i can't give you any success stories, but I'm currently doing NC and its been a long 15 days! I guess there's no guarantee as to whether he'll come back or not, as that is simply down to him. some guys will miss their ex's and want to get back into contact and into a relationship, but others wont! but for the time being, NC is about doing things you want to do :) find happiness within yourself again.
i would say NC is the way forward. if you really want him back, then texting him regularly won't give him a chance to miss you. I know it's a risk, but sometimes you just got to take it.
good luck mlove! <3
2
1 Reply
Anonymous Asker
thank you!(:
i guess I will go for it .. but I think I will hate it ughhh..
speak plainly and directly to him then. This is easily the number one killer of relationships, people (mainly women) don't communicate DIRECTLY.
A real man says what he means and he means what he says.
I can't imagine it is any different fo a real woman. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you tell him he needs to be all in and he says no, at least you know he isn't that into you.
The problem is that we are in the same circle of friends and either way this situation is messed up. He is afraid to screw up our friendship, but either way the friendship will be tarnished. I just htink it's stupid to say "what if we break up? Then the frienship is lost" youcan't know if we would ever break up if you don't try.
I am 25 and this is not about manipulating. If anything I have been manipulated for 8 months thinking that if I stick around we will be in a real realtionship, but the commitment has not happend and that's not fair to me. I just want to know how to get out of this cycle of "we are something, but were not a couple/were a couple to all our friends, but not to anyone else so everything is fair game" situation. He is the one stuck in his frat days, holding on to every bit of his youth he can.
Then why does he act like it's more? He keeps saying that he doesn't know what he wants. He kinda want s me, but kinda wants to not be tied down. So I say "fine, I will let you go" but then he says no. I't not about sex with us if that's what you assume. We are like best friends, the kind of relationship that everyone wants, so what's the problem? It's confusing and very frustrating.
he doesn't know if he wants to just have sex, or be in a relationship with you. He's kinda dumb in my opinion, he should just be in a relationship with you and be done with his gay games.
She reason that works it's a physiological phenomena where people who act needy and respond quickly have a higher likelihood of being unstable and crazy. So you don necessarily need to make him wait. You mea to show him you are independent and fun and can carry on just fine without him. His prevents him from getting all the power and makes him have to try to get your attention but without playing any games.
Sometimes I need a day or two if we had a serious argument but then I don't want to leave it a month. I'm old enough now to know that to get out and let out steam is better than hash it out to make a bigger fight or to say something I don't mean. But then Im a very level headed person and the only way to hurt me would generally be my family or friends.
You give them what they want... and sometimes you "take a break." Go a weekend or week without seeing them. When they message you during the week to hang... turn 'em down and say you can't because your'e doing something else. *Actually be doing something else and keep busy*! THEN when they want you again some other week, give in... and make them feel like a God. Let them miss you. :)
If I've known someone for several years and don't hear from them for a month then it's no big deal. If I'm seeing a new woman and don't hear from her for a month, I've probably already deleted her phone number after a week or two... I don't pick up the phone for numbers I don't recognizes so unless she sees me face to face we'll probably never even talk again.
No. These games are anathema to me. I had a girlfriend once who said "Let's have no contact for 3 months and see.."
I said Farewell and never once looked back. Being clingy is one thing. But I'm a grown man, and I will not sink to the level of playing these sort of childish, puerile games.
This is a game that NONE of us do well with. It makes us want you less as time progresses because you may have found someone else or we start to realize that time without you let’s us think clearer of your character. The best way to win a guy is to be available. We won’t think clearly if we’re really into you and we will enjoy the attention you give us.
Not me. Personally, I don't think the logic behind it works. If I'm speaking to someone who does that then I just assume that they're not interested in me. I mean, if you don't want anything to do with someone, the first thing to do is to ignore them.
No. That's just ridiculous. That's called playing games and makes men cold. If things are uncertain you sit down and talk about it and come to a decision as a team. Unless you were unlucky and picked a boy was your choice of potential life partner. You don't shut half of the team out and see if it works out in the end by waiting for them to "crawl back". Thats what causes people to quit showing love and just find someone who cares enough about the relationship to talk to them when they need to. Shit like this makes an asshole and nothing more. Excuse the language... but that's how I see it.
If your interested show interest. There's nothing worse then playing the game to try figure out if you interested or not. The month rule is only if there is a loss of interest from both parties. You give it a month because it usually takes that long for you to forget. If you want him to s te at he can't be doing all the work for you two t ok see each other. You need to plan stuff too.
