Sex before marriage as a Catholic?

[Anonymous]

Obviously, the Catholic church promotes the idea of waiting until marriage for a variety of reasons. However, many of these are outdated, based on old ideas, etc. I haven't had any opportunities yet, but I'm also not totally sold on the idea of waiting until marriage. I'm not crazy religious or anything, I just go to church on most Sundays. Is it possible to have sex before marriage relatively guilt-free and still consider yourself a Catholic?

[Norah19]

I'm not a Catholic (I am a Christian though), and I do know that there are a lot of extra man made rules added into Catholicism. Saving sex for marriage however is a rule made by God Himself and it isn't a debatable one on whether or not it's wrong or should still be listened to. God does not make these rules to be bossy, they are made because :
1. Sin separates us from God and in intentionally sinning we cannot have a right relationship with Him.
2. The rules actually are made with good intentions; God made sex for marriage between a man and woman because only in a committed relationship (with God at the centre) will sex truly be good and fulfilling. He knows what's best for us, and God does bless those who wait.
You've said you're not crazy religious, what exactly does that mean to you? Do you think you are saved? If so, why?
If you are not actively seeking out a relationship with God and are not at least trying to put Him first in your life then I would say that you probably aren't truly saved. If living for God is only part time then it's not really living for Him. Ask yourself if you truly do want to pursue God, and go from there.
So no, I do not believe any Catholic (or any Christian for that matter) can live guilt-free when they are intentionally sinning. But if someone isn't truly saved then it probably won't affect them.

[Sami365]

Why worry about such a thing? I grew up in a Catholic family, my dad very into the religion. At the same time, he was a manwhore (my dad's words, not mine).

So it doesn't actually matter. Toss away such outdated ideas and just focus on being a good person. You'd think the latter would be all god would want: you to be a good person.

So don't stress it. Have sex whenever you are ready. Don't wait wait because of some old church dudes and the religions, but also don't push yourself into it. Do it when you are ready for sex. Simple.

[TuMeManques]

You want sex before marriage guilt free while remaining a faithful Catholic. I feel like you know the answer to this question. Call it "outdated" or whatever else eases ypur conscience but you know what you believe better than anyone on here.

[WalterRadio]

I have a dear friend from high school who was a devout Catholic. She married as a virgin within days of graduating from college.

8 or 9 years later, she was miserable and wanted a divorce. She was quite conflicted over it, because she wasn't supposed to get a divorce as a Catholic.

She realized that the reason why she got married when she did was because she wanted to have sex, but that if she had sex, but not gotten married, she never would have married that guy and would not have lived a much happier life.

[Poppykate]

Lol 😂 Sexual compatibility is important!

[SteppingOnRoses]

@Poppykate im not sure it was only about sexual compatibility. probably not... just not enough time of dating and getting to know each other...

[WalterRadio]

@SteppingOnRoses
In my friend's case, they had been dating for about 2 1/2 years.

As a couple, they had issues, and their sex life together never came up, so I don't know if that was one or not. But the point is that because she was Catholic, she thought she had to wait until marriage to have sex, so she rushed into marrying. If she could have had sex without getting married, she would have done that and then when the other issues came up, been done with it.

She is happy now with her current husband.

[SteppingOnRoses]

oh. Thats good then :)

[Pyrofox]

I'm not Catholic at all but I dont see anything wrong with sex before marriage so long as it was mutually accepted. And AUTHORIZED.

If anything this is probably one of the reasons I'd never join to be a Catholic. (Especially since I already have sinned on this topic.) LMAO. But its honestly just laughable that its considered bad. As some Catholic's make the mistake of making the topic of sex NSFW. Which leaves many too curious for their own good, which results in accidental pregnancies.

[DarklordOdin]

If you are planning to get married to your partner, then it probably wouldn't conflict with your Catholic values anyway.
But, let's put it this way: Would you rather do what you feel is right even though others say it is not, or do what you feel is wrong simply because others say it is right?
Besides, as you say you aren't terribly religious, it's your decision in the end.

[SteppingOnRoses]

id rather go with what i feel is right. I only have one life...

[DarklordOdin]

A wise choice. I wish thee well.

[SteppingOnRoses]

thanks. you too.

[HaveNoName]

Stupid question frequently found here.

Just calling yourself Christian or Jewish or Muslim does not mean anything. Just ask yourself.. Do you have fear of God? Do you believe on the day of judgement? The question is for YOU to ask yourself. If you don't believe in God then do whatever you fuckin want. Why are you asking others? And if you want to ask, go to a church and ask a pastor or whoever. Not here.

BTW: Comment from @BCRanger10 is the BEST !!!

[sailorjupiter]

well... it's your choice. It's basically between you and God. Asking to others about this seems like not quite right, because other people might not as religious or the other way round. Not quite right to get the answer here

[Matt21]

definitely! in my opinion, religion is one of those things where you take the things that speak to you and abide from them and the things that don't make sense you can forget about.

