I can't get a girlfriend no matter what I do. What's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

I can't get a girlfriend no matter what I do.

- I give most girls a chance, i.e. I don't stick to ONE type of girl. I try for girls who are older, younger, less attractive, shy, chubby, etc and they all turn me down just the same.

- I've dedicated the last few years of my life to becoming someone who is date-able (confidence, fixed my appearance, changed my attitude, changed my approach, etc) and STILL my luck hasn't changed.

- I'm cute, sounds arrogant, but I get complimented and checked out a lot. Guy friends sometimes tell me they wish they looked like me.



What's wrong with me? Why won't even one girl give me a chance?

Updates

+1 y

I try, I really do. I make the effort to talk to girls. I put myself out there and show them that I'm interested but I basically get snubbed - my advances have no effect and they always give other guys attention. It really hurts.

Updates

+1 y

It especially hurts because people tell me all the time that "I can have this" and "I will meet someone" when it's evidently not the case.

[InquisitiveMale]

I don't think the problem is anything you've already pointed out. I think you try to hard. Have you ever walked away from a situation and right after turning your back thought to yourself, wow, I was really in my own. Those moments are because you forget to care. You forget to think about how you look to others and how you think you are supposed to act. You need to learn to let go of all the effort you're putting into impressing girls. Stop thinking about them as girls, rather, just regular people.

To know yourself is to know others and to know others is to love and be loved.

[Anonymous]

If your answers here are any indication, you're a very negative person. You moan and complain a lot. And when people try to be upbeat around you, you'd rather shoot them down.

Since that doesn't match what you claim to be like, I would suspect that your other claims are also of questionable veracity. You may not be as charming, cute or confident as you claim.

How many girls do you typically approach/ask out in an average week?

[techkitty]

I'm guessing it's your approach, but would need an example of how you approach girls to know for sure. Seems most guys idea of expressing interest is different and some guys think they are being clear when really they are just "muddying the waters" with vague innuendos that just leaves us girls wondering wtf "Does he like me or not?"

[Asker]

My approach is being nice to girls, which is what girls on this site say that they want.

[techkitty]

Should I take that to mean that you are only nice to girls you are interested in? I mean how do you tell the girl you are interested in dating her or in getting to know her better, if you are just being nice that's a start but you need to close the deal so to speak.

[Asker]

Well how then?

[Asker]

And no matter what I do, I can NEVER get into a position to "close the deal" anyway

[techkitty]

Tricky question it's subjective to the girl and the guy... Some guys will just lean in for a hug to gauge a response and try for a kiss, some will guide you to look at them while playfully flirting, some will straight up ask you if you are interested in more than friend ship, personally I prefer the playful flirty approach followed with a lean in for a hug. The flirt response is enough to indicate interest so it builds confidence for more touching ;-)

[Asker]

K well, if I do anything you just suggested, I get ostracized by the girl.

[Asker]

Bottom line is, any girl I ever meet will give attention to any guy that's not me.

[techkitty]

Then you're delivery is off, part of dating is determining how to communicate with girls. From your responses I can tell you are struggling with learning that ability. Knowing how to make a connection with a girl is very dependent on how well you can communicate with her. Not just talking but understanding what she is saying or asking.

[Asker]

No, that's just not right

[techkitty]

It could also be the negativity radiating from you. Being nice isn't enough, express interest in her or things she is interested in, if she likes you she will give you openings, suggesting movies, events that she would like to do sometime, that's a hint she wants you to ask her out, it all goes back to communication. Good luck

[Asker]

I ALREADY do what you said and THAT is never enough.

[Asker]

and the negativity is because I'm getting frustrated by the answers that are suggesting that I need to do something special. That being who I am is not enough, I need to play some sort of game to win a girl.

[Asker]

I DO express interest when I like a girl. I FLIRT ALL THE TIME WITH THEM. But I must not be impressing or dazzling them enough.

[Asker]

And if you understood what I was saying, you would know that the problem is that the various approaches that I've tried never work, meaning that it's something about ME

[techkitty]

You don't need to impress or dazzle, you should be yourself, I'm not suggesting you should play some kind of game, I'm just suggesting that something is missing in your approach to getting a girl. Obviously I don't know you well enough to tell you exactly what that is, I can only guess based on what you have posted.

[Asker]

I do EXACTLY what my friends who have girlfriends do.

[Asker]

IN FACT, I'm MORE suave than they are. But maybe it's because I don't pose a threat to them, you know, girls are attracted to guys that are bad for them.

[techkitty]

lol I don't get that impression at all, suave is not the word I would use at all. You seem just south of irritated headed for a total melt down. Determined to make me see that "you do everything your friends do and they all have girlfriends" while you the better looking suave guy is completely ignored because he is to nice. Take a step back for a moment and re-read what you are posting. It's not logical...

[Asker]

Well guess what? Girls are not logical.

Just because you give advice, doesn't mean it's right.

[Asker]

Or even good, for that matter.

[techkitty]

Interesting you blame the girls, you claim to be a nice guy, but based on your interactions with me and others I would beg to differ. You asked for advice, try learning some manners and how to treat others as you would like to be treated. I'd say your issue lies in your crappy attitude.

[Asker]

lol

[Asker]

Maybe if people gave me advice that I haven't heard, tried, and failed with I wouldn't be so angry. And then people just keep repeating it, over and over.

[techkitty]

How are a bunch of strangers on a message board supposed to know what you have been told before? Maybe people keep repeating it because that works for almost everyone. I still think your issue is your attitude. I'm guessing it's communication issue you get frustrated start acting "angry" and it's a real turn off to these girls you are trying to get to know.

