Why is my boyfriend always so easily offended help please!

[jerzeygurl100]

I'll try to keep things as short as possible but my boyfriend and I didn't see each other for a while and on Monday he was ignoring me because I couldn't come see him.

Today (3 days later) we finally saw each other after about 2weeks and had a nice time. We got on the discussion of domestic violence and he was angry because I said I would never stay with someone who verbally abused me (like cursed me out)

he feels like I'm basically undermining our relationship by saying that's all it takes to end our relationship and threatening him to stay good and by all means that's NOT what I was doing at all we were just talking AND he's the one who brought it up too! not me! so I don't get it. How do you get offended off your own subject !?

i swear to god I don't know what the fuk to do he's always getting mad over something how can you do that now he's all rude and defensive talking about how nasty he can be and didn't say anything because he didn't want to curse me out I'm like wtf ?

! I'm SO PISSED HELP!

[smokahontas]

First of all, he is insecure(don't tell him that) maybe he is guilty of going through being verbally abused. He is stressed and probably going through a hard time, make sure to step in his shoes first, never raise your voice at him even if he is being the meanest person in the world. If you love him and think it is worth being in a relationship, make sure to be understanding and supportive. You have reached the stage in a relationship where the true colors and feelings come out, this can be shown by him being comfortable around you. Make sure to think before you say things. Make sure to explain clearly that that was not what you meant. By the way, don't have a discussion about something very serious if it is not necessary and he hasn't done it to you. I see where he is coming from, he is over thinking it and many people over think things, you can never change that of a person. The best thing to do is to just apologize, even if you didn't do anything wrong, it really will make a difference.

[jerzeygurl100]

Thanks I spoke to him today after what you said and we agreed that he will not be so quick to be enraged with me like that. Also to get to know me more and understand my intentions when I speak instead of jumping to conclusions and if he is offended to tell me in a calmer way and I'll do my best to clarify / apologize and correct myself.

i do love him a lot I don't know why or how to explain it it's like I just can't leave him alone. I'll try to be more patient and just say sorry whenver he's upset

[smokahontas]

Good :) and in the long run, if you show support and patience, he will treat you good.

[Anonymous]

Yeah...just walk away. It's a fight for control in the relationship. Him not agreeing that abuse is wrong (verbal.physical/mental/emotional) is a sign that he wants some cushion for in the future, when he'll do doubt do something you deem abusive and he wants you not to have said anything so he'll be, in a sense, in the clear.

So I'd just leave him now.

[islands7]

These emotions on both sides = lust for each other

but the lack of maturity (both getting so emotionally mad with no intellect reasoning, no seeing the other side) does not = love ... yet

Getting mad is not getting what you want & blaming someone else; he started it and now you have adopted this attitude. One might read what love is in The Bible but for many, this goes in one ear & out the other. Understanding love might be best perceived by remembering someone that "loved you to death" and all the events they composed to demonstrate this to you. With this model, you'll know how to proceed.

At your age range, I'm thinking this relationship "match" is just too difficult for beginners, so put it on the back burner, find someone else and come back to this one later one ... perhaps ... with more experience to solve such hurtles.

[jerzeygurl100]

Idk I feel like I love him I do notice it's more for certain when we are in person that is something to think about. I did talk to him though and I will try to be more patient getting upset I guess wasn't the best way to handle it ik if someone is angry the best counter is to be calm.

Thanks your right the bible does show the true definition of agape love by Christ and I should be practicing it and be more long suffering. =.= I suck boo me ahaha

[Dionysos]

It's a bid for control. He's trying to make you feel bad for requiring what everybody should expect from their significant other. Abuse is abuse. Once it starts it never stops, and you're totally right to have it in the deal breaker column. Doesn't sound like he's a lot of fun to hang out with if he has anger issues like you describe, and the controlling aspect of it is flat out scary.

[jerzeygurl100]

yeah he isn't always fun to hang out with it's like I have to walk on egg shells that's how sensitive he is I don't get it. and your right it does feel like he doesn't appreciate my having standards or like preferences. like I should take him how he is no matter good bad or indifferent even if it's to my own detriment. ...

not cool :l

[Anonymous]

With that topic, it seems that he does have some anger issues (pertaining to cursing when upset), and from his pov, your answer said "Doesn't matter how good things are, doesn't matter if it was first time, etc"

So the problem is that he's immature. Most likely on edge because of the time apart I suppose.

[Blobb]

He sounds annoying, tell him to stop being such a little bitch.

[jerzeygurl100]

hahaha my sentiments exactly xD rofl glad someone understands where I'm comin from