How did her feelings change so quickly? A sudden 180!!

[churo22]

I was seeing this great girl for a little over two months. Everything seemed great and we never had one argument. About six weeks into the relationship she started telling me how much she loved me & never wanted to be with anyone else. I had already met her parents & sister then a week later she took me to meet her aunt & uncle. We had been having sex and around that same time that I met her aunt & uncle she told me that she didn't want to have sex anymore until marriage & was going to quit taking her birth control (Yaz). However, we did have sex a couple of more times after she quit taking bc. We saw each other a few more times and told each other we loved one another & all seemed fine. I saw her on a Tues night before I went on call for work the next day because I would be unable to see her for that week because of being on call & we live an hour apart. Her dad was also having knee replacement surgery the next day so she was staying with her mom & dad to help mom. We talked that Wed, Thurs, Fri, & Sat. All seemed fine. We didn't talk that Sun but texted and she still used words like "boo" and "sweetie." The next night, Mon, we were talking & I told her I would be glad when I got off call in 2 days because I missed seeing her. She said, yea I miss you too but I don't feel like I've missed you enough. I was floored. She said she felt like the spark was gone. How can one say they love you & never want to be with anyone else then 2 weeks later they don't want to see you again? That's a sudden 180.

A little background...she was raped ten weeks before we met. Her dad had a stroke about 2.5 weeks before she told me she didn't miss me enough. She stopped taking the birth control so I wondered if that whacked out her hormones. Then the stress from staying with parents to help take care of dad. This is a pretty good girl that goes to church every Sunday & sings in the choir.

I guess I have a few questions. What do you guys think caused the sudden change? I asked if she met another guy & she swears not. I'd like to think she wouldn't lie but who knows. Second, I have some things at her house that I told her I wanted back & she said she'd meet me one night this week to give them to me. Should I meet her to get them & try to talk about things or would that make me look needy & weak? Or should I tell her to mail them to me? Would asking her to mail them make me look more mysterious & possibly make her miss me more by not seeing me? Anything at all that may change her mind?

So confused!

Updates

+1 y

Anyone else have an opinion? I need all the help I can get & feel free to ask me any questions if you feel like you need more info to help me.

Updates

+1 y

I'm going out of town tomorrow for a few days but she & I emailed today & she has agreed to meet up with me Tuesday to at least give me my things that are at her house. Should I try to talk to her while there or just get my things & leave? What to say?

Updates

+1 y

Met her Tues & talked for 2 hrs. She's 11 weeks preg by ex-bf. We had only been out twice & she got drunk & let him come over. Sucks because things were going well. Explains her 180 now. I should totally move on & not give her any kind of change right?

[lansing]

Warning sign numero uno: "About six weeks into the relationship she started telling me how much she loved me & never wanted to be with anyone else."

I get really suspicious of people who fall in 'love' this easily, it usually means they can fall out of love just as quick. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until I read this: "she told me that she didn't want to have sex anymore until marriage & was going to quit taking her birth control"

PFFFFFFTTT BWAHAHAHAHA! What the f*** is THAT? she's choosing to be abstinent NOW? Hahaha I'm not sure if she's just ignorant, delusional, or just plain manipulative.

Then when you factor in the 180 you just witnessed... well cutting the cord is starting to look like a nice option now. Move on find yourself a good girl that's worth your while. This one has 'unstable' stamped all over it, you've only been dating a couple months which is way to short to be going through all this sh*t.

[liamkarl]

wow lots of questions =L

i think its stress that caused her to change her mind

i doubt she would have lied because she seems like a nice gurl

if I were you I would try to talk things through and no its won't make you loos needy and week

DO NOT TELL HER TO MAIL THEM TO YOU! it'll make her think you don't wanna see her

sounds like she's too stressed out with everything that's going on to think straight

[churo22]

Thanks for your reply. You mentioned you had lots of questions. Feel free to ask them & I"ll answer honestly. I have nothing to hide and am looking for all the help & advice I can get.

[Summer123]

Guys I kinda have the same problem only opposite. this guy recenetly ended thinsg with me cause he just "wasnt happy the past week" but he still tells me all the time how I am something special and he misses me...he wants to just talk to me alot..and will never just stop taking to me. he told hme he doesn't think we are done forever but is just very confused. but he's done this to me before..and then we didn't talk for a while..and then we starrted and he told me that there's no one better out there

[churo22]

That's what she told me, she wasn't happy for like a week, week and a half. I feel like it was either due to stress on her part with her dad, a rape flashback, or either she has met someone else. I would like to meet with her to get my things & talk to her but I don't know if she will be receptive to talking. She also told me she knows I'm a really great guy & feels bad about all this.

