Any advice for a struggling believer?

[Anonymous]

I am a muslim convert. (I converted about 4-5 years ago). Please no islamophobia, as in prejudice, hatred, or hostility toward Islam or Muslims here. Rational arguments are welcomed, but not hostility. It won't achieve anything.

I am having doubts. It is fueled by a depression and other personal issues, rather than doubts that come from logical reasoning. I have not prayed in 1-2 months. I've started sinning privately. I feel like an imposter.

But because it doesn't have intellectual grounds, I can't quite find peace with my lack of faith. I also have a muslim husband (he is amazing!), which makes it all the more complicated.

Stupid to come here of all places, but don't want to go to a sheikh or an Imam. And I am too proud to go to friends or family.

Any advice?

[jshm2]

You mean to say you are a Muslim revert.

But it may be you've got medical issues you need to address, before addressing your faith. It's like trying to fix your house decor, while the roof is leaking.

Islam demands you look after health and responsibilities, before all else. Allah doesn't forgive those who don't care about themselves and people, no matter how much they pray or give.

Once you're feeling better, then we can take the conversation further. Depression can be a bitch, and have friends in various faiths who struggle with it.

[Asker]

I say convert because most aren't familiar with the term revert.

I had a talk with my husband after I made this post and I thought he'd judge but he was pretty understanding. So now we have booked a therapy session with a Muslim and maybe I'll eventually feel ready to talk to imam at the mosque (he is just very proud of me so feel bad)

[Asker]

I think my main struggles are feeling like I've lost myself entirely, just molded every belief and aspect of my identity to islam. And while this is encouraged, I can't help but feel this immense freedom when I've let myself go lately and can just live my life in private. And now I just have a hard time getting back. Plus I've had some doubts concerning morals.

Hardly any philosophical ones. Just the question of good and evil, which again relates to the moral aspects.

[Staximus]

You were not raised in that religion by your parents, so it's not what you grew up believing. Did you think you were magically going to become a devoted Muslim? It doesn't usually work like that. Believing in a god is like believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Boogyman. Sooner or later, you figure out it's all bullshit told to you as a kid so you behave.

[Staximus]

It's not that big of a deal, don't worry about it. Nobody is going to die if you're not a devoted Muslim

[Asker]

I've been a devoted muslim. For 4-5 years. More devoted than many born muslims even. Even lectured other born muslims. I don't do anything halfway, which is why I'm struggling now that I can't even muster up the drive to do a prayer

[Staximus]

Yeah well things change. Now you can be an undevoted Muslim, or just not be any dumb religion at all

[TrueConfection]

Pray and read the Bible. The Holy Spirit is also praying for you and the enemy hates losing. Ask God to open your eyes, ears, mind, and to soften your heart. Ask everyday! Every single day. Pester Him like a child pesters their parent until they get what they want. God loves you.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Maybe address the source of your depression through your religion?

[Asker]

Hmm... makes sense! But the source is perhaps my loss of religion. It's just hard cause my brain has just shut out religion entirely.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Islam is all about forgiveness, isn’t it? Why not just try to forgive yourself? You clearly have a lot of shame over this idea, letting that go might be a good place to start

[Asker]

Well, yes, but it is also a very strict religion. Asking forgiveness without changing your actions, means nothing.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Well yeah, so… change your actions. Make an active effort to become spiritual again. Allah is a loving god, isn’t he? Do you really think he would want you to just sit there and punish yourself when he’s already forgiven you?

[Asker]

Changing my actions is pretty hard, when I barely manage to eat proper or take care of myself. Islam is a pretty demanding religion: prayer 5 times a day, no music, dressing proper around the opposite sex, not being friends with the opposite sex, accepting every ruling without question, even when you feel its wrong (homosexuality is for example something I struggle with a lot, because I have made more friends in the lgbtq community as of late.)

I have a hard time doing anything halfway. Might be because I am autistic and have black and white thinking.

If it's not a perfect system, why follow it?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So do you want to quit or do you want to get back to it? Nobody’s saying your specific sect of Islam is the only one that exists

[Asker]

I feel lighter after telling my husband. Was too scared he'd judge me but he was actually pretty chill about it. I still struggle but that's normal.

And I realise I seem very borderline right now haha but I think holding it in was causing me so much distress.

So yeah thanks for replying and trying to help ❤️

[Tamera952]

Yes, run …. as fast as you can. You don’t need it. There is nothing wrong with you for questioning what to others seems obvious. Questioning your faith means you have a brain, critical thinking ability. It means that you can see through dogma and realize that it’s more about humans controlling other humans, then following anything pious, or what ‘god’ wants.

My advice would be to read some books by prominent people who have written at length about their own experience, in particular with the difficulties with Islam—the internal and external pressures they struggled with, and how they came to the decisions they did. The challenging cultural issues, and family pressures. I think they’d be very informative and inspirational. (And if you want a list of books, authors, and/or need help with accessing them, then let me know, and I will try my best to help you) …Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

[Anonymous]

Regarding prayer, I can offer this advice: You can start from scratch. First, you can perform only the five daily obligatory prayers for a while to establish a routine. Afterwards, you can gradually increase the number of rakats and return to your previous routine. As for your doubts, what exactly are they?

[Opinion Owner]

Let me also tell you this: It is impossible for a Muslim to never commit a sin in their lifetime. Indeed, only Allah, the Angels, and the Prophets are free from sin. But we, the other Muslims, will inevitably commit sins in our lives. The important thing is to first acknowledge that the sin we committed is a sin and to repent for it. Likewise, in the hereafter, if a Muslim has more good deeds than sins, such as missed prayers, missed fasts, and violations of the rights of others, they will enter Paradise without going to Hell. You said Islam is a very demanding religion. Let me give you an example. Even very successful students can inevitably answer questions incorrectly on exams. Even if they get a perfect score on one exam, they might make one or two mistakes on others. Nobody is perfect. If you act as if you will never sin or make mistakes, you might find yourself in such a situation.
Also, please don't think that you've abandoned Islam because you committed a few sins. No Muslim abandons their religion unless they deny that something is a sin. Let me tell you, I am a Muslim born and raised in a Muslim country. I do my best to pray and live according to my religion. But may Allah forgive me, I have sinned. The important thing is not to deny that something is a sin, to repent, and to try not to do it again. I think your problem is precisely obsessive thoughts. For this, you can read these prayers: Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Nas

[Opinion Owner]

A small correction. If a Muslim's good deeds outweigh their sins in the hereafter, that Muslim will go directly to paradise without going to hell. However, there are some exceptions; not performing prayers, not fasting, and violating the rights of others. Therefore, you should first try to avoid these. (The previous example was mistranslated because I used a translator)

[strateguy632]

You are right to FEEL it is not a FAITH to Accept. Follow your feelings and study other faiths. Plenty of people switch from the faith that parents said.