I have been told that if things are uncertain in a relationship (however you define it) It's best for the girl to avoid communication and definitely not see the guy for at least a month in order for them to realize that they miss you. When a guy can get the girl with no voiced commitment (ie. "in a relationship", "dating", "exclusive") does he really not take it seriously because it's open? Does the no contact rule work on men? Does the no contact rule work on men?Why is it when a girl tries to distance herself and cut off the communication and contact they seem to crawl back. And if they do crawl back how do you get them to stay?
Guys, does the "no contact" rule work on men, making you want us more?
Oh sweet Jesus. I do not get game playing. I don't know. I mean if you expect a guy to miss you then you probably have a bit more time than a week or two in and at that point if someone pulled that shit on me id be moving on. I don't really think ignoring him for a month is really going to help your cause. I have seen a few replies that have said it worked and maybe it does for some people but I don't think it's a majority. Turn the tables, if a guy went dark on you for a month would you still be interested? I sure as hell wouldn't be. Some guys like to chase but that makes you uncatchable. Not many guys are going to sit around and wait on you for four weeks. The guy that MIGHT Is the one you've had a long term relationship with and then at that point, to me, it makes you unreliable. And if it were a long term relationship that went south his friends will know and if they're good friends they might drag him out to cheer him up, four weeks means four Friday nights and four Saturday nights. That's eight possible "guys nights" when he could pick up some chick to "fill the void" you've left, so how do you handle that when/if he comes crawling back? Someone mentioned something like "sometimes you need off time" true, sometimes I do, but if you need a month off from someone then you probably don't belong with them. I think the only possible way this works is if you give them time to miss you but not so much time they feel you've lost interest and they move on. A month is definitely lost interest territory to me. Depends on how often you were talking or seeing each other too, at least to me, if it was every day and suddenly nothing and no explanation for the disappearing act then a week goes by and I'm done, but that's me. Personally, I don't play games and I don't really care to be with someone that does. Depending on the age of the guy, he's probably not going to want to play those sort of games either.
Yeah those kind of games would not work on me. I can't stand game playing. The only reaction from me would be a permanent "goodbye". A few years ago a girl that I was talking to did stuff like that to me all the time. Needless to say, I threw her out real quick.
To be honest, this worked for me. But again, I didn't speak to him because I just didn't feel like he was interested enough in me NOT because I wanted something out of it. In the end- he kept in touch and asked why was it that I disappeared.
Sometimes, being too available for the man you like is not a good thing. Give him time to miss you and figure out if he wants you in his life.
I agree but don't. Do not be too clingy and contact him every hour. Also, if she doesn't want to talk for a while, like 2 weeks or more, why would I put myself through emotional torture to try to talk to her again?
I really liked this girl and I really wanted her, but I tried to avoid to seem desperate or clingy. I lost her to the reason that she wanted one who would give her more attention.
Many factors here to take into he picture probably, but I feel I lost the balance here.
One word. NOPE. You know what works like a charm tho? Getting with a douchebag that yoo knoooooow doesn't treat her as good as you did lol. THAT sh*t will get you trying to call her up real quick.
I know what you mean tho, and yeah a girl tried playing this game with me once. We were doing well for a while, then she started not wanting to hang around my friends I guess (Im ALWAYS chilling with my friends lol) so we stopped chilling as much, but still had fun. Then she started acting real weird, not answering my calls, not wanting to hang out, not even talking to me on Facebook. Pretty much cutting me off. After like 3-4 weeks of absolutely nothing, I decided to call onnne mooore tiiime just to test my theory. And lo and behold, she gave me some bullsh*t excuse again about not being able to come chill or do anything that week. So I literally wrote down her number on a piece of paper, deleted it from my phone, went to the restroom, ripped up the paper, flushed it down the toilet, and actually said "Sayonara bitch!" And that was it. Don't push guys, there's only so much bullsh*t we can take (unless we're I love of course).
But when a girl is still single and just doesn't want to talk to you, well, for me I just figured she was an ungrateful a**hole. Real talk haha. But in all seriousness, then you realize eventually that you were just never meant to be and that when it REALLLY ends, because youve now cut them off emotionally. You literally feel nothing for them anymore.
It's a very complicated issue that applies differently to every situation. I had this kind of situation with my ex where I looked for her and she was mute, I couldn't expect anything with her. Now we are working the situation up and she told me "I didn't answer because I didn't want to know anything about you at the time." We had a very difficult period at the time that makes that acceptable. I don't think all women apply the "no contact" thing for the same reason and expect a similar result. It's difficult to tell if it's because there's something "hidden" in the situation that needs time to become acceptable (in different depths and time frames) or it's just a "I don't care about you anymore" kind of silence. Either way, the healthy thing to do is moving on. There's no point to be there and if things can be worked out, they certainly can.
