I find if I am tempted to do that, I immediately get punished, like within 20 minutes.
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Lined up for heaven.🤣 it's just the way you put that. No. According to the Christian faith once you've accepted Jesus as your lord and savior. When you accept that he died for your sins and rose 3 days later. Then your name is written in the book of life and there is no changing that.
But! Such a thing is supposed to change you. Once you've heard God you're supposed to not be able to turn from him. God gave us all FREE WILL. He didn't want robots. He wants us to choose him.
God does not punish people. If you believe that you're going to live a miserable life blaming yourself for everything that befalls you. Don't do that to yourself.