Do you really have to get hit for it to be an abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

One of my friends got out of a bad relationship. She recently confided in me about feeling like walking on eggshells. For instance he would get upset easily, yell and punished her by not speaking to her for a week (or withholding affection) for not organizing the kitchen in the order he wanted or not making his meat patties on a specific manner. Pretty soon, he requested her to limit her visits with her grandparents.
Or he would laugh whenever she ended up crying. He never hit her though. She didn't think it was abuse because it lacked physical abuse. She thought only hitting was abuse.

I wonder how many other people are in a real bad relationship without ever getting hit? Do you really have to get hit for it to be an abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

No.

Abusive relationships can take many forms. If one partner isolates the other from their friends, belittles them constantly, manipulates their life choices by witholding affection or threatening to leave it can be just as much abusive as being knocked about. Sometimes even more.

I'm in a situation where I moved away from family and friends, studied what she "approved" of and have basically been in a sexless marriage for over 2 years. I'm totally dependent on her financially and despite being the named account holder of the business "we" own I can't access the account or the funds without her permission via a PIN authorisation that's sent to her phone.

Initially I wouldn't have described it as abusive, but hindsight is a scary thing. I managed to get to a psychologist who's helping me rediscover my strength and the stronger I get now the more dependent she's trying to make me by threatening to leave and take our child with her. I've reconnected with a couple of friends from home and they're agreeing with the shrink's assessment - spousal abuse.

So no, you don't need to be hit. I'm taller and far heavier than my wife and my physical strength is way above hers, but I'm realising I've been in an abusive relationship over 20 years. Now I'm in my 50s with a child to raise so just leaving and starting over is way more complicated

[ChrisMaster69]

No you don’t need to get physically hurt.

abuse comes in various forms.

for some mental and emotional abuse can be far worse than physical and harder to ‘fix’

often though it can be coupled with both, that double or triple whammy of mental, emotional and physical abuse.

Emotional and mental can lead down a very dark deep hole.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

No, there's many forms of abuse. Your friend is talking namely about emotional abuse.

I had that experience growing up around my mother, who would yell at me randomly and be angry whenever I succeeded (aka made her look bad) or failed (aka didn't live up to her unreasonable expectations - or made her look bad). I wasn't allowed to express emotions similar to what my mother expressed, either.

Actually, I wasn't really allowed to express emotions other than happiness, really. Anger, sadness, disappointment - all those were considered "disrespectful". If I was happy, but mother wasn't, I was being "disrespectful" and "showing off".

It might be good to recommend your friend seeks a therapist to help her unpack, address, and recover from the experience.

[Lyndsielee666]

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and it definitely is considered an abusive relationship.

[Ironmunkee]

Not at all. There is plenty of emotional abuse that can be devastating. Very cutting words, gaslighting, condescension, manipulation, lies, etc.

I would prefer to be punched in the gut or even knocked out than experience some forms of emotional/mental abuse.

[OBB29]

That's an emotionally abusive relationship. Also, physically abusive relationships start with emotional abuse. But not all emotionally abusive relationships involve physical abuse. Still extremely difficult to let go of and move on from.

[DizzyDesii]

My first relationship was straight peer pressure and verbal abuse as well as gaslighting and manipulation. I didn't get hit. He actually got hit in retaliation for all he put me through. But sadly tthat just made him want me more

[dustybiker]

No. Emotional abuse is real.

Men are probably more like to be emotionally abused with words, tone and action than physical. Things that are equally damaging to anyone.

[Nads111]

There's different types of abuse... being hit is a form of abuse which is physical abuse... there's also emotional abuse and a range of other types of abuse. So a relationship can be abusive even if nobody got hurt physically.

[Fireguy17]

no, there is both physical and mental abuse, it can be one or the other or both.
None of those are a good thing and congrats to her for getting out.
For many that can be very difficult.

[Asker]

She got out but it made an impact on her. She hasn't fully recovered yet and is scheduling an appointment with a counselor.

[Fireguy17]

That is good to hear.
It can take a bit to heal, but hopefully she will be better soon.

[melanieeeB]

Abuse comes in different shades and forms and humans lol There is mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse and the list goes on

[whereismyjohnny]

Of course not.

Physical abuse is not the only abuse. There are many types of abuse, she was emotionally abused.

[JustinTheGreat]

of course not. There’s different types of abuse and not all of it is physical. Your friends relationship is definitely definitely had emotional and verbal abuse going on

[exitseven]

No, you can be abused if your partner belittles you or makes you feel stupid. Sometimes emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse.

[Blackcosmo]

Physical abuse isn't the only form of abuse in a relationship. He was being emotionally abusive.

[MrOracle]

She was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Abuse isn't limited to just physical abuse.

[Anonymous]

No, many types of abuse. Verbal abuse is very common also, and is definitely abuse. Emotional abuse as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Your friend should get out of that relationship for sure. No way to live or a healthy relationship at all. Ask her if she wants to live like that? Because it will only continue and probably get worse.

[Asker]

She's already free from that relationship but it made an impact on her. She's single now and taking a break in dating.

[Opinion Owner]

Good! :)

[bean2k21]

When you fail to organize the kitchen or make meat patties correctly, yes, that is a form of abuse.

[one1wild00]

One doesn't have to be physically hit to be in an abusive relationship. There is mental abuse as well.

[nawtee_me]

No, not at all. There is emotional abuse as well as physical abuse. Both are abuse...

[Jltakk]

I've been emotionally abused, and it felt like walking on eggshells all the time.

[RobEurope]

No verbal agression and manipulation is abuse too. Everything that crosses your boundaries is abuse.

[Wonderwhat]

It can be emotionally abusive

[Asker]

This precisely. I wonder how many other people must be stuck in that relationship, where they also don't think it's abuse because they don't get hit. It makes me wonder how many people are getting abused without knowing it's still abuse.

[Wonderwhat]

Some people think it's normal so they don't do anything about it.

For me I just got tired of the abuse left and never felt better. I don't want shitty people back in my life.

[mandyfire98]

There's always emotional abuse.