Will only one partner wanting kids ever work?

Question

I want kids and my boyfriend doesn't. Were not at the stage of having kids but eventually we will get there then what? Will one partner wanting kids ever work? Will one of us resent the other will we find were just no longer able to make the relationship and if so what now? Do I just not deal with it till the time come then talk about? We've spoken time after time but nothing changes. We don't want ro break up but with this circumstance it is inevitable? please help

Realistic07 · Accepted Answer

Clearly, he’s not ready for that discussion, and to be honest, there’s still a lot of years both of you have before that discussion is even really needed. I’m sure you both have current aspirations that have nothing to do with children, hence college and such. That said I do understand your point of view and the want to have children.

The real question are, when do you want to have children, How many children do you want to have, Are you financially ready for children, and is your living situation able to support children?
All of these questions are highly critical to the thought of should you or should you not have children at any given point. I’m sure many of these questions you’ve already thought about, and it’s frustrating to you to have him be so closed off to the topic.

All said This is an important topic that any & every romantic relationship will have to discuss at some point or another. So I understand your frustration and his frustration in the differing points of views. I think you both have very similar answers to the questions I asked above With great misunderstanding or very, very different answers with great denial.

Understand, I don’t say that statement to make you feel bad. It’s just the reality of relationships, sometimes misunderstandings or denial of truths. One person’s perspective may not be another persons. Just as one person’s life is not another, their points of views and or truths of their lives may very quite vastly.

What is a exciting or happy concept to one person might be a depressing or sad concept to another. That said you are correct some hard things are going to have to be held in the highest regard at some point or another. It’s very hard to dedicate time to someone who doesn’t share a core value.

Having children to you is something that is based in who you are to your core. So having somebody not share, that is not only a bit scary but somewhat heartbreaking. That said it’s important to assess your situation.

Is the quality of the relationship worth it, is he just referring to as of this moment in life, might there be a point where it is reasonable, and what are his expectations if he were to become a father?

These questions can only be answered through conversation.
Speaking of which, for the sake of context and further conversation on the matter. What are your and his answers to some of these questions?

I feel like this, knowing that can I further assist. Nevertheless, I hope to this Point my answer has been somewhat helpful.

integrale77 · Accepted Answer

Doesn't sound very promising my ex didn't want kids and I did, I hoped she would change her mind but it never happened and she is still of a similar mind set in since relationships.

Way I see things you could hope he has a change of mind with time.
If you "accidentally" got pregnant it could go one of 3 ways:
1) it forces a change of mind.
2) he hangs around because he loves you but puts no effort in with the kid.
3) it forces him away and you end up a single parent.
You could accept things will never change and have no kids.
Or finally the last option is to move on to someone else who wants kids.

Has he ever addressed the reason he doesn't want kids?
And have you ever posed the question what would he expect if you did end up pregnant?

SugarSugarplum · Accepted Answer

I know a couple like that.
She wanted kids and he didn't.
She had a kid.
He told her he would not participate in any way in raising his own daughter.
He cheated.
She cheated.
He went to prison for running a prostitution ring.
Now he got out and got divorced.
He wants to have contact with his 16 year old daughter.
She wants nothing to do with him.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

Nope. My friend met her then hubby… they were so in love and he was always soooo googled eyed over her…. Married in Hawaii… lived happily till one day he wants kids and she doesn’t … he had to divorce her…

now met someone new, married and have 2 kids.

my friend is still lonely and sad…. But was her choice.

did he give a reason why he doesn’t want kids?

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the choppy waters of the big "kids or no kids" question can feel like trying to sail without a compass. Love, let me be your lighthouse guiding you through this. If one partner dreams of baby giggles and the other cherishes quiet mornings, it's not an automatic relationship shipwreck, but it certainly raises the stakes.

The fact you're already talking about it is a great sign, even if those talks haven't changed the course yet. Communication is key, and it's essential to keep that dialogue sailing smoothly. However, if the compass always points in opposite directions, resentment might start to brew like a storm on the horizon.

