What does it mean when a guy says he wants to see where it goes?

[Tiarra]

There is this guy I have been dating for a month and a bit.

I wanted to get a bit of an idea of where I stood with him. Found out he was not seeing anyone else and that he thinks I am a sweetheart and has a ball when he hangs out with me.

After I asked him what his thoughts were on all this and mentioning that I thought we had a good thing going and that I did not want this to be a casual thing.

He agreed and did mention that it was early days and we are still getting to know each other. Then mentions he wants to see where it goes. Does this mean we are officially together now?

[planetanarchy]

NO, it does not. whatever you do, don't agree to be a girlfriend. Even as a girlfriend, a man in his heart will only see you as a date until HE puts commitment and marriage on the table.

I highly suggest also dating other men and keeping your options open until you do. there is a few ways you can go about this, I'm not sure if you get attached from sex or not, but that is when you can set the boundaries and have the speeches with him about sexual excluvisity, and that you are going to keep your options open until he decides he wants a commitment, that you don't want to put any pressure on him. The guy will always feel better if he's ahead and not you getting ahead of yourself...

[planetanarchy]

you can agree to sexual exlusivity, but keep your options open* keep meeting men, it will change your vibe too, and it triggers men into knowing and realizing that you are in fact still on the market, and that he has to decide what he wants to do because you value your worth and needs.

[planetanarchy]

that, and for sexual exclusivity, that I need dates/ physical contact at least 3 times a week. you can't let me know or think they can jsut come in and do as they pelase, its up to you to honor your feelings and get your needs met.

[planetanarchy]

men* not me

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I would say the fact that he made it clear he's not seeing anyone besides you makes things "official."

But in terms of what you're expecting, no this does not make you official.

When a guy says "Let's see where it goes," he's saying he wants to continue the involvement the two of you have, and see how things continue.

Does it mean you're casual? No, it does not.

But it does not mean you're attached at the hip either.

[Tiarra]

I did not mention anything about being boyfriend and girlfriend to him just yet. Knew that would be too soon to talk about but was just confused by his statement that's all. Even though that would have been great if we were official.

Mainly though. Just wanted to see if he was seeing anyone else to get more of an idea of where I stood with him and to see if there was a chance it could turn into something more.

Oh I still will give him space to do his own thing while we are seeing each other.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

So are you saying you don't believe him?

Because you pointed out that he said he's not seeing anyone, and then you're asking if his statement means that he is.

Do you have trust issues?

[Tiarra]

I do believe that he is not seeing anyone else.

Was just confused about the seeing where it goes statement.

No. I just have been burned by jerks before and don't want to waste my time and feelings on someone if they are not on the same page as me. Hence wanting to know a little bit about where I stood with this guy.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Then if you believe him when he tells you something, why are you relating him to your past "jerks?"

[Tiarra]

Because a lot of guys bullsh*t about things. I am just hoping he does not turn into one of them. He does seem pretty genuine though. I have learnt to look at a guys actions rather then words because of this and so far, so good. Hence why I believe what this guy is saying.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

If your attitude about guys is that hostile, maybe you shouldn't be dating right now.

[Tiarra]

Not being hostile. Just careful.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Well Tiarra, that's not careful, that's paranoid and it's a completely unhealthy chip on your shoulder to have in any type of relationship.

Imagine that this guy might be giving you a very fair shot and making an impression, and he as well, and that's what he is up against and he doesn't even know it.

How would you like someone judging your communication based on what slag said years before, completely unrelated to you?

[Tiarra]

I would not like that at all.

I am realising that, hence why I am giving this guy the benefit of the doubt and going to keep things going the way they are and let things happen naturally and not rush him.

I only mentioned two or three things. Nothing about wanting a relationship. Just wanted to get an idea of where I stood that was all. Him wanting to see where things go. That was all I was confused about. Nothing else.

[Tiarra]

Now know that it just looks like he just wants to continue things the way they are. He is not seeing anyone else while we are and I am cool with that. That was the main thing I really wanted to find out. LoL.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

He already said he wasn't seeing anyone else! Why did he have to say it multiple times for you to be "cool?" You're projecting Tiarra, and while this could be a great relationship in the making, you're going to ruin it with that attitude and that outlook.

[Tiarra]

He never said that multiple times! I never asked him multiple times. Only once. I was fine with that. I was just a little confused that's all, (hence the question on this page) and that was the end of the conversation on that subject. I just keep on repeating it to you on here so you get what I am talking about. LoL. Obviously you do not get what I am trying to explain.

[magicv82001]

hey, tiarra, do you see what I mean? I would suggest focusing somewhere else for now, and let this one go

[Tiarra]

Trying to explain it. At least you get what I mean Magicv.

[magicv82001]

i was noticing the rise in the tension level. by the way, I think you did rather well in explaining your self, you stuck right to th point and zeroed in on the flaws in the argument against you, I'm rather impressed!

[marucs254]

I have a VERY hard time forming relationships, so I take things slow. I have told girls the exact same thing. You might not be officially together but it definitely sounds exclusive and that's the same thing just without a label put on it. Some guys (including my self) don't like to rush to put labels on relationships. If I have a good thing going I like to take time to enjoy it and build a foundation to make it last.

[Tiarra]

I think that this is what he might mean also. That we are not officially together but exclusive without the label. Hence my confusion. The way you put it does make sense. :).

Is there any advice you have gotten for me while going through this process?

