Guys, does the "no contact" rule work on men, making you want us more?

I have been told that if things are uncertain in a relationship (however you define it) It's best for the girl to avoid communication and definitely not see the guy for at least a month in order for them to realize that they miss you. When a guy can get the girl with no voiced commitment (ie. "in a relationship", "dating", "exclusive") does he really not take it seriously because it's open? Does the no contact rule work on men?
Does the no contact rule work on men?
Does the no contact rule work on men?
Why is it when a girl tries to distance herself and cut off the communication and contact they seem to crawl back. And if they do crawl back how do you get them to stay?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh sweet Jesus. I do not get game playing.
    I don't know. I mean if you expect a guy to miss you then you probably have a bit more time than a week or two in and at that point if someone pulled that shit on me id be moving on. I don't really think ignoring him for a month is really going to help your cause. I have seen a few replies that have said it worked and maybe it does for some people but I don't think it's a majority.
    Turn the tables, if a guy went dark on you for a month would you still be interested?
    I sure as hell wouldn't be.
    Some guys like to chase but that makes you uncatchable. Not many guys are going to sit around and wait on you for four weeks.
    The guy that MIGHT Is the one you've had a long term relationship with and then at that point, to me, it makes you unreliable. And if it were a long term relationship that went south his friends will know and if they're good friends they might drag him out to cheer him up, four weeks means four Friday nights and four Saturday nights. That's eight possible "guys nights" when he could pick up some chick to "fill the void" you've left, so how do you handle that when/if he comes crawling back?
    Someone mentioned something like "sometimes you need off time" true, sometimes I do, but if you need a month off from someone then you probably don't belong with them.
    I think the only possible way this works is if you give them time to miss you but not so much time they feel you've lost interest and they move on. A month is definitely lost interest territory to me. Depends on how often you were talking or seeing each other too, at least to me, if it was every day and suddenly nothing and no explanation for the disappearing act then a week goes by and I'm done, but that's me. Personally, I don't play games and I don't really care to be with someone that does. Depending on the age of the guy, he's probably not going to want to play those sort of games either.

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    • Yeah those kind of games would not work on me. I can't stand game playing. The only reaction from me would be a permanent "goodbye". A few years ago a girl that I was talking to did stuff like that to me all the time. Needless to say, I threw her out real quick.

  • To be honest, this worked for me. But again, I didn't speak to him because I just didn't feel like he was interested enough in me NOT because I wanted something out of it. In the end- he kept in touch and asked why was it that I disappeared.

    Sometimes, being too available for the man you like is not a good thing. Give him time to miss you and figure out if he wants you in his life.

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    • Yep.. I love how everybody is trying to act like this is beneath them when the facts speak differently.

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    • I really liked this girl and I really wanted her, but I tried to avoid to seem desperate or clingy. I lost her to the reason that she wanted one who would give her more attention.

      Many factors here to take into he picture probably, but I feel I lost the balance here.

    • I agree 100%

Most Helpful Guys

  • One word. NOPE. You know what works like a charm tho? Getting with a douchebag that yoo knoooooow doesn't treat her as good as you did lol. THAT sh*t will get you trying to call her up real quick.

    I know what you mean tho, and yeah a girl tried playing this game with me once. We were doing well for a while, then she started not wanting to hang around my friends I guess (Im ALWAYS chilling with my friends lol) so we stopped chilling as much, but still had fun. Then she started acting real weird, not answering my calls, not wanting to hang out, not even talking to me on Facebook. Pretty much cutting me off. After like 3-4 weeks of absolutely nothing, I decided to call onnne mooore tiiime just to test my theory. And lo and behold, she gave me some bullsh*t excuse again about not being able to come chill or do anything that week. So I literally wrote down her number on a piece of paper, deleted it from my phone, went to the restroom, ripped up the paper, flushed it down the toilet, and actually said "Sayonara bitch!" And that was it. Don't push guys, there's only so much bullsh*t we can take (unless we're I love of course).

    But when a girl is still single and just doesn't want to talk to you, well, for me I just figured she was an ungrateful a**hole. Real talk haha. But in all seriousness, then you realize eventually that you were just never meant to be and that when it REALLLY ends, because youve now cut them off emotionally. You literally feel nothing for them anymore.

