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Welcome to Penguinism!
*It should be noted that this denomination of Penguinism is not associated with any previously existing version with the same name. For all intents and purposes, this should be considered New Penguinism*
There was once a book, it was known throughout the whole world as a work of religious, spiritual and historical significance. Its original version was shared in only 4 languages and only the most trusted and devoted followers were given the task of translating. This book was known as The Book of Steve! Here we will explore just some examples of what this book contained!
You’re probably thinking “what is this nonsense?” and rightly so. I once stood where you stand, brothers and sisters. This monochromatic world has obscured the simple truths that were once so obvious. We are a species with amnesia and we have forgotten about our mighty Penguin Gods. Luckily, it’s not too late and by coming out of the shadows, out of your churches, your mosques, your synagogues, your bars, your clubs and your sports stadiums, you can bask in the light of Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him).
The Forgotten Past
Let me address your questions one at a time. You’re wondering why you’ve never heard of such a faith, right? Surely we would have found images in the pyramids or tales within Ancient books or tablets or perhaps even stories, right? The truth is that most of the evidence and reference to Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) were lost during a cataclysmic period known as the Younger Dryas. As such, we only find scraps of information or the occasional image that serve to remind us of a time long since forgotten.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) was battling John in the Heavens. As the highest ranking Penguin, having completed 6 full levels of the Trial of Devotion, John was a voice for all the unhappy Penguin souls in Europa. Displeased with co-operation between Penguins and Humans on Earth, John wished to take some form of action that would return humans back to their unevolved form. During the battle, a planet’s destruction caused sizeable chunks to head straight towards Earth, about to cause unknown destruction.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) could have stopped it but he made a promise to himself that once an event has been set into motion, he cannot interfere. The Earth was suffering an Ice Age at this point in time but the impact from these rocks caused fires to burn, volcanoes to erupt and floods to wash across much of the land. This in turn wiped out the Ancient City of Scholars which was home to both penguins and humans alike, both more intelligent than their descendants who occupy the world today. These Ancient beings shared much of their knowledge with a small group of sages who took it upon themselves to share this knowledge around the world. Some went to Egypt, others to South America; some went into hiding, attempting to preserve the knowledge that had once been known by the City of Scholars. The memory of this city soon faded until it was nothing more than an old tale: an old tale of a sunken city that was swallowed by the waters of the flood.
That is until recently when the discovery of a Great Temple buried miles under the ice of Antarctica was discovered with the help of the Piri Reis map which in itself was a compilation of much older maps which had been held in the Library of Alexandria before being transferred to Constantinople. The discovery of this Great Temple has brought forth the Penguinism faith once more and it is from documents within this Great Temple that I am able to tell you the TRUTH that the world wishes so desperately to forget.
The Tenets of Penguinism
Within this Temple, discovered beneath the thick ice of Antarctica, were the remains of a penguin, much larger than any you see in the world today: Its skeleton suggestive of fingers or at least some penguin version very similar to fingers. Held in one hand was a book filled to the brim with ancient knowledge. In the other was a list of tenets that Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) wishes all the children of Earth to follow.
They read as follows:
1. All creatures are welcome within Penguinism! Man, woman, child, penguin, dog, cat, gay, straight, white, black, green, blue…all are welcome! We do not discriminate based on birth characteristics. Penguinism is less of a religion and more of a way of life.
2. The subjective nature of morality rules out any punishments of a Divine nature. Upon death, your heart is weighed against the weight of a penguin. If your heart is heavier then you simply die. If your heart is lighter then you can join Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) in the great halls of Europa, his mighty ice city. There is no punishment, only the choice between death and life.
3. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) will never command you to do anything. He doesn’t want you to kill your children or cut off foreskins or fly planes into towers or burn heretics or laugh hysterically as you imagine others being plunged into the pits of hell. He just wants everyone to be happy without infringing on the happiness of others.
4. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) does not work in mysterious ways. He either helps you or he does not. There is no question of it being part of a grander purpose. His actions are determined only by whether or not your wish has a ripples effect that would impact others.
5. There are no prophets or tales of end times! Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) believes first and foremost in peace. He does not wish to destroy those who live on Earth, whether they believe in him or not. Violence is NEVER the answer in Penguinism and those who behave under the flag of Penguinism will be banished, never finding peace in Europa. The only time any form of violence is acceptable is when both parties agree and no harm can be done to the other (such as between Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) and John.
Genesis
You may be wondering what the Genesis story of Penguinism is like. Before the universe began, there existed only two things: a penguin and an egg. The Penguin grew and learned and wondered for his entire life what was inside this mystical looking egg. He couldn’t touch it for his flipper would pass right through as if the egg were simply a figment of his imagination.