[marucs254]

Just be patient with him, and don't get discouraged. My best friend was exclusive his girlfriend about 6 months before he started calling her his girlfriend (I'm not saying he will take that long). They have been together for 4 years now. Just don't try to push him into it, keep showing him you want to be with him. maybe raise the question in another month. And again don't get discouraged.

[Tiarra]

So should I be worried about him wanting to date other girls? I hope by saying that I did not want a casual thing it brought across that I did not want us to date other people?

[marucs254]

It doesn't sound like you need to be worried. You voicing that should have gotten your point across, or at least given him a clue. I know for me dating multiple girls is WAY more trouble than its worth.

[magicv82001]

nope. its still in the tentative stage. sounds like he may have been burnt before by jumping in too soon, so the best thing you can do is not try to rush him. he'll feel like he's being cornered if you do that, and he will bolt. but it sound like things are on the right track, so don't be disappointed. just be patient.

[Tiarra]

Yes. I don't blame him for being a bit cautious. I am a little bit as well. Hence part of the reason why I was asking him a few questions.

I did not mention anything about wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Knew that would be too soon to mention. Even though that would have been great if we were official. I just wanted to get more of an idea of where I stood with him mainly.

No. I will try not to rush him and let him do his own thing. Know that does wreck things. Will be patient as well.

[magicv82001]

sounds to me like you have things well within your awareness, I think you probably just wanted to hear if anyone else's viewpoint was the same or different from your own, which makes sense to me. hope things work out for you two! its a hell of a hard thing, isn't it, to draw a line between your hopes and your fears?

[magicv82001]

im a bit curious as to what you mean by 'official'...how do you know when that status has been acheived? does someone announce it? print it in the paper? what is said? or printed? I'm just ribbing you a little bit, but really, I don't know what that standard is to you, it could be very different than what I might guess.

[Tiarra]

Official means being a couple to me. LoL. No nothing as full on as an announcement in the paper. :P.

[magicv82001]

wow, sounds like waitingatthedoor is taking a rather negative view to your responses, tiarra. I don't see where their responses are warranted given your comments. I guess everyone has a bad day from time to time. people are complicated, are we not? its been a pleasure to trade messages with you here, its interesting to notice some of the differences in how we chop up the English language. (I love the statement: 'two countries divided by a common language'.) occasionally I am mystified by some uses.

[magicv82001]

of English from across the water, but most of the time I find it amusing and enlightening, its one of the reason why I enjoy shakespeare so much. by the way, I have uk roots, family from essex who migrated over 400 years ago, and more recently from merthyr tydfil, glamorgan, wales. and the olympics are giving a good impression over here in the colonies. thought id add all that just for the hell of it lol. off to bed for me for now, good luck to you, yak at ya later

[Tiarra]

LoL yes. I am noticing that. Thanks for the feedback. Just hoping this thing with this guy works out. Fingers crossed.

[Anonymous]

No. It means he wants to see where it goes before making that call. But if he's not seeing anyone else anyway, you're probably on the right path. How far has your relationship advanced physically?

[Tiarra]

No he is not seeing anyone else which is good. That was the main reason why I asked to see if he was.

Oh we are already sleeping together if that is what you mean.

He initiates phone calls with me, plus texts every couple of days and we do go out on dates and hang out. Make out in public as well as the whole sex thing which was not in public. LoL. Just will have to see how it goes.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. You're probably fine then. How often are you having sex each week? And how old are both of you? Also, how many times a week do you sleep over?

[Tiarra]

Once a week, including dates and hanging out. We are both work full time and have different work schedules which makes it hard to hang out regularly but he always texts me and updates me with little things and also texts me when he knows I am out with my friends telling me to enjoy my night and be safe.

The first few times he has stayed over at my place and last night three nights after he moved into his new place he invited me over after going to the movies closer to my place.

[Opinion Owner]

Cool. Once a week is tough, but on the bright side, it probably means that when you DO get a chance to get together that you probably go at it like bunnies! Especially since it's early in your relationship, it's a good sign if that's the case--and possibly a red flag if it isn't. Sounds like he's into you otherwise if he's texting you and calling regularly.

[Tiarra]

I just hope I have not ruined anything by bringing stuff up. Did not ask whether we were boyfriend or girlfriend or anything but did mention I was not seeing anyone and did not do casual and wanted to know his thoughts that was it.

[Opinion Owner]

If you want exclusivity, you need to ask for it directly. It sounds like you probably have it anyway, but since you only see him once a week, it's reasonable to ask. You can make the case that it's safest in terms of regular sex if both of you are monogamous.

[Tiarra]

In the mean time. I guess I have to just still keep it on the same level with no pressure and just enjoy my time with him. Just glad I know he is not seeing other girls and is willing to give us a go and see if it works out between us.

Do you reckon in saying this, he would not be looking to date other girls now?

[Opinion Owner]

Probably not. You'd be a better judge of that than I would. If you're in communication with him most days, then it's pretty unlikely he'd have the time to date someone else. You can also check that he's as, ummm. . . productive, as he usually is when you see him once a week.

[Tiarra]

Well he says he is not seeing anyone and I did mention I did not want to casually date and he seemed cool with that.

I am in communication with him most days. He still even sent a couple of texts today saying how good of a weekend he had with me and everything seems fine.

I think he does do that a fair bit because of how busy he is with work and the Gym. Just to let me know he is still interested I guess.

Yes am looking more closely at his actions then his words.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

It means he's unsure about commitment.