Can I get married as an asexual Catholic or do I need to have sex?

[Anonymous]

[BCRanger10]

Let's break this down a bit. There's a lot to my answer, so please be patient.

The Catholic Church teaches that one must be able to perform the marital act (the term often used for "have sex"). The reason for this is that natural sexual intercourse consummates the marriage; sex, if you will, "completes" marriage. It's not the test of martial stability or fidelity which today's society often erroneously claims it be.

Now, a condition that prevents this is called "impotence". The Modern Catholic Dictionary defines impotence as "incapacity for marital intercourse". Asexuality, on the other hand, means that a being either reproduces independently of intercourse or that one doesn't have sexual organs.

All this being established, I'd have to wonder (though with hesitation) what causes you to believe that you are asexual, especially at your age. Reading through some of your other comments here, I need to correct and clarify some things for you.

Sexual attraction for someone, or even the sexual urge in general, by themselves, are not wrong or sinful. They're not. What is sinful is when that desire is "inordinate", when all one desires is sex for its own sake and not the "... divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife..." and to procreate children (from the Modern Catholic Dictionary definition of "lust").

That, consequently, is also one reason why contraception and abortion are forbidden by the natural law and Church teaching.

It is also sinful when it is fulfilled 1) unnaturally (pornography, masturbation, sodomy, etc.) and 2) outside of marriage. Thankfully, Our Lord gave us the Sacrament of Confession as a help for us.

What do you think of all this?

[Asker]

Well, I'm mostly a sexual because i know sex won't be pleasurable for me. Whenever I try to put a tampon in for example it hurgs so bad it burns. That's why im a sexual mostly.

[hahahmm]

Of course you need to have sex to consummate a marriage and usually young couples plan to have kids at some point. Asexuals DO get married and have kids so asexuals do have sex in marriage. But I doubt anybody would official endorse marrying you if you were intent on never having sex. What would be the point, they might say. Also not consummating a marriage is grounds for annulment, meaning the marriage is voided and treated as if it never happened. Marriage - if we're talking about any kind of traditional ceremony and celebration is EXPENSIVE. It's not like buying dinner at Olive Garden, you know. It'd be silly to get married if you don't have a really good reason to.

[Asker]

I just want to be loved even though I'm asexual

[hahahmm]

If you're asking can you get married to a normal dude... he would be miserable or you would be. Would make more sense to marry an asexual guy.

[Asker]

Yes that's what i mean toarry an a sexual guy

[yourheart3]

If you are looking to be loved as someone who doesn't conform to "normal" sexual orientation or lifestyle, religion is probably the last place to look.

[hahahmm]

@yourheart3 Don't believe my comment said anything about religion. What I'm talking about is legal stuff related to marriage (in the US at least) which doesn't require any religious endorsement at all.

[yourheart3]

@hahahmm I know, I was replying to the girl who commented under your post

[hahahmm]

@yourheart3 Ahh. sorry...

[Anonymous]

Just do what you want and leave the Catholic Church out of it. They have no say in it, although some may think otherwise. Good luck finding a partner who would go along with a sexless marriage.

[Asker]

No i can't leave the Catholic Church out of this but thank you

[Opinion Owner]

Get married, have children- that’s what priests will tell you, meaning sex is expected to consummate marriage and to have children. I was raised Catholic too and am one of the “Catholic faithful,” but there comes a point where your conscious and what the church expects or wants of you clash. Personally, when it comes to marriage, sex, abortion, and birth control, I’m unwilling to take the counsel of those who choose to remain celibate. The times have changed, the church has not. I know it’s a dilemma for you, and hope you work it out.

[Asker]

Okay thanks

[Hangry06]

Unless you marry an asexual, you will be expected to. I watched a video where an asexual girl said she has sex cause her hubby needs it

[Asker]

I mean marry another a sexual person

[Hangry06]

Yeah you will be asked to have sex

[Tamera952]

Whom are you asking? God, or the peanut gallery here?