This Penguin was Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) but not as he exists today. He was young, he was naïve, and he was not Almighty. One day, he found that he could touch the egg and so he knocked…but nothing happened. Time passed and again, he knocked…but nothing happened. Only on the 13 millionth knock did a response echo across the space and this knock was followed almost immediately by a crack. This marked the start of our universe nearly 14 billion years ago. But what of Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him)?
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him), found that he was scattered throughout the universe by the eggs explosion. As Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) began to form himself he also found he could manipulate the space around him. He was separate from the universe but also one with it. Slowly but surely, Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) improved his power until he found a blue and green planet. There was nothing special about this planet, it just happened to be at the right place at the right time.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) created creatures in his image and they were the most intelligent creatures to walk on the Earth. They built gigantic structures out of the Earth’s natural resources, they came up with laws and ways to worship Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him). Sadly, their rules became fuelled with hate, they put belief above reason and the once true tale of Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) became muddled in lies and deceit. The selfish desire to appear the most righteous left the planet in ruins and the destruction of the planet wiped out most of the intelligent life. From this point on Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) decided only to interact with those who reached out to him. Once something was put into motion, he would not influence it if it would impact the lives of others.
The Creation of Europa
As the species once again grew in size, it reached a similar level as before. Forgetting their creator and the lessons he had tried to teach them before, moral behaviour was matched by immoral behaviour. It’s not that the inhabitants of the world were evil but rather they were lost and easily misguided. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) decided that his children lacked an understanding of morality and needed a nudge in the right direction. He refused to break his own rule and so instead, he created a world that existed both within and out with the universe itself.
He named this place ‘Europa’ and it was a haven for all who were worthy. Unfortunately, due to his lack of interaction with the Earth creatures, there was only one Penguin left on Earth who followed the old ways and hadn’t subscribed to these “New Gods”. His name was Pingu and he was still young, innocent and had not been corrupted by the ways of the world. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) visited Pingu in a dream, instructing him to spread the word of Penguinism: its tenets, its rules and the promise of Europa for those who are worthy.
And so it was…Pingu spread the word, devoting his entire life to Penguinism. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) built Pingu a mighty temple in the remote, sunny South Pole of Earth so he could enjoy his final days before being welcomed to Europa. Pingu marked the first soul to enter into the land beyond and he became the judge of all those who would follow. If any creature had a heart heavier than Pingu, then it meant that they were not worthy of entrance to Europa and they would simply fade from existence. Those who passed were welcomed in.
Europa is a place almost as large as the universe itself. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) designed it so that everyone could be happy and at peace somewhere within this realm. Some described it as a paradise but in reality, it took a number of different forms and wasn’t vastly different from the physical world. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) took pride in his creation and cared for it deeply. He would spend time the souls who had been accepted and would perfect any detail that seemed out of place. There was only one real rule in Europa: your desires and actions cannot inhibit the enjoyment of another being. Of course, Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) was always prepared to discuss any grievances.
As the numbers within Europa began to grow, one trend became clear: all the Penguins eventually began to lack purpose. Being content, being happy, being free eventually became boring. Unrest led to negativity and it became up to Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) to address the problem. Many of these souls who had previously been pure of heart became sinister, immoral and lost. It seemed unfair to punish them for naturally drifting and so He came up with a new solution.
He announced that Europa would no longer be the only place that Penguins could go. If they desired, they could return to the Earth and live several lives, allowing their actions to gradually alter their way of life and help shape the world. They could choose to retain their memories and experience from previous lives or they could start again from scratch. Before a Penguin returned to Earth, they had to select a starting point, a level of intelligence and the number of lives they wished to lead.
This marked the beginning of the Trials of Devotion. Penguins would return to Earth for up to 7 lives. Only those who wiped their memory and started from scratch were considered to be taking part in the Trials of Devotion. The others were simply helping to shape the world and improve upon their own knowledge and experience. Several of these sages would go on to found the City of Scholars. The Trials of Devotion served to test one idea and one idea only: could a Penguin complete 7 lives with no memory of any past lives and still return to Europa with a light heart? It’s important to note that any Penguin who returned with a heavy heart was simply returned to Earth to provide service which involved redeeming oneself for any immoral actions.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) decided that to help Penguins have a sense of purpose once they had returned to Europa, he would allow any Penguin who completed the full 7 years and returned with a light heart to challenge him for the role of leader. Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) could not get rid of his own powers but he could allow another being to share in them, even if just temporarily. This wasn’t a necessity as anyone who passed the full 7 years would be granted a seat at the High Council and would have a great deal of influence over both Europa and Earth.
