Men never hit on me or approach me in public?

[Anonymous]

This has been effecting my self esteem lately...

I hear from my other girls friends allthe time how they are constantly hit on when they are out in public ( some of them are only considered average looking). I only see guys glancing at me when I'm out or in rarw cases smiling at me, but I've nver bad a guy around my age trying to use blatant pick up lines on me ( I'm 22, btw).

My mother says that they are just a bit intimidated to approach me, and that girls who are usually hit on look like those who put out or act really outgoing. My last boyfriend ( the only one I've ever had and we broke up 2 years ago) told me I was intimidating to him and he had to muster up courage to approach me. I am told by some friends, strangers ( not lately though), and especially family members that I am attractive, cute, pretty, and whatever adjectives, but I just can't seem to believe them based on my own experiences with guys ( personally I think I'm mostly average looking and down to earth looking). I am not beautiful, by any means, but I don't dress in t shirts and sloppy clothing... A friend told me that I looked stylish in school, but I only dress that way when I'm in school and not so much that way when I'm hanging out in public... I don't go out much often though, only when I have to go to work ( I work as a counter girl at a restaurant)... Could it be that guys are a little bit intimidated by me (somehow) which makes them less likely to approach and flirt with me out of the blue, or is this whole intimidation thing bullsh*t... Aren't guys ony intimidated by either girls who are really pretty or look really well-off?

Girls will approach me, though first whether it be at work or in school... I have no problem making friends with girls, but I am having a bit of a trouble with making guy friends...

I am not looking to get hit on ( because maybe guys really do only hit on peomiscuous looking girls).

Is the number of men hitting on a girl really an indicator of how physically attractive she is regardless of how promiscuous she looks...?

Ive tried to have this conversation with my mom several times about how guys don't approach me or hit on me, but she cuts me off short saying I shouldn't concern myself with such a small issue and just live my life . My parents never help me out with self esteem issues even though they know I'm struggling with it, they simply tell me not to care about the way I look and focus on other things ( it just doesn't work that way for me :/).

Any ideas, suggestions?

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Before you answer, please try to skim the whole story !

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Anybody else?

[Tyme1313]

It has a lot to do with the way feminists have attacked men for flirting with women in public. Their war on "cat calling" is part of it. I know a lot of guys at my college that are afraid to hit on women for fear of getting accused of sexual harassment, which would put their education at risk. Another issue is most men our age are rather shy compared to our parents generation, most men are probably in general to afraid of rejection to hit on you. Between men being accused of sexual harassment for trying to ask women out, and a lot of them having an innate fear of rejection, you likely won't get approached by guys very often.

I was in a sociology class at my university and this topic came up. When asked how men ask them out on dates, every woman in class said either Facebook, or a dating app. They all commented on how men won't approach, or flirt with women in public anymore and they say they wished men would ask them out face to face. But, I'm with the other guys on her, if you just want guys to approach you for a confidence boost, and you intended to blow them off anyway, then that's messed up. However, if you're like the women I go to college with I feel for you. But, men just don't approach women as often as you'd think.

Personally, I love hitting on, and flirting with women in public. I honestly just do it because I find it fun, and if I get her number great, most of the time I ask them out then and there though. But, most men aren't really confident enough to do so. If it makes you feel any better, if you are as cute as you say, I'd definitely hit on you. 😘

[Quadrophonic84]

Very attractive girls often feel lonely because men think you're out of our league and we would only be rejected. I mean, truthfully, you probably would reject a lot of guys, right? But you still want them to try so you can feel better. I get that, it's human nature. I went out with a woman who is regularly told she could model, she's 26, and never had a boyfriend. Same situation. You should approach guys that you want to talk to so they know you're not going to just laugh and walk away. Many women do just want guys to flatter them and then they get a thrill out of treating us like nothing and tossing us behind them. Makes them feel powerful.

[Asker]

I don't consider myself very attractive maybe at best just attractive... Or maybe I have a very screwed up self perception...

[Quadrophonic84]

You're female, you have a screwed up self-image.

[moloz]

I agree with Quadrophonic84, you probably would reject a lot of guys.

[Asker]

What? How would you know? Like I said, I'm not incredibly beautiful. I think I'm your everyday average down to earth looking 22 year old, although some people assume I am from a rich family...( which is not at all true)... I don't know what's so intimidating about me for guys to approach, really

[moloz]

I'm not sure what your expectations are, so far you've only expressed your frustration. You've been told you're intimidating yet you took no steps to prove them otherwise. That's why both me and Quadrophonic84 said you'd reject a lot of guys, you give this vibe.

"I am not looking to get hit on ( because maybe guys really do only hit on peomiscuous looking girls). "

No, we do it to girls who are receptive or can be "friendly" (flirty)

[Asker]

Well...as my mom always says, she says I could be the type of girl that only chases after guys with a lot of money, but that's just coming from my mother... But there are tons of girls who are more gorgeous and prettier that get hit on constantly when they are out...maybe it just has to do with vibes.

[moloz]

Then why don't you take steps to change that vibe to get the desired effect?

[Asker]

Well, I don't know how I can change that vibe?

I mean I don't dress in designer clothes... I just dress like a normal young person, except I wear neutral and conservative clothing... Should dressing sluttier attract more guys my age? And I wouldn't want to do that anyways, because that's just not my style...

[Asker]

And I don't behave too pretentious, either... In fact a lot of people tell me I look shy...

[moloz]

link Read this when you have time. Short version, no matter what you do, in the end some will call you a slut.

I never implied you have to dress like a bitch with revealing body parts, no. Just be friendlier and throw away innocent flirts, make guys seem like you can be approached. Things like asking guys for help at homework or something like this (I don't think you're in school but you get the point, I hope)

[Anonymous]

Have not you studied 'precising' the paragraphs? anyway, some people are not socially good to hook up with others. I'm one of those.

[Asker]

Sry about not precising the paragraphs, I typed this whole thing up on my iPhone...