It's not about waiting for rough weather to hit; it’s about preparing your relationship boat for all conditions. Consider exploring deeper into why each of you feels the way you do. Are there underlying fears or dreams steering these desires? Would counseling or therapy help navigate these treacherous waters?

Breaking up over differing life paths is a potential outcome, but it's not set in stone. The crucial part is making sure neither of you ends up living a life filled with regret because you didn't pursue what was truly important to you. So, keep sailing through these conversations, love, because understanding and compromise might just be the discovery that awaits. 🚤💕

Med_guy1978 · Answer

I don't believe it will make a happy relationship so it probably wouldn't work but I could work if the female wants kids as she can always make it work. However, better find a man who wants kids so he doesn't resent the children or woman if it does happen and he is against it.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Realistically, no. If you can't find some agreement, or at least compromise, it's not going to work out. Avoiding the issue is just kicking the can down the road.

Anonymous · Answer

Originally the only reason for divorce was failure to produce children, because marriage was entirely about providing security for the same children. This is because 2 otherwise independent adults have little to no advantage in being forced together by such a union.

BetaBucks · Answer

He'll grow up eventually, and almost for sure want kids. If you're dating guys your own age, you have to remember that guys mature way tf slower than girls. Guys catch up in their late 20s, most of the time.

Anonymous · Answer

Kid, you’re god damn 18 years old, you guys shouldn’t even be THINKING about children, I fully understand him not wanting them, because if he’s under the damn age of 25 he shouldn’t! Slow the hell down and stop self sabotaging something that could be really great over stupid ass things that should be years and years in the future. Have fun and enjoy your life.

Berethor · Answer

Well you the one who is wasting your time the most, if a girl worth it I might try to change her mind, most girls don't worth it, without kids a relationship is pretty pointless.

molonski2 · Answer

You are 18 years old , don't worry about this stuff , plenty of time , you will go on to have different boyfriends , this is just one , don't focus on childbirth , just have fun.

Anonymous · Answer

if he's the same age as you, then maybe but he'd be too young to be thinking about kids

if he's older than you by a noticeable margin, then there's something wrong with him to be keeping you around like this

Minky17 · Answer

No it won't. This will be the saddest relationship and you'll waste years trying to convince them to have kids with you. It's not worth it

bowenw · Answer

That is something you should be in complete agreement over from the start of a relationship you see as being serious and long-term.

Ironic_Method · Answer

It's possible for either person to change their mind on having kids, but I wouldn't expect it. That's a very big life decision and usually you're better off finding someone with the same goals.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Your time is valuable... set a timeline. If your partner isn't there by then... bounce. Depends how old he is too. I didn't start thinking about family until 26-28.

ItsaMeMaik · Answer

To be honest. I dont think that will work, you will be very unhappy at some point, IF he doesn't change his mind about that 🙈

SixFootSexy · Answer

Having children? ... In this economy? Hope you've got a good job and a lot of faith.

SolitarySolace · Answer

No. They should break up because if they stay together they'll find a way to have a kid with their partner.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Only if one or the other changes this opinion.

woahhh152 · Answer

It won't work. Don't take your relationship to the next stage if you both disagree in important decisions

Anonymous · Answer

Unlikely to work and you need to find someone like minded for a happy family life.  But. You're very young and so is he.  Maybe he'll come round to the idea.

glennos89 · Answer

Probably not unless the dream of having children willbe put aside

pickles77 · Answer

He’s gotta be on the same page. If not there is a decent chance of being a single mother.

Reijen · Answer

Yeah, best to have the hard conversation about that now.

Mattc007 · Answer

No, both of you must be on the same page. Raising a child is a huge responsibility and everyone involved should be excited for it!!

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Take a hint and end it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Not in any healthy, long term fashion.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Looks like you want to find out

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

it won't workout, so breakup and quit wasting time

QuietRunner · Answer

No both of you need to want kids

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's will never work

Update_Available · Answer

If u are 18. leave it this idea

nolabels · Answer

Nope.

Aphroditee7777 · Answer

No it will not it’s a big thing

jojouzumaki · Answer

Not at all.

jahaims · Answer

Nope

Babygirl_S · Answer

Not for me

In_Trance · Answer

Never

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