I have done this with men who had a waning interest in me and they contacted me within 10 days every. single. time. Without fail.
I have since discovered it to be a beneficial and invaluable way to heal heartache with each day not contacting the heartbreaker one day closer to complete healing. Perhaps it is beneficial in several ways.
imo it depends. In general I think most use it as a cowardly way to try and run away from a problem/conflict/tough situation. But there are times you need to have no contact to get over it, so long as there is eventually contact and problems are worked out.
It really is the best thing you can do after a break up, like a real break up. I've failed that game twice and made things 100 times worse. There is far too many emotions fallowing the first couple months of a break up to talk/be friends with the person you broke up with. I'm currently on a week of NC. I feel like texting my ex every day but I know NOTHING good can come out of it.
More often than not No Contact results in both parties simply moving on. In breakups it is used as a tool to allow both people to move on freely with no baggage. So if you're using it to try to make the other person MORE interested I would have to say it will make things worse, not better.
B. This chick is a manipulative little game player
Please note; these categories aren't mutually exclusive. Either way, it sends the guy a crystal clear message; move on and find someone worthwhile, because if that's your plan it sure as fuck isn't you...
I've never had no contact with a girl I didn't already like, where that space lead me to liking her. The only time no contact is beneficial is when you're trying to keep yourself in check. To avoid playing into any feelings of neediness. If you're not needy, then it really doesn't matter when you get in touch because they'll be happy to hear from you. It's all about the experience they had with you and how you made them feel.
No, because if you're doing it then it's part of a game which would make you an asshole.
Honestly, think about it, what kind of backwards nonsense is that? You want to talk to me... so you're not going to talk to me at all... so that I'll talk to you more?
That sounds like the dumbest thing to do? If you avoid me for long enough, I will just think that things are bad between me and the girl. And then I will break up with her, because it's nice to be first, an get things out of the way as quickly as possible if they can't get fixed anyway. I didn't know girls did this, but to me it sounds like the worst idea ever if you want to hold on to a guy.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
152Opinion
i can't give you any success stories, but I'm currently doing NC and its been a long 15 days! I guess there's no guarantee as to whether he'll come back or not, as that is simply down to him. some guys will miss their ex's and want to get back into contact and into a relationship, but others wont! but for the time being, NC is about doing things you want to do :) find happiness within yourself again.
i would say NC is the way forward. if you really want him back, then texting him regularly won't give him a chance to miss you. I know it's a risk, but sometimes you just got to take it.
good luck mlove! <3
thank you!(:
i guess I will go for it .. but I think I will hate it ughhh..
speak plainly and directly to him then. This is easily the number one killer of relationships, people (mainly women) don't communicate DIRECTLY.
A real man says what he means and he means what he says.
I can't imagine it is any different fo a real woman. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you tell him he needs to be all in and he says no, at least you know he isn't that into you.
The problem is that we are in the same circle of friends and either way this situation is messed up. He is afraid to screw up our friendship, but either way the friendship will be tarnished. I just htink it's stupid to say "what if we break up? Then the frienship is lost" youcan't know if we would ever break up if you don't try.
let me tell you my experience sir.
back in high school yes it works but you're 30 years old now, and it gets old an we move onto older, more mature women. Who know what they want.
in essence the girl who ignores stays a loser, when other more mature women become successful with other men.
do you understand?
I am 25 and this is not about manipulating. If anything I have been manipulated for 8 months thinking that if I stick around we will be in a real realtionship, but the commitment has not happend and that's not fair to me. I just want to know how to get out of this cycle of "we are something, but were not a couple/were a couple to all our friends, but not to anyone else so everything is fair game" situation. He is the one stuck in his frat days, holding on to every bit of his youth he can.
He's not interested in more. Move on.
oh I never thought of it that way interesting :)
Then why does he act like it's more? He keeps saying that he doesn't know what he wants. He kinda want s me, but kinda wants to not be tied down. So I say "fine, I will let you go" but then he says no. I't not about sex with us if that's what you assume. We are like best friends, the kind of relationship that everyone wants, so what's the problem? It's confusing and very frustrating.
he doesn't know if he wants to just have sex, or be in a relationship with you. He's kinda dumb in my opinion, he should just be in a relationship with you and be done with his gay games.
She reason that works it's a physiological phenomena where people who act needy and respond quickly have a higher likelihood of being unstable and crazy. So you don necessarily need to make him wait. You mea to show him you are independent and fun and can carry on just fine without him. His prevents him from getting all the power and makes him have to try to get your attention but without playing any games.
