Why has she changed her feelings so suddenly?

I met a girl online and thought she was amazing. It lasted three dates only. The first was great, we had everything in common and talked untill the barmen was clearing up around us, it is really the only time I thought I connected with someone so soon. 2 days later (Thursday) we met for dinner, this time there was some touching, even better conversation, lots of great eye contact and what I thought was clear chemistry. She told me that she had been taliking about me to her friends and asked me out again the following night to meet her friends for food, I agreed because I liked her and thought that was a sign that she felt the same, right? The next night was also great, met her friends and got on really well. There was lots of touching from her in front of her friends and even the odd kiss. After we went for some drinks alone. She told me that no one had ever treated her so well and that she had never been so excited about futher dates. She said that when talking to her friends about me, they had said to her that they were excited because they had never seen her so excited about seeing someone. She said that her friends thought I would fit in well and this made her happy that I got on with them. She asked me why I hadn't properly kissed her yet, and that when I kissed her on the forehead while catching her looking up at me earlier made her day. With that we kissed (god this sounds sickly) and both agreed that it was all good, we talked about spending the night together but both thought it was best to take our time. She asked me to come to her house for dinner in two days, her brothers will be there but no parents, again I agree. We both go home, I text her to say thanks to which she replies 'thinking of you too, looking forward to our fourth date, although they are no longer dates and are meetings between two people that care for each other, is that strange?' I reply of course not and will see you Sunday and looking forward to it. It is now 2am ish sat morning and she then posts on her FaceBook wall that she is 'smitten as a kitten'. OMG I feel for the first time ever that this might work! The following day I speak with her on the phone and late that night she sends me a kiss. Sunday as planned I go to see her at the parents house, but this time she's so different. Doesn't really want to talk to me or touch me and I get the idea that she didn't want me there. I leave early knowing there's something wrong and later she tells me she's confused about what she wants. Don't hear anything for another 15hrs when she tells me this is not what she wants, I ask for an expanation beacause as you can see I'm very confused considering the apparent feelings between us and what she said to me 18hrs before! She bluntly tells me there's no chemistry and that's it. I'm really not a fool and have been around and I know how it felt. Why has she changed her mind so suddenly? Hows it gone from saying and acting like that to nothing?Was it an act?

I should add that a few days after her telling me it was over I sent her flowers and a short note telling her that I thought she was amazing and I was sorry we were not going to see each other again. Never heard anything back.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, I'm sorry that you got let down so quickly. Secondly, if she says there's no chemistry, then don't look back. Even if you thought things were amazing on those dates, she might have had something else on her mind (the feeling of not having chemistry might have arisen long ago and she didn't mention it). You're actually lucky that you don't have to deal with her anymore because sometimes people don't know what they want and end up stringing people on for a long time till one person gets fed up. Don't take it to heart since it's only a couple of dates and move on. Good luck! :)

    • Hey thank you, I know what you mean, it could have been a lot worse and understand about not looking back, but again there must have been something there for her to take me to meet her best friends, say all the things she did and then advertise that she was smitten on FB just after our last date. Seriously, as a women, how does it go from her saying all that, showing me physical affection to suddenly nothing overnight? Not even considering meeting up again? I really don't get it?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I knew from the moment you said you kissed her forehead, that it was going to be down hill from there. I think you should have tried and kissed her on the lips, since everything was going great. I think when you weren't showing her affection, it was like a rejection. Yeah you guys ended up kissing, but maybe it wasn't a passionate kiss. Also when you said "god this sounds sickly" doesn't sound like you were that into it. That's probably why she had a sudden change of heart. I think that maybe you can try and make it up to her, doing something nice and romantic. Step up your game to get her back. If she doesn't reciprocate then its OK, there's plenty of other girls out there. At least it was a long relationship and then end badly..Goodluck!

    • Hey thanks, but I must be clear here. I was showing her plenty of affection, the kiss on the forhead was only because I was stood up and she was sat down, we were watching firework and I caught her looking up at me, and she seemed pretty excited by it from what she said later? So yeah I take your point, but not sure myself. But why is she taking me to meet her best friends and saying she cares about me and advertising it on FB? Surley being smiiten about someone says there must be chemistry?

What Guys Said 1

  • Wow..what a roller coaster!?! It sounds like she was forcing herself to feel something she was not. Maybe there is other things going on in her life? Did an exBF reappear? Could be anything, who knows. Just close the book on this one and move on.

    • Hey thanks, Its funny how you mention an exBF, because that was my first thought espeacially as she advertised her feelings for me on FB, maybe a recent ex got wind of it and came back into the picture. You're right the book is (sort of) closed, but I'm no fool and I hate to think that I got it all wrong you know. It doesent make sense why she would say all that stuff and then within a day she is completely different! Thanks again though

    • NP...just don't try and rationalize this. Women run on feelings, if you try and figure this out your likely to drive yourself insane! I'm willing to bet the exBF angle was the right one. She was in such a rush to show you off to everyone...don't you think that was super quick? That was my first reaction when I read it. It was like she was trying to convince everyone (and herself) of something...like - see everyone...I have a new BF.

    • Hey thanks, no you're right it will drive me mad! I did think it was quick to be honest. And the exBF thing does make sense. Although I find it hard to believe that she would intentionally use me to get to an ex because like I said the way she was with me was very genuine. I'm not sure that can be faked? I do think though that she perhaps wanted the word to get out for a reaction and then got an unexpected reaction from her ex which she has acted on. But who knows, I don't think I ever will!