Has playful fighting in a relationship ever lead to physical abuse?

[vishna]

If both people or one person in a relationship often covers the others' mouth, holds a person down, or play hits/kicks...is this a sign of future physical abuse?

Yes, cute punching will probably lead to real punching

No, that person is just playful

Other, if so explain

I don't know

Updates

+1 y

He does it usually when he's frustrated with something I say

ex) I make up crazy stories involving him(I'm just a wacky kind of person) and he is so sensitive he things I'm picking on him so he will cover my mouth up

...he's never hit me out of anger because our fights have never involved screaming, cursing, or anything like that. I can count on one hand how many times he's raised his voice to me or I've raised my voice at him

Updates

+1 y

The thing that worries me is that he does it as a way to stop behavior he doesn't like. He can't talk it out first..ex) last night we were hanging out and I said something that was 100% me just joking and he covered my mouth up' yeah I didn't say it was bad and laughed because it's play fighting but afterward he told me he didn't like what I was saying...


Why not say it before you touch? I think solving anything through violence(or touch) as a go to is backwards

Updates

+1 y

We broke up a while ago.

He wasn't the one for me plus he had a temper and didn't think first.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend does that to me and he used to much more before, he would either grab my head and lick my face to get me to stop talking, hold me down and tickle me so I stop and even sort of hold me down from my wrists so he could say whatever he wants and if I say anything else he doesn't like licks my face etc -_-... It gets really annoying and he reduced very slightly because I would end up getting pissed and pushing him then he pushes me back and we end up yelling at each other and punching or kicking... him (playfully but anything he does hurts cause he's strong!) and me seriously cause I'm trying to get him to stop but he usually doesn't feel anything. At times I accidentally punch him off guard and he gets hurt.. but then we laugh about it... Not always though :/ .. yes it could lead to fighting duuuhh ! Anyone who doesn't know how to properly communicate using proper words will end up participating in such activities to 'win' ... cause they feel they have nothing on you cause the don't know how to fight back so it's their only defense. If I were you I would start from now. Everytime he touches your mouth or stops you tell him 'HEY! Don't touch me. If you want to express something SAY it' . In the beginning he will only act out even more but as time goes by and you keep saying this he'll start to understand what it's leading to and realize it's not worth it. It's a loooong process though.

[vishna]

We broke a few months ago. He was insane-and had a temper.

[peace-love-couture]

Yes.

If one partner doesn't want to playfully fight it can

When I was little I went to stay with a relative on my dads side of the family. She was young, but with an older guy (maybe 10 years older).

One day, we were laying around watching TV and he took a flyswatter and playfully hit her thighs. Then he she told him to stop but he did it again. She told him to stop and he hit her harder and then I think she slapped him and he grabbed her and they started screaming.

He thought it was playful but she didn't want to be bothered.

They had a little boy together and he started crying so I took him outside despite only being about 5-6 years old myself and then she came out and said we were leaving to go to her moms house.

[Nightlife]

What you're describing sounds slightly different to what I would call playful fighting.

My boyfriend and I constantly pinch, hit, squeeze each other until we bruise, but we're always laughing when we do it, maybe we're both a little sadistic/masochistic ? I just know I like it, it's another way we bond physically.

But what you're saying is he doesn't like something you're saying, so he takes control of the situation with physical force. I'd just say be wary, maybe talk to him about it, try to get him to understand that he can just ask you to stop instead, or you could discuss what the issue is.

[Iskhandar]

Men who feel free to fight and hit just for the sake of playing around aren't hitters, far from it. They do it as a joke and probably would like being hit as well as a sort of game. It's the ones that are afraid of hitting you, the was that keep everything inside and end up exploding when they can't take anymore of your physhical of psychological abuse that you should watch yourself from. <3

[vishna]

I don't abuse him, or anyone, physically or psychologically:(

..and it's the guys the bottle it in that end up killing their ladies

[WoIIie]

It's not a sure sign but that certainly is one of the criteria.

Some people suddenly snap and realize they can get away with it after years of no signs of physical abuse.

You have to examine the emotion behind these actions to know what the person is really about.

[WoIIie]

@Update: Yes he's definitely abusive.

He's using physical means to control you when he feels threatened/uncomfortable. It will only get worse when uninhibited. Hopefully you see that and move on. Its hard because he probably has great qualities but if that's the only solution if you don't want to be battered.

Don't fool yourself into thinking you're going to change him.

[vishna]

Thank you, should I at least give him the chance to stop doing it by telling him I don't like it. A lot of times I don't tell him my concerns because I like to think them over first and find a solution. So do you think telling him to stop would be wise? I don't feel like I'm in immediate danger but his way of handling situations seems to be off.

[WoIIie]

You tell him where the line is and be frank about it. I personally believe that this is his nature and he will be forced to suppress it if he really wants you.

I don't know him and I don't know you, but from experience, when you fight against the grains of nature like that, nature eventually wins one way or another.

[vishna]

See that's what I was worried about...his nature...that's always been an issue to me overall..his nature. I'll tell him and be frank but I can't change him and have no desire to. Thank you so much, you've been very helpful

[Maestro9]

In most cases playful fighting won't lead to real abuse. We tend act very differently in bed than otherwise. Usually dominant women can be very submissive in bed and vice versa. When you are having sex, all your inhibitions are let loose and you naturally get more physical and so naturally reserved people can be more aggressive in bed, If the man/woman have abusive tendencies, than it will also be seen in situations outside the bedroom.

[snowangle]

Talk to him about it if it bothers you. It seems like he's trying and failing to be playful. This alone isn't cause for worry, but if he starts being jealous/controlling/disrespectful, then that's a red flag.

[ShadowFan12]

It can, if you let it, which most couples don't take it any further than just play fighting, or play wrestling, for you wrestlers out there, at least to my knowledge.

[aDzNichilista]

Not essentially. There are lot more detailings that is to be considered to raise a potential doubt as to whether this is a sign of future physical abuse.

[gonyr]

I've been play wrestling in bed with my girlfriend. I always use restraint but when she can't beat me she gets frustrated and starts getting to serious. I once pushed her off and she hit her heard on the wall.

I felt bad but it was fine

[dudeman]

not my my part but once a few days later my girlfriend told me I actually did get a bit rough with her and she actually really did try to punch me hard but I couldn't tell as was still laughing.

[foxsquirrel]

I'm afraid it is prone to gets serious as time goes by.

[Anonymous]

if one of the two does not agree or like what the other person is doing , yes it is considered abuse, or a sign of future abuse.

[DudebroDude]

An ex girlfriend of mine hit me with her salad box once.

I dumped her after I had trouble getting the smell out of ranch out of my hair.

[Prof_Don]

If he tends to be even just a but emotionally unstable...then yes he definitely can become abusive IMO.

[shadowscapes]

there's no reason it should.

[Anonymous]

yes, I take it as a red flag

[Anonymous]

miscommunication leads to abuse.

[Anonymous]

No I would say no. but if you don't like it just tell them and ask them to stop

[Anonymous]

B!

[tiredofwaiting]

Nope I voted B

[guitar903]

never

[Anonymous]

i think it could

[Anonymous]

i think it is