Sometimes I need a day or two if we had a serious argument but then I don't want to leave it a month. I'm old enough now to know that to get out and let out steam is better than hash it out to make a bigger fight or to say something I don't mean. But then Im a very level headed person and the only way to hurt me would generally be my family or friends.
You give them what they want... and sometimes you "take a break." Go a weekend or week without seeing them. When they message you during the week to hang... turn 'em down and say you can't because your'e doing something else. *Actually be doing something else and keep busy*! THEN when they want you again some other week, give in... and make them feel like a God. Let them miss you. :)
If I've known someone for several years and don't hear from them for a month then it's no big deal. If I'm seeing a new woman and don't hear from her for a month, I've probably already deleted her phone number after a week or two... I don't pick up the phone for numbers I don't recognizes so unless she sees me face to face we'll probably never even talk again.
No. These games are anathema to me.
I had a girlfriend once who said "Let's have no contact for 3 months and see.."
I said Farewell and never once looked back.
Being clingy is one thing.
But I'm a grown man, and I will not sink to the level of playing these sort of childish, puerile games.
This is a game that NONE of us do well with. It makes us want you less as time progresses because you may have found someone else or we start to realize that time without you let’s us think clearer of your character. The best way to win a guy is to be available. We won’t think clearly if we’re really into you and we will enjoy the attention you give us.
Not me. Personally, I don't think the logic behind it works. If I'm speaking to someone who does that then I just assume that they're not interested in me. I mean, if you don't want anything to do with someone, the first thing to do is to ignore them.
No. That's just ridiculous. That's called playing games and makes men cold. If things are uncertain you sit down and talk about it and come to a decision as a team. Unless you were unlucky and picked a boy was your choice of potential life partner. You don't shut half of the team out and see if it works out in the end by waiting for them to "crawl back". Thats what causes people to quit showing love and just find someone who cares enough about the relationship to talk to them when they need to. Shit like this makes an asshole and nothing more. Excuse the language... but that's how I see it.
If your interested show interest. There's nothing worse then playing the game to try figure out if you interested or not. The month rule is only if there is a loss of interest from both parties. You give it a month because it usually takes that long for you to forget. If you want him to s te at he can't be doing all the work for you two t ok see each other. You need to plan stuff too.
I have done this with men who had a waning interest in me and they contacted me within 10 days every. single. time. Without fail.
I have since discovered it to be a beneficial and invaluable way to heal heartache with each day not contacting the heartbreaker one day closer to complete healing. Perhaps it is beneficial in several ways.
imo it depends. In general I think most use it as a cowardly way to try and run away from a problem/conflict/tough situation. But there are times you need to have no contact to get over it, so long as there is eventually contact and problems are worked out.
It really is the best thing you can do after a break up, like a real break up. I've failed that game twice and made things 100 times worse. There is far too many emotions fallowing the first couple months of a break up to talk/be friends with the person you broke up with. I'm currently on a week of NC. I feel like texting my ex every day but I know NOTHING good can come out of it.
More often than not No Contact results in both parties simply moving on. In breakups it is used as a tool to allow both people to move on freely with no baggage. So if you're using it to try to make the other person MORE interested I would have to say it will make things worse, not better.
No.
He will likely think one of two things:
A. This chick is sketchy as fuck
B. This chick is a manipulative little game player
Please note; these categories aren't mutually exclusive. Either way, it sends the guy a crystal clear message; move on and find someone worthwhile, because if that's your plan it sure as fuck isn't you...
I've never had no contact with a girl I didn't already like, where that space lead me to liking her. The only time no contact is beneficial is when you're trying to keep yourself in check. To avoid playing into any feelings of neediness. If you're not needy, then it really doesn't matter when you get in touch because they'll be happy to hear from you. It's all about the experience they had with you and how you made them feel.
No, because if you're doing it then it's part of a game which would make you an asshole.
Honestly, think about it, what kind of backwards nonsense is that? You want to talk to me... so you're not going to talk to me at all... so that I'll talk to you more?
That sounds like the dumbest thing to do? If you avoid me for long enough, I will just think that things are bad between me and the girl. And then I will break up with her, because it's nice to be first, an get things out of the way as quickly as possible if they can't get fixed anyway. I didn't know girls did this, but to me it sounds like the worst idea ever if you want to hold on to a guy.