My Boyfriend Likes Tough Girls, but Says For Me Not to be a Tomboy

[Nena91]

My boyfriend is a very outdoorsy guy. He's a ranger in the Army, loves fishing and hunting and being outdoors in general. He says he wants to share these things with me. He often makes remarks about how girls who shoot, drive trucks, & are "badass", etc are hot. This hurts my feelings some because I am pretty feminine. I like to dress up and do my hair, etc. I like being outdoors, but more for things like walks or picnics. I want to try to do some of the things he likes to bond with him and to prove I'm not too prissy to get a little dirty. But when I told him that I think I can be a Tomboy he said for me not to be one. He also often says he loves how I'm such a girl. But then he makes all these comments on how tough girls are sexy. I even went to the range this weekend and shot with him. It was my first time and I got a pretty nasty mark on my forehead from getting hit with a scope when a rifle kicked. I still kept shooting, just because I wanted to prove I wasn't a sissy, but I did a pretty poor job. He kept teasing, saying my ancestors would be so disappointed ( because I'm a a Hatfield from the Hatfield and McCoy feud.) Then when we got home we were watching t.v. and a lady who had a range was on, and he started on how that was hot and girls who shoot are sexy, etc. That hurt my feelings because I had just proved how awful I am at shooting.I am confused: what does he want? He tells me how he loves my girliness, told me not to be a tomboy, yet talks about how sexy tough girls are. Then when I make an effort to even be a little outdoorsy he makes fun of me. Not just with shooting, By the way. What do you guys think he wants? How do I let him know he hurts my feelings by saying tough girls are sexy but acting like I can't be a tough girl?

[heavensgift2girls]

Sounds to me like he just enjoys teasing you. If you were a tomboy, then he would joke about how you didn't know how to put on a dress, or something like that. It may be his attempt at flirting, or maybe he wants to hurt your self esteem so you won't leave him. Either way, you don't need to change who you are.

Tomboys can be hot. Girly girls can be hot. Men are capable of finding a wide variety of women hot, that have nothing in common with each other. Just because we find a different type of girl hot, doesn't men we don't find your type hot.

It is hard to tell if he doesn't realize, how much he hurts you, or if he is purposely hurting your feelings so that you won't leave him. Either way, he wants you to continue being who you are, and not becoming someone else.

[WizeGuy2350]

Actually, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You have already shown him that you're open to doing things he likes, such as going to the range. That's what matters to him more than anything. (And if it makes you feel any better, my first trip to the range was a total disaster.)

Talking about how sexy other women are is a mistake; he shouldn't be doing that, so you have every right to tell him that such behavior is not cool. However, you ultimately need to keep in mind that he's choosing to be with YOU. What he says matters far less than what he does, and what he's doing is staying with you. Regardless of what he SAYS, he's staying with you because of the character qualities you already have, femininity and all.

[Anonymous]

Guys appreciate a girl who will 'get dirty' in the woods, fishing, hiking, shooting, camping, whatever . . . but they don't want you linked up arm to arm with them, dressed in camo. While he may think those girls are cool, guys really crave women to be feminine. So go ahead and get dirty with him, then at night when he takes you out on the town, look like you've never left the city before, be feminine, be dressed up. That'll really get em, hook line and sinker ;)

[barfi]

Their is a difference between a tomboy and and being tough!

When he says he likes tough girls that mean he doesn't like a girl who is afraid to get a little dirt on her hands or dress. Someone who doesn't cry all the time over little thing. He likes the way you look but he wants you to be tough by attitude, if you know what I mean.

[mrfeelgood]

OK, you're getting the wrong idea about "tough girl". Tough girl doesn't mean tomboy. It means lucy liu with a f*cking samurai sword. It means pushing him up against a wall and having your way with him and saying he better like it. He doesn't want to date a man. He wants to date a f***ing firecracker. Stop trying to be "good enough" for him by doing the things he likes to do. That's exactly why he's teasing you. TEASE HIM THE F*** BACK. Buy a hot cocktail dress and some heels, handcuff him to the bed and make him your bitch. Don't let him know you're planning on surprising the f*** out of him with your new bad girl attitude. Just f***ing do it. And don't hesitate... He can smell weakness. ;)

[born2bwild]

he is just teasing you because of your ancestral background. girls are meant to be feminine. sometimes I also like tomboyish kind of girl but at the end of the day I would like to marry a beautiful, feminine, girlie girl. I guess most of the guys think the same way.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with you.

He's just expressing his admiration for those girls.

Nothing to worry about.