[Lannラァン]

You're so pathetic y'know that right? the advices that people or your friends give you and especially your way of being nice to girls isn't the issue.

Though the real problem is basically yourself, after reading everyone's opinions i find that you're so pathetic unlike me and it's funny that you're way worse than me compared to how i'm also in the same pickle just like you, despite our differences and compared to how much you're expressing yourself about that matter, you think no one understands you is because they aren't completely in your shoes to know what's it like for you to get turned down by every girl you've met despite how nice you're still trying to be to them and how much you're trying to win them over to fall for you.

How pathetic... regardless of the advices and methods you've tried, have you ever bothered trying to understand that relationships can't be won over that easily or are you just that frustrated about getting turned down each time a girl you're trying to win over isn't gonna fall for you instead because of your behavior and attitude or are you really that desperate for a relationship, the context you're providing for us has no "logic" or whatsoever, since no one has told you this before i doubt you'd ever find this helpful at all.

Your confidence, fixing your appearance, changing your attitude and approach has nothing to do with why they turned you down, and yet you get envious/jealous of them giving other guys attention, you're unaware of how relationship works since it's the other way around, well get used to it dude, you're gonna get turned down anyway weather you like it or not, you try too hard and when it doesn't go according to your plan, you end up making a big deal of it when someone tries to give you advice which doesn't work out for you and it ends up looking like it's the same advice that you've been given repeatedly, i think you just can't accept the fact that there's always gonna be more than one reason why they turned you down, if they find someone they like more than you, then it's better to just let it go and look for someone else instead of crying about it, if you can't be bothered to accept all this and let it go then you're no better than me, at least i can relate to you about what you're going through but despite all this you're not gonna have any luck getting a girlfriend if you can't accept it

[powerpsi]

bahahaha sucks to be you brother. How about you observe someone who is great at getting women and mimicking what they do? If you see a successful person in action you can learn a thing or two about what works and what doesn't, and then work on integrating their behavior into your approaches and attempts.

I think that's good advice

[Asker]

Nah, does not suck to me.

[Truthteller95]

Despite what most are saying a women know if she going to give you a chance before you even open your mouth. Most people try to convince them this is not the case but it is. After being turn down so many times it become hard to continue to remain confident. Some basic on physical traits didn't have many opinions Relationship ain't just about kindness which is why most of them fail

[MyNameIsJonas]

hmm It could be a number of reasons, coming on too strong or maybe you are rushing into it. Just keep a positive attitude either way. Being negative is not going to get you anywhere, Meet new girls talk to new girls.

[Asker]

I understand what you're saying. But it goes the same with any new girl I meet.

[MyNameIsJonas]

Change your game up then. I like too socially experiment with people, especially women. Try something new and see what reaction you get.

[gwanhadu]

Nothing's wrong with you. You'll find a girl some day. Don't worry. Most often, it's when you're looking too hard that you can't find smthg..

[Asker]

Well, I've waited long enough.

[Babibunni]

Don't force it, and wait for the right girl to come along don't ever lower your standards

[Asker]

How do you know that the right girl will come along? Are you telling me that of all the girls I've ever met NOT ONE was remotely right?

[Babibunni]

Trust me you just know when you feel a connection with someone, true love can't be forced it just happens. My boyfriend and I were somewhat friends for years before we started to take interest in each other mainly because we were with someone else but when we were both single and started to hang out I felt a strong connection with him almost right away

[Asker]

K well, no girl will even hang out with me, so...

[Babibunni]

You might be giving off a bad vibe don't give off a desperate vibe, that turns all girls off. You wanna give off a vibe that any girl is lucky to be with you. Girls love confident secure men

[Asker]

I'm not giving off bad vibes.

[Asker]

And why are you telling me to wait? The majority of girls expect the guy to initiate. So if I'm waiting I'm not initiating, and if I initiate, my efforts are just useless because girls just don't look at me like I'm a potential partner.

[Babibunni]

You seem to have a negative attitude though, that leads to bad vibes. Try to be more confident in yourself because people can sense that. Girls love confidence. Haven't you seen a not so good looking guy dating a beautiful women? That's because the girls that are worth dating are more attracted to the guys that are secure and confident than the good looking guy whos insecure

[Asker]

Well maybe it's the girls then, because I AM CONFIDENT.

[Babibunni]

I'm not saying to wait for a girl to approach you, but don't just take the first girl that comes along

[Asker]

You don't get it. Just nevermind.

[Babibunni]

D: hahaha guess not I don't know what the problem is...try finding a dating or life coach

[Ajetzz]

They told me this and nobody came :(

[Anonymous]

You just haven't found the right girl, the one who's meant for you.

[Asker]

But why can't I meet just one who's as into me as I am into her, even if it's just for a short time? All my friends have better luck than I do.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah, the struggles of many many men.

No one can give you any definite answers, only the advice for you to not lose hope. The much easier path in life is to give up and be annoyed at the world and your luck. I think it's so much more beneficial to be positive.

You probably won't find this helpful, but there's truth in cliches. Keep your head up man.

[Zodiac988]

What exactly are you doing? Describe your method.

[megan44]

iv had a lot of short term relathionships and that's probably just what these girls want. its probably nothing against you one day you will find the right one

[Asker]

How do you know that? And why does it have to take me so long and not you, or my friends?

[ihatetakingcharge]

hate how girls can be desperate but not guys

[Anonymous]

Do you know how to have a good time? Laugh? Etc? Or are you really serious all the time?

[Asker]

I'm the one who is always making jokes and laughing.,

[Opinion Owner]

Well maybe you aren't funny.

You sit here asking for help and then vote everyone down that tries to help you.

[Asker]

lol