[Asker]

I can't find an answer in the bible

[Tamera952]

Well yea, duh! Looking for anything concrete or relevant in the buy-bull is a fool's errand. Think you should just use the buy-bull as toilet paper.

[Asker]

You're so disrespectful.

[JohnK123]

Technically this is religious prosecution…
Just let Catholics be @Tamera952
Just because we believe something u don’t doesn’t mean it’s not right

[Tamera952]

You’re not wrong

[Tamera952]

@JohnK123 No, technically it is not. Nobody is taking away your right to believe crazy stuff. Go right ahead — But I’ll be damned if I don’t disrespect it every chance I get, because it doesn’t deserve any respect.

[Berethor]

Most asexuals have sex, because no one date them otherwise, let alone marry.

[Dargil]

The Bible asks you to serve your spouse. You should work this out in advance.

[Asker]

But that's what i need help with

[Dargil]

If you do not want to have intercourse, you can work it out with a foreplay menu.

[Asker]

Okay

[JohnK123]

Why u thinking about marriage now? And I mean Ik Catholics who don’t have sex…. But the whole point of us is to procreate and reproduce like God wants…

[Twalli]

You only should have sex for the purpose of reproduction

[Asker]

I don't want to have sex cause I have vaginismus

[Twalli]

Hardline Catholicism is sex is only for reproduction. If you can find a guy that doesn't want sex in a marriage, you can get married. Either that or find a person who is fine marrying you if you let him have extramarital sex.

[Asker]

Ok thanks

[Tamera952]

Yuck, says you. How's that working out for ya?

[Anonymous]

If you get married you are likely to be expected to have sex with your husband. I doubt that you are truly asexual. Being asexual seems to be the fad nowadays.

[Asker]

Well I do not have sexual desires,(I used to) I do not feel sexual attraction (I used to), I'm scared to have sex and son even though I'm 17.

[Opinion Owner]

You used to have sexual desires and attractions. Therefore you are definitely not asexual. Are you possibly on the spectrum? As fear and worry can cause us to turn parts of our brains off (typically our emotions).

[Asker]

Yes, It's a mortal sin to feel sexual attraction, desire and lust for people. I've also stopped masturbating. I'm so scared of God and sinning.

[Opinion Owner]

Not if you are married.

[Asker]

I know but I'm not married

[Opinion Owner]

Well just stay chaste until you are married and then you can enjoy sex with your husband.

[Asker]

I don't know I don't want to have sex honesly

[Opinion Owner]

You say that now but you will probably get the baby fever before you get to 28. I have had it since I was 14.

[Asker]

I already have a baby fever, but im mostly a sexual because if i put anything inside of me (or try because i haven't actually) it burns so bad so sex won't be pleasuring for me. It will only hurt.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you still a virgin?

[Asker]

Yes I am

[Opinion Owner]

That is probably why it hurts when you try to put something inside yourself. Eventually that pain will subside after you break your hymen. Louis the 16th had a deformity on his penis that made it painful for him to get an erection. And he was basically asexual until he had that surgically corrected. Unfortunately for his wife that didn't happen until a ways into their marriage and she was blamed for it. The resentment towards her in France eventually led to her being executed.

[Asker]

Oh, that's terrible.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, being an Austrian Princess and getting married off to an inept French Prince in order to bring peace to your two peoples isn't as glamorous as you would think.

[Tamera952]

You’re buying into this structured fear which is absurd. You really think ‘god’ gives two shits about this trivial stuff?

[Opinion Owner]

He commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. So yes, He cares.

[RomulusToda]

You can get married without the requirement is sex. You just gotta find someone that's okay with that.

[Asker]

Okay thanks

[Pterodon]

Who will marry you and not fuck?

[Asker]

Why is sex so damn important for men I don't understand?

[Pterodon]

It’s a normal part of everyday life for everyone

[Asker]

Well fuck them

[Pterodon]

Maybe you’re the one that’s in the minority

[Asker]

Ok cool