[Asker]

Thanks! This is pretty much how I feel, I just wanted some outside opinions because I'd feel weird bringing it up with my Catholic friends

[Matt21]

my girlfriend is protestant and I'm Catholic (although we really aren't that religious) I guess that's not supposed to happen but we really don't care.

the whole catholic religion and many others are really simply outdated... For example, there needs to be equal rights no matter your gender or sexual preference. My brother is also transgender and my father is super catholic and it's gone to the point where he treats his own son like shit... would god really have wanted that?

[SteppingOnRoses]

to answer you Matt21 I think not. He's ignoring some lessons from the Bible there, in favour of others... but seems more correct just to punish his son than to actually try to show some compassion...

[springocelot]

Guilt and Catholicism usually mix. Swaying to the whims of secular society does not make one a practicing Catholic. I think you know the answer to this.

[A-mac]

As a Catholic in a relationship, I do have sex with my boyfriend (shocker!!!). However, I don't take Communion (out of honesty). I've decided I won't take Communion until my wedding ceremony (which will be a Catholic ceremony).

[SteppingOnRoses]

you can't take communion? :/

[SteppingOnRoses]

it kind of implies you are now dirty... :/ the hell?

[A-mac]

I don't like to cherry pick in my religion. If I know a life choice is also a sin, I won't take Communion. In this case, it's sex before marriage.

[SteppingOnRoses]

I see. just didn't know it could even imply not to take communion. I am catholic too by the way, just never had really thought on that...

[Norah19]

If you're okay with me asking, I am curious about a few things. I'm not Catholic (but I am a Christian), so I'm not super familiar with what Catholicism all entails.
You know it is a sin to have sex outside of a marriage, why then do you still choose to do so? Knowing that our sins separate us from God, & in intentionally sinning we put a barrier between us & Him. Salvation does not apply to that person (Hebrews 10:26). Are you a "Casual Christian"? (these really don't exist in the sense that a Christian cannot be half in and out)
Do you willingly go to church? If so, in knowing what God says in the Bible about sex and marriage, do you believe He is right in that command? And if not, do you really believe then?
I know a lot of people think they are saved (Catholics believe things on salvation other than what the Bible says), or even just hope they are. But that's not enough. Living in sin is not a sign of receiving salvation.
What do you think of all I've said?

[Norah19]

I definitely agree with not taking Communion though, if we are not right with God and we take it then we are calling God's judgement on us. I myself have not taken it a few times because I knew I needed to work through some stuff first.

1 Corinthians 11:26–29
"For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes. 27 Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. 28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself, if he does not judge the body rightly."

[A-mac]

@Norah19 I don't asking at all. Religion aside, sex or making love is a part of a relationship. I do willingly go to church, because it helps me as a whole. As far as this particular sin goes, I do pray to God for forgiveness and hope for mercy and understanding. When I do have sex, I'm making love. It's not out of selfishness, but love.

[Norah19]

This will be fairly long so I apologize. I’ve already cut back a lot but I wanted it to be helpful and didn’t feel it would be if I left too much out. I hope you do not mind too much.

[Norah19]

First, if you are a believer then religion/what the Bible says should never be put aside. If something goes against what the Bible teaches us then it is still a sin regardless of what society tells us. The Bible shows us how Christians should act and live, and that’s not just when it suits you. Living for God and obeying His Word is not a part time thing.

In secular relationships (outside of marriage) sex definitely has pretty much just become a given expectation. But that’s not looking at things biblically. If you are professing to be a Christian/believer then the way society sees relationships should not affect the way we do. The Bible doesn’t change just because society’s view has. Sex was created by God to be between a man and a woman in a marriage.

If you think that having sex with your boyfriend is inevitable or just don’t see why God says people should wait, then I do believe you are looking to your own desires and not trusting God in His intentions and plans for marriage. --

[Norah19]

You say that you ask God for forgiveness and hope He understands and has mercy on you. Are you then saying you hope God accepts, understands and is okay with you intentionally sinning? If so, that really doesn’t make sense, and I believe if you think about it you’ll come to see that as well. It’s definitely not biblical.