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  • It's a very complicated issue that applies differently to every situation. I had this kind of situation with my ex where I looked for her and she was mute, I couldn't expect anything with her. Now we are working the situation up and she told me "I didn't answer because I didn't want to know anything about you at the time." We had a very difficult period at the time that makes that acceptable. I don't think all women apply the "no contact" thing for the same reason and expect a similar result. It's difficult to tell if it's because there's something "hidden" in the situation that needs time to become acceptable (in different depths and time frames) or it's just a "I don't care about you anymore" kind of silence. Either way, the healthy thing to do is moving on. There's no point to be there and if things can be worked out, they certainly can.

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/tqolmvt2GiU

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What Girls & Guys Said

36144
  • On the contrare - I'll move on from her.

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  • Another situation where underneath all that lies woman's "figure out (what you did wrong)" approach. In any case, cutting off contact is like a neon over head stating "I'm immature as hell". Either you talk about the issue (s) or just break up if the line has been crossed. Period. In my whole life I've been with only one woman who did that kind of thing and it just so happens that she was 6 years younger. In the end it turned out that her "standard procedure" was to flee when issues arise, which reminds me of school kids that skip classes "because exam".
    Maybe it'll work when we're talking about teens, when boys don't know the rules of the game and girls still don't have a clue how relationships should work. But the older people get, especially men, the more we are fed up with this kid-resembling princess-like behavior. If a woman is not sure if she wants to be with some man, then she shouldn't waste his time hoping it'll get better just because time passed while she wasn't there. How stupid is that?

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  • When a woman broke up with me I just move on and never talk to her again. No contact is the best way, especially for men. For what I have seen and experienced, a woman moves on before she breaks up with a man. It shouldn't be used to get an ex back because it doesn't work. No contact is to concentrate on YOU and move on.

    It;s not an excuse. Why would you even want to deal with someone that hurt you and/or broke your heart? More men should use no contact, but they don't. Many men think that if they are close to her or remain her "friend" then she will eventually "come around". I've seen women talk to those guys about their problems with other men and say crap like, "Why can't I find a good man?", and that's comedy.

    I am NEVER "friends" with an ex because there's no point. It's a conflict on interest and that is a waste of time. If I see a ex anywhere I don't talk to her at all. To keep someone that dumped you in your life just causes misery, especially if you are watching them move on knowing damn well you still have feelings for that person.

    Women don't really need no contact because there are always men trying to get with them everywhere and always has someone to run to whether it's a friend, a gay friend, a guy in the friend zone, or another guy that wants to be with her. Women just needs someone to fill the gaps, they just don't want to admit it.

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  • It's actually rather funny, because on paper, this actually works. In theory, you play hard to get, and the guy chases you, and that makes him want you more, it makes you feel more special, it makes it rewarding.

    But in practice? It fails. It is just... Horrible. Often the guy does not know whether to proceed and try to engage with her, or to just cut his losses because he will have to be become a creep to keep trying to communicate with her, when clearly she is not interested. Or at least it appears to him she is not interested.

    Nobody wants to be "That guy". You know, the kind that doesn't give up no matter how many times the girl says no. And I am sorry but if a guy loses interest in you as soon as he gets you, then he isn't worth keeping. So don't waste your time trying to get him to stay. Invest in someone else. Guys like that only care about "the thrill of the chase". They love the pursuit of trying to get, or win a girl over. But the quickly move on when they get bored with you

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  • What a lot of CRAP!!! If you are a 'child' in a 'little childish' kind of 'relationship', maybe this works with young idiots!!
    I DON'T play games in relationships! If she just goes 'silent', OK, bye, bye!! I don't have time, or any patience for manufactured drama!!
    PLENTY of others out there, that don't play 'games' and don't want childish DRAMA!!!

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  • I can't speak for other guys, but NO, it doesn't make me want a woman more, it pisses me off and I lose interest. No real man wants a manipulative woman for anything. Not even sex.

    If a woman has a relationship with me and then decides we need some "time apart to figure things out" she is insecure and mis-judging me and our relationship entirely and is not worth my time if she breaks off all contact entirely. At least some basic communication is still in order if the relationship is longer than a few months.

    If the woman needs a "time-out" from us and then uses that time to find/f*ck other men or has already got someone lined up when we take our little break, she is a retard and a floozy and will never know what she wants and doesn't deserve a good man in her life and I wasted whatever amount of time on her that was spent.

    If a man is crawling back to you or any woman during a time-out, he isn't a real man, keep looking. A real man and a real woman affirm themselves as individuals. They don't need outside affirmation. They affirm THEMSELF and then find a suitable person that has also self-affirmed and then they compliment each others' lives.

