hard for him to stick around. This puts the ball in his court to make the decision to cut it out, or step out.

I know it sucks to lose him, but friends or anyone you have in life for that matter, should never make you feel bad for living your life.

[guy532]

Sadly you can't control how you feel and he must be crazy about you if he's acting like that. There are two ways that this will most likely end:

1. He keeps doing what he's doing then you say some hurtful things, he does the same and you two are no longer friends and dislike each other.

2. You have a serious conversation with him saying exactly what you said above, that you will never leave your boyfriend for him and he has to accept that or stop being your friend as of now (your choice).

Take your pick, they both suck, but that's how I see it going. I also have a question, if you weren't seeing your boyfriend would you be dating him?

[Asker]

...I never thought about that. I mean, my boyfriend means the world to me. We have such a strong connection. But with my friend, we also have a connection, not the same but still, a connection. I can't imagine being with anyone else but my boyfriend. But maybe if I hadn't met my boyfriend, my friend and I would probably end up dating at some point.

[guy532]

Well the worse thing you can do to a guy in this situation is give him false hope because then he'll just see that as "I need to try harder". You need to sit him down and tell him that there is no way that you would ever leave your boyfriend for him and that he is only a friend and nothing more. I know it sounds harsh, but believe me in the long-run this is much less hurtful. This is speaking from experience, so trust me on this.