Why The No Contact Rule Won't Get Your Ex Back

Why The No Contact Rule Won't Get Your Ex Back

Having seen numerous G@G questions involving The No Contact Rule, I decided to write my first MyTake so I or you, if you agree with me, can reference it when answering such G@G questions.

In my decades of experience, I am confident in asserting that The No Contact Rule will fail almost 100% of the time. The longer "no contact" is in place by either side, the less probable a failed relationship will recover.

I want to explain why The No Contact Rule fails by giving an example...

Fast food chains such as McDonald's and Burger King want you to buy their fast food so they advertise.

One day, some Marketing executive at McDonald's has an idea. Being a firm believer in The No Contact Rule, she decides to reduce the marketing budget and drive up sales by using The No Contact Rule.

Her thinking is this: If McDonald's doesn't advertise, then people will miss McDonald's, wonder what happened, and then want to come back to McDonald's to find out, and then stay and buy more food.

However, the reality is that Burger King hasn't stopped advertising - they are not doing no contact and they are keeping in contact with the fast food customer base. So, while McDonald's keeps up The No Contact Rule and doesn't advertise, Burger King is getting improved sales because, without McDonald's advertising, those people wanting their fast food weren't thinking of McDonald's, but, seeing Burger King advertisements, they were motivated to instead go to Burger King.

After a month of McDonald's losing millions in sales, this McDonald's Marketing executive is fired and her story becomes required learning in business schools across America.

Why The No Contact Rule Won't Get Your Ex Back

It's the same with relationships. While you are having no contact, the other person is having plenty of contact with your replacement and is very quickly learning that 1) they can survive without you and 2) you really weren't all that special.

This is especially so for young heterosexual men who are constantly horny. On evolutionary grounds, they are hard-wired to constantly be on the prowl for available sexual partners. So, if a young heterosexual man is no longer getting his emotional and physical needs met by his last woman who initiated using The No Contact Rule, then he will begin to look elsewhere for the next available woman to fulfill those needs. Even if he is monogamous and totally in "true love", now that he is single again, a part deep-down inside of him recognizes the opportunity that this new freedom presents to "legally" be with another woman. He may not actively seek a different woman, but when another woman approaches him that he finds attractive, then he is very likely to get into a rebound relationship with her.

Put in sports terms, the failed relationship is like a fumbled football and The No Contact Rule is equivalent of doing nothing and letting the other team pick up the ball and run it in for a touchdown.

The No Contact Rule For Getting Over Your Ex

As for employing the No Contact Rule for getting over your ex, I believe that its efficacy may depend on who did the dumping. I strongly suspect though that it works - especially for the Dumper, but will take longer for the Dumpee.

I will let others comment on that because I have not thought this out much, but have some deeply personal experience in this area that I do not wish to discuss at this time.

Why The No Contact Rule Won't Get Your Ex Back

Final Comments

I hope you have learned something and have not and will not ruin any of your relationships using the poorly thought-out tactic of using The No Contact Rule to get your ex back because this tactic fails to recognize true human nature.

I welcome comments to a point. If you want some personal advice, I will consider answering a PM.

If you wish to comment on this MyTake though, you may not do so anonymously. I have never done anything anonymously at G@G and, if you comment, then you should be mature enough and responsible enough by "putting your money where your mouth is" by identifying yourself.

Good luck!


Most Helpful Girls

  • 1d

    I'm going through this today. I've been trying to decide to no contact or not. I've been on you tube but the testimonials say it is very effective. Now i really don't know what to do after reading this article because you make sense too.

    • 19h

      Each of our lives is its own unique path. I could be wrong in your case. But do what your heart tells you to do because, if you fail then, that is an OK form of regret. The regret you feel when you fail and didn't follow your heart is worse.

    • 17h

      Thank you!

  • Well I was trying the no contact rule because I thought it might make him miss me but now I'm scared to go through with it. The longest I've gone without texting back is one day and he seemed to kinda get his feelings hurt a bit that day by saying " I guess I'm invisible now" so I responded. I just don't know what to do. I can't handle the small talk with " how are you" what are you up to" " how did you sleep" and then I just like and say I'm good and I slept good and try to make up something I did all day. There's no deep connection or significance to our conversations, so it drives me crazy. Anyway any advice would be appreciated. Also he told he needed to figure himself out so I gave him space then he text me the next morning and I didn't respond till the night cause he said " I guess you don't to talk to me anymore" so then I responded but each time I do respond, then he doesn't really respond back that much so then I regret it. I need some advice

    • Copy what you just wrote and make that a general G@G question so everyone will see it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • "no contact" is a term usually used in conjunction with abuse. SO when somebody goes "NC" or "No Contact" it's usually about self preservation, healing... not a passive aggressive GAME to get them back lol.

    Games are immature.

    That said-NC DOES actually work. Anytime I actually move on, and quit contacting them-they DO show up and want me back. I went NC with my exwife for about 8 months... and I've had several invitations for sex since we began communicating again... she broke up with me 1000+ times (no exaggeration) and wanted me back every time... today is no different. NC works for sure if you mean it and offer something/s special.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I’ve never understood no contact as a way to get an ex back. Like you’re basically telling them you’re not interested so what do you want them to do?
    As a woman I guess if that happened it would be flattering the first or second time but then it would also creep me out a little I think. I mean I’ve basically told you to eff off by not talking to you so why do you keep pushing it. Get a clue.
    No contact as a way to control your situation, as in to get over an ex, not to play games, absolutely makes sense to me and I believe works. You’re not wasting time thinking about “are they going to talk to me today?” “What should I say if they do?” “Did I say the wrong thing last time?” And so on.
    If you’ve blocked them or just decided to ignore them then there’s no more wondering, no guess work and you can move on faster and not waste all your damn time wondering about a dead relationship.
    Thanks for the take. 👍🏻


What Guys Said 1

  • Communication is key in working out in relationships. However No Contact is sometimes needed when one party needs space and time to sort out issues. Break ups aren't always the end all. My parents broke up for a year. It took a year to heal their problems and get back together. Thank goodness they did!


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