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    • It's not due to me needing space, it's due to him not wanting to be in a relationship. I am not trying to manipulate, I just got stuck in the whole we appear a couple, but technically were not deal and I want a commitment. So far it's been easy for him to do whatever he want's because I want to be with hims so I stuck around, but he should have to commit if he wants to keep me in his like like he says. right?

    • just keep your distance, if he really wants you back in his life he'll definitely crawl back to you, otherwise he's not worth even being considered as a boyfriends or so. keep your dignity my friend. don't let him use you

  • Honestly who even has time for games, I dont really believe in the no-contact rule, if you want to contact someone then you should. If you don't in hopes of them missing you more they may just move on without you.

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  • lol... go ahead... try it. Thats a good way to shove him into another womans arms. I've heard of this dumbass move too many times to count. A girl isn't getting her way in a relationship, so she "cuts him off" as "punishment"... and the desired response is that he should come crawling back and do as she says...
    what ends up happening is he says "fuck her" and bangs her neighbor... now the girl is mad...
    You want a guy to stick around... you do something for him... sex works... lots of sex.

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  • She reason that works it's a physiological phenomena where people who act needy and respond quickly have a higher likelihood of being unstable and crazy. So you don necessarily need to make him wait. You mea to show him you are independent and fun and can carry on just fine without him. His prevents him from getting all the power and makes him have to try to get your attention but without playing any games.

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  • No. These games are anathema to me.
    I had a girlfriend once who said "Let's have no contact for 3 months and see.."

    I said Farewell and never once looked back.
    Being clingy is one thing.
    But I'm a grown man, and I will not sink to the level of playing these sort of childish, puerile games.

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  • This is a game that NONE of us do well with. It makes us want you less as time progresses because you may have found someone else or we start to realize that time without you let’s us think clearer of your character. The best way to win a guy is to be available. We won’t think clearly if we’re really into you and we will enjoy the attention you give us.

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  • No. Never. Nada. Don't even think about it.

    Most guys will just say "f*** it" and move along. nobody has time for a child that's trying to play hard to get.

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    • Okay, this is not about hard to get. I have been seing the same guy for 8 months with no commitment and he knows I want a commitment. So I try to back off and then he keeps callng and texting me like he wants me so bad then why can't he bend a little. I just wanted to give him space so he can pull his head out of his ass. He shouln't be able to have me, but be single at the same time. And yeah it's my fault I let it go on this long so now I'm stuck.

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    • I have voiced what I want and that's why I said that if he can't be with me and only me than we should stop seeing each other...but then he keeps reaching out. I'm not going to just be there only when he wants it and on his terms or he'll never take what I want seriously. Does they make more sense?

    • I have the same situation happening now and about to use no contact for 30 days bc a couple of weeks didn't work. I mean he made first contact but it wasn't affective. So maybe 30 days will work. His family likes me so I kind of have leverage. Did it work for you?

  • Hmmm, depends, in the situation I were I wanted to know in fact if she still feel something for me. I realized later she didn't, and much later that she did not respect what we had for 3 years. She liked a guy the same year we break up (last year), now this year she said she might start something serious with him. I can understand our relationship was LD, and the one she is currently in is not, and that she may feel more stronger emotions for that guy (which according to her description I conclude he is a controlling freak), but why didn't' she f*&:? tell me from then? Instead she was playing all cute, making me think she was single and we had a small chance of getting back.. I had to put her in her place and tell her to stop sending me hearts and kisses if she have a boyfriend, WTF? She didn't even had the guts to say the word "boyfriend", she only said "I have someone else". The fuck, we stayed as friends, although from a month ago I didn't write her first, she did, and I am not writing her first neither, she don't deserve any attention of me. Wile she was seen that guy she thought I was already with another girl, haaa yeah, she didn't had any trust in me, and well she got friend zone for life. A relation with a girl like that doesn't worth nothing. To much insecurities she had.

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  • No, because if you're doing it then it's part of a game which would make you an asshole.

    Honestly, think about it, what kind of backwards nonsense is that? You want to talk to me... so you're not going to talk to me at all... so that I'll talk to you more?

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  • That sounds like the dumbest thing to do? If you avoid me for long enough, I will just think that things are bad between me and the girl. And then I will break up with her, because it's nice to be first, an get things out of the way as quickly as possible if they can't get fixed anyway. I didn't know girls did this, but to me it sounds like the worst idea ever if you want to hold on to a guy.