Life on Earth
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) never stopped watching over Earth. He was amazed at the formation of life on this planet. New species of ape-like creatures were spreading out across the globe. Interactions between the advanced Penguins and the less advanced humans were peaceful, for the most part. The humans would often view the Penguins as Gods due to their advanced technology and knowledge. Many Penguins took advantage of this and enslaved the humans, using them to build temples to honour themselves.
One such Penguin was John, who was currently on his 7th year of the Trial. John was guaranteed a return to Europa but having no memory of it or its creator, he was only as knowledgeable as the typical Penguin at that time. John, in this carnation, hated humanity. He had been raised in a society that allowed humanity to burn, fight and destroy and simply overlooked their actions as being a sign of their desire to learn. John’s parents (in this life) had been victims of a massacre at the hand of a tribe of humans.
When John found himself being worshipped by a separate tribe, he immediately began to use them like slaves. Temples were built, food was gathered, other humans were killed, all in the name of John. It eventually fell to other Penguins to step in and end the tyranny of John.
In other places, Penguins and humans worked together. One example was the City of Scholars. This city went by many names within human societies. Situated on an island, the Penguins had built this grand city, it’s only purpose being to educated Penguins and humans alike. Humanity began to learn about the universe, the stars, the planets, the Earth, agriculture, architecture and some took to Penguinism with great interest.
The Great Battle
Many Penguins were taking part in the Trials of Devotion. While many were reaching level 5 and even level 6, only John had managed to reach level 7. Having been killed after enslaving humanity, John returned to Europa with grievances and he wasn’t alone. While many Penguins were driven by the possibility of a seat on the High Council, desperate to enjoy the perks that no normal mind can begin to comprehend. Unfortunately, many were unhappy with the situation on Earth and John was demanding that their voiced be heard. John, and many liked him, viewed the humans as abominations whose very existence disgraced the mighty Penguin race.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him), ever the diplomat asked for solutions. He welcomed any peaceful solution that would please those in Europa as well as those on Earth. Some Penguins suggested extermination but these Penguins returned to the Earth in their simplest form, cursed to live the life of a simple-minded Penguin until they learned to feel empathy. John proposed an alternative solution. As the 2nd highest rank of Penguin, only below Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) himself, John suggested a contest: a battle between the two where the victor decides the course of action. As he had failed is 7th year of the Trial of Devotion, he wasn’t in his right to declare such a challenge…but Steve, the Almighty (Fish Be around Him) accepted.
The pair would receive similar abilities and as Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) appeared in his physical, Penguin form, the pair grew to the size of planets, ready to do battle. Stories are told of the sheer magnitude of this battle but in his physical form, Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) had no control over other aspects of the universe and when a planet on the edge of the solar system was destroyed by a giant ice spear, he couldn’t stop the chunks of rock flying in all directions, many heading straight towards Earth.
Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) who was victorious in his battle, declared that Penguins and humans would remain side by side on Earth. He also punished John to several lifetimes as a human. However, chunks of the broken planet from the great battle were already set to interact with Earth. Wishing he could help, Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) could only remember the promise he had made to himself…and knew full well that the impact was out of his hands.
The Sinking of the City of Scholars
On Earth, the City of Scholars was flourishing. Man and Penguin were reaching a similar level of intelligence as the generations passed. Unfortunately, their intelligence had not yet prepared them for the approaching asteroid which was an outcome of the Great Battle. By the time the city realised, it was simply too late to save the planet from the impact. Penguins rushed to the City of Scholars in the hopes that they would have a solution. Having determined the impact area, the Penguins all agreed on one solution.
Providing humanity with all the help they could, the Penguins rushed to the South Pole of the planet, surprisingly close to the Temple of Pingu. Here, the Penguins built a sanctuary, in the hopes that they could survive the disastrous effect of the impact. Many stayed behind, hoping that the City of Scholars would provide them with some form of protection. Sadly, it sunk to the bottom of the sea and was lost forever.
In the end only 7 Penguins survived the sinking of the City of Scholars and Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) could only weep at the damage he had allowed to take place during his battle with John. These 7 remaining sages set out to try and educate man and prepare for crossing the same stream of rock in the next 12,500 years. Sadly, they died out and so having left mankind with all the information they could, they could only look down from Europa and hope that they would remember!
Contacting Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him)
If you want to know more about Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him) or Penguinism, then simply reach out with your spirit and ask for his guidance. Alternatively, find the New_Penguinism Twitter account where all your questions can be answered by a devout member of Penguinism.
Watch This Space
These are only a few of the incredible and historically factual tales to be revealed to us through Penguinism. By continuing your Penguinist journey, you can begin to find answers to the questions that you haven’t even thought of yet.
Other historical events and figures whose tales will be released in the future include:
-Pingu’s Pilgrimage
-The Enslavement of Camerinium
-John and the Creation of Jesus
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