Search Results: will it ever work

I hope that my question is chosen as great since I really can use so much support right now.

We are renewing our vows but I would enjoy a courthouse wedding. I don't wanna spend thousands of dollars right now on a huge wedding. Especially not right now, but maybe down the road. My husband and I would love to go to the courthouse to renew our vows. Nevertheless, family members that have been cut off expect an invite still. His mom, siblings, nieces, and nephews are the only ones going to be present. I want a small family only wedding.

While my spouse was away for work, people treated me with disgust and ruined every aspect of my character. My husband was well-known in our neighborhood, but he kept his personal and professional lives apart. He did not bring his real life outside of the home.

We live in a small gossiping community where everyone wants to know your business, and if they don't know anything about your life or you're not a member of their so-called "clique," they'll spread rumors. I stay at home and keep to myself, but that's not enough. This town will continue to spread rumors with "I heard". People in this town will say "Oh, I heard that his water is cut off" if you pee in a garbage can with no one around you. You can go to the store and mind your own business. As soon as you arrive home, someone is going to call you and say, "Girl, I heard you were in the store spending so much money; how are you doing?"

There are people that live in our community that you haven't seen ever before. It is hard to date people here because the gossipers wanna control that as well. The community we live in makes it hard to live here unless they know your business.

I just wanted to express why I want a closed private wedding. I want to live my life in this community without the community interfering with my life and destroying it.

Prior to this job, I worked in financial aid for ~2 years. That was my 1st time ever working in the field but before that job I was an academic advisor. Early on during training when I was on a call with a trainer, I ended up breaking down crying bc I felt overwhelmed. I ended up pushing through & the trainers let my new team know that I was doing well. Eventually ended up having higher metrics compared to a lot of people on my team. Anxiety was always there but I got *better*, I was miserable at that job though due to the workload.

Now I’m in my 3rd week working for another school remotely in FA again, this is a school I’ve been trying to get in at for almost as long as I was at my other job (mostly bc of pay). I’m training by myself with the manager & I like her so far, she keeps telling me that I’m doing a good job (I’m not asking) & she felt the need to let the whole team know that I’m doing good/picking up fast when I was introduced to them earlier this week. This job is more in depth vs the last job & she even told me that they only hire people with experience now bc of how much there is to it. When she first taught me something new, it took a few tries & I picked it up, then she teaches me something else & I get it the first try.

I made my first 2 calls today & I felt shaky, she also said nicely that the first few calls will feel like that/ it was obvious it was one of my first calls but I did a good job. I felt like a wreck + then she gave me another assignment of something I caught onto before but I ended up getting stuck this time. I was obv frustrated & it was right before I was done for the day but I just couldn’t think straight bc I felt so upset with my progress.

Am I being too hard on myself? Am I right to believe this might not be a good fit for me? I’ve been so upset since I clocked out & am dreading tomorrow.