Does no contact rule help to win your ex back and make them miss you or will it make him forget me & move on?

[amylouisex]

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 week ago mainly

because of the fights and arguining. at first I panicked and started to beg for him back (calling texting you name it!) but I am now in 2 week of no contact! I know he loved me, however he has blocked me out of his life completley! 2 weeks after he broke up with me he also kissed another girl but he rang me up straight after telling me he loved me and missed me and that he would give me a chance. I am so heartbroken will no contact pay off? won't it just make him forget about me rather than miss me? please help! x

[onemoreplease]

The main point of the 'no-contact rule' is to allow both people to take a step back, take a deep breath, get some perspective, heal from the pain of the relationship and breakup, and generally get back to living an independent and functional life. It can also be a way to maintain (or regain) your dignity and self-respect... getting hysterical or hounding your ex isn't healthy for either of you. No-contact isn't supposed to be a way to manipulate others or 'trick' an ex into coming back, and it kind of defeats the purpose to do no-contact but spend all of your time thinking about your ex and waiting for the phone to ring. I would encourage you to use this time to really take care of yourself, do the things that YOU want to do and think about how YOU really feel. Yes, breakups suck and you may be hurting right now, but there were REASONS why the relationship ended and those reasons will come right back to the surface if you rush back together without resolving those issues. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm 'scolding' you, but I noticed that you are fixated on getting your ex back and only briefly mentioned the arguing and fights that had been happening before the breakup... I just think that it could be good for you to reflect on what the relationship was REALLY like and the problems that led to the breakup in the first place.

Anyway, to answer your question, I think the outcome from 'no-contact' is 50/50... meaning, roughly half of people find it easier to detach from their ex and move on, and half of people realize how much they miss and love their ex and want to try again. It really depends on the people involved, the seriousness of the relationship and the problems that were happening. Couples that were very close and emotionally attached are much more likely to get drawn back together after they break up, especially if they were together for a significant amount of time. It's really impossible to predict, though, and no one can say for sure that your ex will want to try again. You CAN stop worrying that he will forget you - although no-contact does help some people heal faster, it can't erase the past or the memories of your relationship. I don't like the fact that he called you after kissing someone else (it just seems disrespectful, hurtful and pointless,) but if it makes you feel any better, it could mean that he's just as hurt, emotional, and confused as you are right now. Which is also even more reason that you two should be focusing on getting yourselves back to a healthy and stable mindset, not making big decisions or rushing to get back together.

Take care of yourself, and best of luck - I hope you feel better soon.

[amylouisex]

Thankyou for your reply! I am using no contact rule to help me heal and overcome the breakup however I did hope it would maybe make my ex miss me and come back but your answer has just helped me understand the outcomes! it did hurt when he rung me after he kissed her but maybe he did it because he was confused and hurt or lonely and it made him see? he was very drunk but that is no excuse! it hurts! but thankyou ever so much! we argued but the good memories out do that.

[onemoreplease]

I totally understand that you're hoping the no-contact will make him miss you, I think that most people feel that way when they decide to stop contacting an ex for good. My guess is that he called you after kissing someone else because he realized it isn't so easy to replace you (and he was drunk,) but it must have felt really crappy to have that thrown in your face. All you can do is keep your head high and try not to fixate on him too much, take care of yourself and the rest will work out :)

[amylouisex]

it did hurt yes! its just strange from being with him for 2 years talking to him everyday him telling me he loved me every day for 2 years to just blocking me completely out of his life?!

[QueenBeatris]

I broke up with my ex 5 months ago for doing more than kissing other girls...not acceptable behavior in a relationship..he has demonstrated he has no respect so you should not contact him anymore,its noithing you did,It was a tough road but reafing hepled me and a lot of prayers..you have to see your own worth,he will miss you for sure,but he can't miss you if you are not gone..so disappear for good,if he truly loves and misses you ,he will pop up again and at that point you sould be emotionally stronger and be able to make a rational decision..do you go back or not...its your call but when they are that selfish, we are better off choosing to stay out...its going to hurt for a long time I won't lie,I hate the feeling but I'm finally over it,he did eventually give me a weak ass apology but it was far too late

[amylouisex]

thankyou for your response! and I'm really sorry to hear that! and yes I understand however when he kissed her he rang me straight declaring his love for me asking to meet me for a meal. then he changed his mind! he told me he didn't really remember and he was drunk but that's no excuse soon after he changed his mind about meeting me & tried to make me jealous?! I'm so heaetbroken I hope NC will make him miss me if anything he should be begging for me back! :(

[QueenBeatris]

he asked you out to ease his guilt and when you were OK with it by accepting the invite he cancelled..what a jerk,he can't be trusted.

[amylouisex]

I found out from a girl who saw him kissing her! I don't know wether he was going to tell me that he had kissed her but when I found out after he asked to see me I rang him straight up and he said it was true and he changed his mind there and then about seeing me. he told me he only asked to see me because he felt guilty but begore I found out he was telling me he loved me and wanted me to change my ways! I don't think he was going yo tell me in the first place. it hurts so much! :(

[QueenBeatris]

some guys are cowards,my ex acted like he was 100% faithful but my gut told me differently, he was not man enough to tell the truth.