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  • You go no contact not in order to manipulate a situation. You do this because the man is not invested so you should move on and get busy with other stuff than waiting around and beeing demanding with him for no reasons.
    No contact is not madr to make him miss you but it's a time you allow yourself out of uncertain situations or relationship status. Good luck, extra extra self care and girly time for you first :)

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  • You give them what they want... and sometimes you "take a break." Go a weekend or week without seeing them. When they message you during the week to hang... turn 'em down and say you can't because your'e doing something else. *Actually be doing something else and keep busy*! THEN when they want you again some other week, give in... and make them feel like a God. Let them miss you. :)

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  • If I've known someone for several years and don't hear from them for a month then it's no big deal. If I'm seeing a new woman and don't hear from her for a month, I've probably already deleted her phone number after a week or two... I don't pick up the phone for numbers I don't recognizes so unless she sees me face to face we'll probably never even talk again.

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  • Not me. Personally, I don't think the logic behind it works. If I'm speaking to someone who does that then I just assume that they're not interested in me. I mean, if you don't want anything to do with someone, the first thing to do is to ignore them.

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  • I have done this with men who had a waning interest in me and they contacted me within 10 days every. single. time. Without fail.

    I have since discovered it to be a beneficial and invaluable way to heal heartache with each day not contacting the heartbreaker one day closer to complete healing. Perhaps it is beneficial in several ways.

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  • It really is the best thing you can do after a break up, like a real break up. I've failed that game twice and made things 100 times worse. There is far too many emotions fallowing the first couple months of a break up to talk/be friends with the person you broke up with. I'm currently on a week of NC. I feel like texting my ex every day but I know NOTHING good can come out of it.

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  • More often than not No Contact results in both parties simply moving on. In breakups it is used as a tool to allow both people to move on freely with no baggage. So if you're using it to try to make the other person MORE interested I would have to say it will make things worse, not better.

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  • speak plainly and directly to him then. This is easily the number one killer of relationships, people (mainly women) don't communicate DIRECTLY.

    A real man says what he means and he means what he says.

    I can't imagine it is any different fo a real woman. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you tell him he needs to be all in and he says no, at least you know he isn't that into you.

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    • The problem is that we are in the same circle of friends and either way this situation is messed up. He is afraid to screw up our friendship, but either way the friendship will be tarnished. I just htink it's stupid to say "what if we break up? Then the frienship is lost" youcan't know if we would ever break up if you don't try.

  • In a month I'd have moved on felt abandoned and resolved the issue by it being over in my mind and in my heart. I wouldn't want a woman that could stay away for a month at a time and frankly of every fight took a month to get over I'd never see her. We've been fighting less and less and getting over them faster the longer we been with each other..

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  • No.

    He will likely think one of two things:

    A. This chick is sketchy as fuck

    B. This chick is a manipulative little game player

    Please note; these categories aren't mutually exclusive. Either way, it sends the guy a crystal clear message; move on and find someone worthwhile, because if that's your plan it sure as fuck isn't you...

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  • Sometimes I need a day or two if we had a serious argument but then I don't want to leave it a month. I'm old enough now to know that to get out and let out steam is better than hash it out to make a bigger fight or to say something I don't mean. But then Im a very level headed person and the only way to hurt me would generally be my family or friends.

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  • If a girl does that to me, she'll find herself single. I hate feeling like I'm being avoided, after a week and a half of no replies I'd probably assume we were done, I move on quickly.

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  • It works in some cases, read this for more info: link

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  • How do you lose someone in 30days, ? That would more than do it seems bad all around cause if there was interest before that for me it would be gone in less then 5 days pending how well knew them or not

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  • umm this is a difficult question because what if he is fed up with the relationship and takes the month of silent has a implicit "we are over" message?

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  • It will work on some guys others it won't
    There is no one way in things like this
    Some guys still have that attitude from childhood where they get bored with and ignores a toy until it gets taken away and throws a fit about their it being their favorite
    Other guys have let go of that attitude and they will be offended by this treatment

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  • I've never had no contact with a girl I didn't already like, where that space lead me to liking her. The only time no contact is beneficial is when you're trying to keep yourself in check. To avoid playing into any feelings of neediness. If you're not needy, then it really doesn't matter when you get in touch because they'll be happy to hear from you. It's all about the experience they had with you and how you made them feel.

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  • Habits work like this: cue-routine-reward. If you want to change a habit, keep cue and reward, but change the routine.