[Reeses-pieces777]

i agree it's stress. a lot of family time and devotion on her part and so she doesn't have much energy left to think clearly when she's talking to you.

you should do whatever about talking in person and it wouldn't make you look needy and weak.

talking and discussing about important issues in a relationship is constructive

just be there for her because this is an emotional time for her

she may be feeling guilty that she doesn't have enough time to devote to you at this point

in that case, you comfort her.

after things clear up a bit and stabilize in her family life, I think she will be back to herself, especially if you will be there during her difficult time.

[churo22]

I guess I'm just really confused. She says she doesn't miss me enough, feels like the spark is gone, and is really sorry that things haven't worked for us. I'm interpretting that as she is done with me but I guess from some of the comments not everyone agrees. I guess I just want to know what to say if/when I meet her to get my things. Thanks everyone for their input.

[Anonymous]

I really don't know what's up with her but I can tell you I was raped 14years ago and I still think about it and cry sometimes. I'm sorry it happened.

Ok I have done that said I really liked someone or loved them then I didn't want to see them again. It was because I didn't want to lose them, I know that's weird. But I didn't want to like them more than I did and then they leave me later. I think she does love you and is just stressed with everything and needs a friend. If you really love her just be there and be her friend and show her you're not going anywhere.

[churo22]

I'm sorry you had that terrible event happen to you. I can only imagine how bad that is to endure. I genuinely love her with all my heart & would be there for her in a second if she wanted/needed me. I guess I don't want to fall in the "friend zone" & also how can I be there for her yet not look like I'm begging for her back? I don't want to play mind games but some of my friends say if she said she's not missing me enuf don't meet her to get my stuff. They say she'll miss me more by mailin it

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you. I think you should see her to get your stuff back and not mail it, she might think you don't want to see her because you don't care. And just tell her how you feel don't play games. Just be honest. Just talk. She's probably just stressed and feels like she has no time for a boyfriend. You just have to talk to her as a friend and show her you are going to be there and she can trust you. just ask her if she really loved you and ask her why she really doesn't want to be with you.

[churo22]

That's exactly what I want to do. I just don't want to look needy and like I'm begging for her back. Part of me thinks she met another guy or got back with an ex but when I asked she swore that wasn't it & I even asked her if she had would she tell me and she said yes she would if that were the case. How much longer do you think I should wait to get my things? Next few days or wait a another week or so? Thank you for your responses!

[Andrew_Mussolini]

When I read your story, I was expecting to read something along the line of she was breaking up with you or some thing. The thing is, all she said was that she felt the spark has gone. That's not good enough reason to think that she has changed her mind, I don't think. It has to be a pattern. You have got to see a pattern before you jump into a conclusion. Do you see a pattern developing? In the mean time, I would suggest that you treat her exactly like how you have been treating her before because if not, then you will get into the chicken and egg situation with her where she would see a change in you and maybe, just maybe, log in into a dating advise website asking people about why you are changing 180 degree just because she was under some stress and the rest will just go down hill really fast from there.

In summary: Play it cool and watch for pattern! That's my recommendation.

[Andrew_Mussolini]

Ooops... didn't see that that was 5 months ago. And yes pregnancy is a pattern...

[sumina7]

I think solving this girl's problem is beyond you (or any other person). She needs professional help, i.e. psychotherapy and counselling. Rape can not be easily handled by a girl of her age on her own. So, let her go. If you care about her, advise her family members to find help.

[higurb]

I've been in this situation too many times. Some women just can't control their feelings and they hurt everyone around them. Best thing to do is just forget about her and move on. You can't fix it so I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

I had a girl dump me the day my mother died. She sent me pictures of her having sex with some kid that was still in high school. She went from she couldn't be with anyone else to that.

Just move on. That's all you can do.

[sumina7]

Hey, I am sorry to hear about how that bitch treated you.

I had a tendency to pick up girls with certain "edge" and they turned out to be psychotic. Now I avoid them like the plague although I am still attracted to them.

[voodoochild]

She wants serious commitment and will threaten to break up with you if you refuse to bring the relationship to second level now (and fast).

Especially around your age, women will marry any random guy lol :D