I can't speak for other guys, but NO, it doesn't make me want a woman more, it pisses me off and I lose interest. No real man wants a manipulative woman for anything. Not even sex.
If a woman has a relationship with me and then decides we need some "time apart to figure things out" she is insecure and mis-judging me and our relationship entirely and is not worth my time if she breaks off all contact entirely. At least some basic communication is still in order if the relationship is longer than a few months.
If the woman needs a "time-out" from us and then uses that time to find/f*ck other men or has already got someone lined up when we take our little break, she is a retard and a floozy and will never know what she wants and doesn't deserve a good man in her life and I wasted whatever amount of time on her that was spent.
If a man is crawling back to you or any woman during a time-out, he isn't a real man, keep looking. A real man and a real woman affirm themselves as individuals. They don't need outside affirmation. They affirm THEMSELF and then find a suitable person that has also self-affirmed and then they compliment each others' lives.
It's not due to me needing space, it's due to him not wanting to be in a relationship. I am not trying to manipulate, I just got stuck in the whole we appear a couple, but technically were not deal and I want a commitment. So far it's been easy for him to do whatever he want's because I want to be with hims so I stuck around, but he should have to commit if he wants to keep me in his like like he says. right?
just keep your distance, if he really wants you back in his life he'll definitely crawl back to you, otherwise he's not worth even being considered as a boyfriends or so. keep your dignity my friend. don't let him use you
Another situation where underneath all that lies woman's "figure out (what you did wrong)" approach. In any case, cutting off contact is like a neon over head stating "I'm immature as hell". Either you talk about the issue (s) or just break up if the line has been crossed. Period. In my whole life I've been with only one woman who did that kind of thing and it just so happens that she was 6 years younger. In the end it turned out that her "standard procedure" was to flee when issues arise, which reminds me of school kids that skip classes "because exam". Maybe it'll work when we're talking about teens, when boys don't know the rules of the game and girls still don't have a clue how relationships should work. But the older people get, especially men, the more we are fed up with this kid-resembling princess-like behavior. If a woman is not sure if she wants to be with some man, then she shouldn't waste his time hoping it'll get better just because time passed while she wasn't there. How stupid is that?
When a woman broke up with me I just move on and never talk to her again. No contact is the best way, especially for men. For what I have seen and experienced, a woman moves on before she breaks up with a man. It shouldn't be used to get an ex back because it doesn't work. No contact is to concentrate on YOU and move on.
It;s not an excuse. Why would you even want to deal with someone that hurt you and/or broke your heart? More men should use no contact, but they don't. Many men think that if they are close to her or remain her "friend" then she will eventually "come around". I've seen women talk to those guys about their problems with other men and say crap like, "Why can't I find a good man?", and that's comedy.
I am NEVER "friends" with an ex because there's no point. It's a conflict on interest and that is a waste of time. If I see a ex anywhere I don't talk to her at all. To keep someone that dumped you in your life just causes misery, especially if you are watching them move on knowing damn well you still have feelings for that person.
Women don't really need no contact because there are always men trying to get with them everywhere and always has someone to run to whether it's a friend, a gay friend, a guy in the friend zone, or another guy that wants to be with her. Women just needs someone to fill the gaps, they just don't want to admit it.
It's actually rather funny, because on paper, this actually works. In theory, you play hard to get, and the guy chases you, and that makes him want you more, it makes you feel more special, it makes it rewarding.
But in practice? It fails. It is just... Horrible. Often the guy does not know whether to proceed and try to engage with her, or to just cut his losses because he will have to be become a creep to keep trying to communicate with her, when clearly she is not interested. Or at least it appears to him she is not interested.
Nobody wants to be "That guy". You know, the kind that doesn't give up no matter how many times the girl says no. And I am sorry but if a guy loses interest in you as soon as he gets you, then he isn't worth keeping. So don't waste your time trying to get him to stay. Invest in someone else. Guys like that only care about "the thrill of the chase". They love the pursuit of trying to get, or win a girl over. But the quickly move on when they get bored with you
Hmmm, depends, in the situation I were I wanted to know in fact if she still feel something for me. I realized later she didn't, and much later that she did not respect what we had for 3 years. She liked a guy the same year we break up (last year), now this year she said she might start something serious with him. I can understand our relationship was LD, and the one she is currently in is not, and that she may feel more stronger emotions for that guy (which according to her description I conclude he is a controlling freak), but why didn't' she f*&:? tell me from then? Instead she was playing all cute, making me think she was single and we had a small chance of getting back.. I had to put her in her place and tell her to stop sending me hearts and kisses if she have a boyfriend, WTF? She didn't even had the guts to say the word "boyfriend", she only said "I have someone else". The fuck, we stayed as friends, although from a month ago I didn't write her first, she did, and I am not writing her first neither, she don't deserve any attention of me. Wile she was seen that guy she thought I was already with another girl, haaa yeah, she didn't had any trust in me, and well she got friend zone for life. A relation with a girl like that doesn't worth nothing. To much insecurities she had.