    If you feel like a guy is taking you for granted, stop rewarding him with sex for doing nothing. Next time he feels horny or misses you or whatever (cue), make him treat you to a date or whatever (routine), then reward him with sex afterwards.

    Keep doing this frequently enough, and sooner or later it may become a habit for him.

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    • You may want to build up gradually, from him doing smaller things for you, to gradually bigger things.

  • It's tough. I can't deny that we don't like the chase but at the same time, we also need to know there is a future for more. It for sure is a powerful tatic but I feel it needs to be supported by future promise

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  • Game playing never impresses me. If a girl avoids me for a week, I assume that she has lost interest and I start looking for someone else. "No contact" is the proper way to end a relationship.

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  • If your interested show interest. There's nothing worse then playing the game to try figure out if you interested or not. The month rule is only if there is a loss of interest from both parties. You give it a month because it usually takes that long for you to forget. If you want him to s te at he can't be doing all the work for you two t ok see each other. You need to plan stuff too.

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  • I do try, but it often fails. As time goes by, I can go longer and longer with no contact. No contact does work and does make them wonder what you're doing and if you care about them still. They're then more likely to contact you first.

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  • link

    True story, all of it. It details everything you would ever want to know.

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    • Interesting lol. That's a good article.

  • let me tell you my experience sir.

    back in high school yes it works but you're 30 years old now, and it gets old an we move onto older, more mature women. Who know what they want.

    in essence the girl who ignores stays a loser, when other more mature women become successful with other men.

    do you understand?

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    • I am 25 and this is not about manipulating. If anything I have been manipulated for 8 months thinking that if I stick around we will be in a real realtionship, but the commitment has not happend and that's not fair to me. I just want to know how to get out of this cycle of "we are something, but were not a couple/were a couple to all our friends, but not to anyone else so everything is fair game" situation. He is the one stuck in his frat days, holding on to every bit of his youth he can.

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    • Then why does he act like it's more? He keeps saying that he doesn't know what he wants. He kinda want s me, but kinda wants to not be tied down. So I say "fine, I will let you go" but then he says no. I't not about sex with us if that's what you assume. We are like best friends, the kind of relationship that everyone wants, so what's the problem? It's confusing and very frustrating.

    • he doesn't know if he wants to just have sex, or be in a relationship with you. He's kinda dumb in my opinion, he should just be in a relationship with you and be done with his gay games.

  • I think it just shows them you’re not worth the time and effort because you play mind games with them and won’t just tell them what you want.

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  • Odd question. Has this actually worked? I have never seen it work. If a girl pulls back and cuts contact, I just think she is not interested. Why would I try to contact someone who doesn't want to contact me?

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  • This is so stupid. Be straight up and respond. Stop playing games. Stop listening to websites saying TRY THESE METHODS TO MAKE A GUY WANT YOU MORE. If you are playing games like this I’m going to guess you’re in your early to late teens. That’s the age group where people are mainly idiots when it comes to this type of stuff. And if you are playing these games in your adulthood, then you’re plain immature and retarded.

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  • I think the only reason my girlfriend and I work out so well is cause we both contacted each other constantly.

    I say we throw all this bullshit dating "rules" to the side and go back to our grandparents time. It was okay to show interest and not seen as a bad thing like now.

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  • I think most people just appreciate honesty. Not replying or taking longer seems you aren't interested and is for high schoolers with crushes.

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  • That game works on everyone, gender makes no difference. I don't really know all the psychology there, but people hate being ignored and rather than driving them away, it makes them want to get closer. Either way, it's emotional manipulation and you should avoid it.

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  • The no contact thing does work on some guys, usually the bad boys that date numerous girls until they find the one they can't live without, but not for a lot of males. Most males like myself give up on getting to know the female that stops communication and moves on. It still hurts, but they know there is no point being in a relationship where you don't talk or see each other

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  • me? absolutely not When I like a woman romantically my ultimate goal is to marry her so for me I am certain going in. though I am the kind of guy who wants a serious authentic genuine relationship.

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  • That makes me think it's a dead on arrival relationship and I keep sailing on there's nothing more frustrating than a woman who doesn't know (or at least doesn't show) what she wants and I'll wait maybe like 2 weeks at most before I'm like well this was a waste of time then you'll never hear from me again

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  • imo it depends. In general I think most use it as a cowardly way to try and run away from a problem/conflict/tough situation. But there are times you need to have no contact to get over it, so long as there is eventually contact and problems are worked out.

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