[amylouisex]

I feel the same! I don't no what to believe if he went and kissed that girl straight after what stopped him from doing it before!? it just hurts that he's out clubbing acting like he's not bothered or hurt and I'm heartbroken! apparently men hide there emotions and I've been told he only goes out to take his mind off me and to fill that "void" hell soon get bored and try running back. I don't even know by then if ill want him! I mean who wants to be 2ndbest right ?

[QueenBeatris]

Yeah I also had a guy who was a regular clubber,not good news,they go out get tipsy and pick up tipsy to drunk chicks and don't bat an eye..hes a pig,u don't need that.

[amylouisex]

your right :/ he's 19 so its hard because he wants to live life

[QueenBeatris]

its nothing you did or can do to change it,..the media makes it hard to see the difference between truth and fantasy and a lot of guys even the older ones believe they can get HO"S ...they will see in time that its all b.s. when they find themselves all alone or with the wrong girl or with an STD while you will find love and happiness the right way

[amylouisex]

yeah! I just don't understand why he would want to finish me after he told me he loved me to go sleep with other girls who don't mean anything to him! I never thought this would happen! :(

[QueenBeatris]

me either but they do it..and it hurts

[AmelieAnge]

HOnestly I think you're in the wrong frame of mind in wanting to make him come back. Please don't take offense to that, I've been there, trust me! But I think right now, while you've got no contact, is the time to build yourself up.

Get more confident, get a cute outfit and go out with friends, make yourself feel good WITHOUT having him around.

I would continue no contact. It allow YOU to heal, and him to think about what he's doing and what he really wants. Then IF he decides he's made a mistake, he can contact you. If not, you're stronger, more confident etc. A win-win.

I know it hurts and you won't be super happy about it to start, but I guarantee in the long run it's the best option.

[amylouisex]

Im going to do exactly what youve just said my

20th birthday is in 2 weeks time I'm going to glam my self up and I'm hitting town Friday and Saturday night and going to the clubs he goes! so I should see him! but when I do should I ignore him and act like I haven't seen him but make sure he sees me? I think if he sees me feelings will

come back, otherwise why would he refuse to see me? he told me he didn't want to see me because he didn't want to get back with me !

[blackkid2]

Due to the longevity of the relationship such a rule has the effect of causing a person to miss you more. Blocking you out of their lives is a means of trying to desperately separate themselves which is an indication of strong emotional ties. The man loves you and will miss you more and will attempt ( or has anyway ) to self-medicate by replacing you with something or someone but will have to deal with his own emotional distress.

The reason why the rule exists is to instill a forceful destruction of a relationship and it is the worst way to go since there is absolutely nothing but pain for both parties participating esp. in longer relations where investments of a major nature were made.

In short it will not make him forget you and move on; it is unlikely he will ever forget you though time forces him to move on.

[amylouisex]

thanks for replying! and I guess you are completley right! it seems like his emotions are all over! and yes he has replaced me not with another woman but he has started going clubbing Friday and Saturdays. I just don't understand why he left me & kissed another girl (he was very drunk! I no that is no excuse but) then he rang me after saying he still cared about me we arranged to meet then he changed his mind & said he didn't want to see me! I just don't understand:(

[onemoreplease]

I'm sorry, but I disagree that no-contact is "the worst way to go." It may *seem* painful, but the pain is temporary and it is only caused by fear of loss and withdrawals from depending on another person in a dysfunctional situation. Numerous studies have shown that it not only helps people to heal faster after a bad relationship, but that those who do get back together have better relationships in the future if they did no-contact for period after breaking up.

[glamphotog]

The no contact rule exists to make you not look desperate and pathetic. It doesn't influence the other person one way or another if they already made up their mind.

So with no contact:

1) If he has moved on already, he's moved on no contact or not. The more you contact him, the further he'll want to be.

2) If he hasn't moved on already then he'll be the one reaching out to you. (but he may also be just keeping you on the hook for various reasons)

[amylouisex]

when he broke up with me he told me he still had feelings for me but he said it was the best! he told me it will be hard but its the right thing to do I love him so much I am just hoping no contact will make him miss me and realise!? I feel like he doesn't care he goes out every weekend with his friends clubbing and I'm sat at home heartbroken thinking about him 24/7 thankyou for your response anyhow! I really appreciate it!

[Rachels]

Check out on google -exboyfriendrecovery.com

It's helped me... I'm 31 and my ex is 27..

He's hurting and you need to be that ungettable girl.. I know its hard but don't let this destroy you. This page is ace and has helped me and its working. Keep your mystery :))

[Kesser]

No contact benefits you no matter what. It helps you to move on, and it will give you an answer.

If he forgets you and moves on, than it's not worth fighting for. If he contacts you, than maybe there's another chance. Focus on you right now.

[thebabygoose]

Let him come to you, since he's the one who broke you guys up. Move on and he'll come back if there's emotional connections with you two

[amylouisex]

thankyou I'm just worried he won't come back and I am allowing him to forget and move on:/ but your right if its ment to be it will be!

[thebabygoose]

yeah I gotcha...but 2 years is a reaaaally long time, I had a one week relationship a year ago and I still remember him and think about him from time to time, and he does too. so he has a chance of not forgetting. :)

[amylouisex]

yeah exactly! I hope your right!