It would make me think she is not interested, and though I am a big bastard, I'm not enough big bastard to become a stalker.
If there's so much uncertainty and ridiculous behavior so early - how could I expect her to express her thoughts with clarity and being open in the future?
If anything this kind of approach dooms the potential relationship to failure.
The only kind of guys this may work against I could think of are either:
very insecure and needy
or
with inflated self-esteem - aka "PUA artist" or "the challenge taker/player"
It does not... It tends to hurt our feelings... I am trying to explain that to my current girlfriend, and she is 2 years older than my 33 year olf ass... LOL
Like Konnour said, It would make me think you don't want me anymore...
I already have "moving on issues"... I haven't dated since my last break-up in 2004... I started dating my current Girlfriend on September 19 2011!
I am trying to tell her now that she should express herself to me... I know she has cancer, but that is no reason to shut me out of her life... Or even ignore/no-contact me...
But I feel like he has it easy because he get to have me with no commitment. Shouldn't I at least show him what life is like without me? Because we know that once you get comfortable the chances of him commiting anytime soon are slim to none. It's not fair that I give and give and get nothing. He has issues opening up too. He keeps saying that we should talk, but then we never do...about this anyways.
I agree that revenge is a dish best served cold... but doing the same as him is petty and childish... The best thing to do is just say, "If you tell me one thing and do another, I want to leave. Lying is intolerable." YOU should just take control of the situation if he is ignoring you... Don't stalk him, no one likes that... Just tell him that he does not really care if he behaves the way he is...
I'm not rying to play a game or be cold. I just think that I should be so quick to hang out with him on his terms all the time. If he can't bend a little, then why should I? He knows my feelings for him and he knows that it hurts me and feels really bad, but if he feels so bad that he isn't emotionally ready to give what I want then I feel I should cool it with him...maybe he would see how much I impacted his life and realize that love is about jumping head first, not lingering on the edge.
He is not going to see that... He is going to think you are playing games and withdraw even more. Moreover, you need to give him an ultimatum... "Either be with me or not..." If he does not, move on... I know you care for him, but if you decide to go about it by turnabout, you are facing an uphill battle. Men don't like being made jealous, no matter what other girls say, and men don't like games... Maybe little boys like games, but not men.
Sometimes it's due to him being lonely but if a guy doesn't want a relationship, that usually means no relationship with YOU.
I've hung around girls I liked to bone with but when/if the relationship question comes up, I just avoid it or I stop dating... however, when a girl comes a long and I really like her... I will make the moves necessary to get in a relationship.
"And if they do crawl back how do you get them to stay?"
Just don't, they don't know what they want or they are with you out of lack of choices. Either way, I wouldn't want to be with someone who is indecisive about me.
ok, so what if I told you this has been going on for almost 8 months and the L word has been spoken and we hang out 3-4 times a week with no "boning"? He claims he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want anyone to anser to and he doesn't want to mess things up with me because we are so close that if he screwed up it would devistate him to lose me out of his life. What say you now? I just want him to know that I'm not one to lost and him not commiting is eventually going to lose me.
Well, it's good that he's honest with you but I would still do that same. You are ready for a relationship if not with him... than with someone. He doesn't want to lose you yet it's not fair to make you wait around and "see" if he'll choose you or at least commit.
"He claims he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want anyone to answer to"
To me this means "i like talking to you and hanging out but I for some reason, I don't see myself with you but I don't want to feel lonely."
This story is so identical to mine. People don't understand bc his behavior makes no since. I met his family but he hasn't met mine. He says he's afraid of letting me down. At the beginning he said he doesn't want to ever lose me no matter what.
Very situational. I’m doing the No Contact rule for my ex and I, because he’s been leaving me on read a lot of Snapchat.. and ultimately, he asked for space. He’s going through some things... Which is what I’ve been doing for him. I haven’t called or messaged him first, I did a couple of times before I thought about the rule. My recent ex and I have different circumstances for our break up, so it wasn’t bloody or bad.. we were both adults about it.. we still care about each other and want each other in our lives.. we’re just facing some issues that triggered the break up..
It really depends on the guy and the level of relationship. I'll tell you that if I get a hint that a girl is trying to play games, and not talk to me... I won't bother with her after a few weeks. Of course, that's if I have an interest in the girl, but we haven't dated yet.