Hebrews 10:26
“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,”

To go on sinning intentionally is not a sign of being saved. Christians are called to live a life of repentance. That’s not just asking for forgiveness, it is also deciding to turn away from that sin. Knowing that having sex before marriage is a sin, and yet still choosing to have it is not repentance. It is the exact opposite in fact; it is rejecting Jesus’ sacrifice. Because He did die for our sins, not so we can sin freely but so that we may choose to reject sin completely. --

[Norah19]

Romans 6:1-2
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

God cannot overlook sin and He cannot be in the presence of sin. So if it is un-repented then there will be no forgiveness, and rightfully so. How can we expect God to understand our choice to live in sin, which is choosing a life apart from Him? Especially when He has freely provided a way out of it but you are choosing to ignore it? We cannot be in a right relationship with Him if we are choosing sin over trusting in Him.
I must ask though, how is it not out of selfishness? If you are claiming to be a Christian/believer, and you do know what the Bible says, why are you still choosing to have premarital sex? Because you want to? Choosing our desires over God’s commands is a form of selfishness. If you know what God says about sin and yet still choose to ignore it, what does that say about you and your faith? --

[Norah19]

God gives these commands for a reason, because He does know what is best for us and what kind of life will draw us closer to Him and give Him glory. And thinking we know better than Him and deciding to ignore those commands is not a sign of faith or salvation from our sins.

When someone is truly saved, they will be changed as a person. They will learn to hate the sin they are tempted towards because they know it gets between them and God. If there is none of that happening, then maybe you do need to reevaluate whether or not you are saved.

I say this all in out of love and concern for you, hoping that it does get you thinking these things through. If you are a true believer then it is required of me to bring to light these things in the hope that you will turn back to God. --

[Norah19]

If you truly do want to be right with God, and experience His true joy and peace it is still possible to repent and receive forgiveness. For you and your boyfriend if both choose. Jesus died so that we may find forgiveness of all our sins if we repent.

Titus 2:11-12 (ESV)
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age

[capturemyheartnow]

Having sex before marriage is not permitted by chatolic religion.. But you can commit a sin and still enjoy ample sex before marriage. Then confess you sins just before marriage. After you get married , you can have ample sex.

[SteppingOnRoses]

well i think it would only work if she actually repented for having sex before marriage... but she probably won't lol...

anyways i also am not sold on the waiting part. though i do advise to try to only have it with someone you love.

[capturemyheartnow]

@SteppingOnRoses In more than 70% cases , they have sex for the first time with one partner but never get to marry him. They marry somebody else.

[SteppingOnRoses]

yes. most likely so...

It's just not in me to say they are wrong... because i think it's up to the person.

[capturemyheartnow]

@SteppingOnRoses I believe virgins are special. Follow your religion , be pure and save yourself for a marriage. Purpose of sex is at a physical , biological , sexual and spiritual level. Sex should lead to having children with your chosen one.

[SteppingOnRoses]

... never said thats not what im intending to do. I agree with all that. but can't say about waiting for marriage.

[capturemyheartnow]

@SteppingOnRoses My advice works for many virgins , but only if they wish to apply it. You are free to do what pleases you sexually.

[Prof_Don]

Back in those days, people got married in their teens.

It was never expected to keep virginity into adulthood. You would have been married by Noe in Biblical times, so dont feel guilty about having sex at your age

[deraz24]

I mean it happens, marriage won't be spoiled from not waiting. And what ab people who might not wanna get married you know, something gotta give somewhere

[TayTay21]

Most Catholics do. God made humans to mate with each other, but I do believe in being responsible. I wouldn't have an abortion.

[Xfitchick]

It has nothing to do with being catholic or whatever religion, but with your own conscious. You personally should not feel guilty about it.

[Katerina_Belle]

I'm a muslim, and I think as long as I have sex with the guy I end up marrying I wouldn't see myself as sinning or feel guilty.

[Reitex]

I love cats and I had sex before marriage I don't know what's wrong with that

[Asker]

Haha I love cats too, but I'm both a cat-aholic and a Catholic

[jason101]

all of that is up to you... who cares what that church says as long as ur happy with what u chose to do

[Blitzkrieger]

I think many catholics have sex before marriage here. People used to marry way sooner so no sex until marriage was practical but now that people wait so long for marriage its not so practical anymore. Anyway you call the shots on this.

[Anonymous]

Lots of deliberately sinning unrepentant Catholics still think they are good Catholics.

Maybe that's hypocrisy, maybe not.

[Poppykate]

I know so very many!!!

[SteppingOnRoses]

it's great to just call names to people, ain't it? :P

[jacquesvol]

Just do it, regret it and confess it and do penitence. That's the RC way.

[SteppingOnRoses]

... but she has to regret it... its not a sure things that she will

[skeptic002]

what is marriage read the bible KJV
do not listen to what people say

[legalboxers]

some follow it, some dont. I dont think its a big deal

[BCRanger10]

What makes it outdated?

[BCRanger10]

And something else to consider, you shouldn't ask this question here. The overwhelming majority of users here will tell you to do whatever you want. You are asking a secular environment what you should think and feel about your religious beliefs and values. You will not get objective responses on those teachings here.

[Anonymous]

Girl, just be safe and live life in your own way.

[Rahdle]

Not guilt free

[archiz]

sure sure

[beefcake2000]

just have sex lol