I usually will just assume that in any case, I don't want to date someone who won't put in the time. Whether its game playing or they're really not interested, or just trying to manipulate me into calling, I may not always know, but it's the same result... after a few weeks of trying to call or text once a week, and being pretty much ignored, I'm calling it quits. I want someone who's available, and I don't play immature games with girls, I'm looking for a woman who will not play games with me.
It may work when used rarely or when used with restraint. But what you're describing only works on guys. It's tolerable if a girl is upset and she avoids you for a hour or at the most a day, If the bond/attraction in the relationship is strong. But if the time goes on longer than that then I'm certain I'd cut ties with her. I'm sure she knows there are other women on this earth. And if she's self centered enough to issue a "no contact" then I'd have to wonder is she's even serious about the relationship, if she isn't willing to sit down and talk about the potential problem then logically speaking, I'd have to assume she doesn't care as much as I do. And at that point if I even think she's trying to make me crawl back to her, I'd be sick with the total disrespect I'd feel. I'd just end the relationship there, I wouldn't even tell her.
For me personally I don't think it'd ever work on any man remotely like me. What I mean to say is, I don't think it'd work on a real man
I can relate myself to here. very similar things with excuse of focusing on work and just hanging out with you this moment.
no contact rule would work and we did end up being in a relationship officially. However, it last only about 3 weeks then now things went back as the same as early this Feb.
I can't see where we are going as we have kind of agreement that we will tell each other if any of us fall to some one else. This is so unstable and sounds like we are going to fall apart eventually just the matter of time. After all, I am not his girl friend and this makes a most powerful reason once he meets someone and feels that they're amazing comparing what was going on with me.
When we first meet. In an attempt to play hard to get. Some men will chase and some won’t. If we were in an open or exclusive relationship already. I might wonder what happened to you. But probably take it as a silent goodbye. It is uncommon for guys to play those types of games. Therefor we don’t immediately think that’s what’s happening. We are simple and believe things should be that way. If something is on your mind, say it. If I don’t listen after multiple attempts. Find somebody that will. Obviously, not every guy is the same. Do is a favor and try to dumb it down a little so we can understand. 🤕
You go no contact not in order to manipulate a situation. You do this because the man is not invested so you should move on and get busy with other stuff than waiting around and beeing demanding with him for no reasons. No contact is not madr to make him miss you but it's a time you allow yourself out of uncertain situations or relationship status. Good luck, extra extra self care and girly time for you first :)
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
No contact is your best shot, but in reality, it only really works in situations where your ex wasn't actually over you, and the fact of the matter is that when most people break up, they're already over you and ready to move on.
Most people don't break off a stable relationship on a whim. They spend months, sometimes years, trying to figure out what to do, or trying to find the right way/time to break things off. The final push that often actually moves the breakup along is another romantic interest.
This is why breakees are often hurt and confused as to how the breaker was able to move on so quickly. They don't realize that the breaker has already taken all the time they needed to come to terms with the relationship ending.
So, for breakups that happen reflexively, from hurt or anger, no contact has a decent chance to work. For everything else, the chances are very slim.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Don't fall any rules and do what you feel works for you.But if we are being honest this kid does not seem to want anything serious or more by the sounds of it.Yeah he cares and loves you in his own way but doe not mean he wants to be tied down.If he wanted you two togeather he would of made it happen along time ago which he has chosen no to do from the sounds of it.I would not be beating myself up for him and give him all the space he needs. You could really be waiting forever with him and that's not something you should be waiting around for either.
lol... go ahead... try it. Thats a good way to shove him into another womans arms. I've heard of this dumbass move too many times to count. A girl isn't getting her way in a relationship, so she "cuts him off" as "punishment"... and the desired response is that he should come crawling back and do as she says... what ends up happening is he says "fuck her" and bangs her neighbor... now the girl is mad... You want a guy to stick around... you do something for him... sex works... lots of sex.
What a lot of CRAP!!! If you are a 'child' in a 'little childish' kind of 'relationship', maybe this works with young idiots!! I DON'T play games in relationships! If she just goes 'silent', OK, bye, bye!! I don't have time, or any patience for manufactured drama!! PLENTY of others out there, that don't play 'games' and don't want childish DRAMA!!!
i can't give you any success stories, but I'm currently doing NC and its been a long 15 days! I guess there's no guarantee as to whether he'll come back or not, as that is simply down to him. some guys will miss their ex's and want to get back into contact and into a relationship, but others wont! but for the time being, NC is about doing things you want to do :) find happiness within yourself again.
i would say NC is the way forward. if you really want him back, then texting him regularly won't give him a chance to miss you. I know it's a risk, but sometimes you just got to take it.
good luck mlove! <3
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Anonymous Asker
thank you!(:
i guess I will go for it .. but I think I will hate it ughhh..
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