Why is it such a requirement for so many men to have a partner who wants kids?

Question

I'm 27. I'm someone who doesn't want to have kids. I have no maternal feelings. It's just not the life I want. That being said, I do very much want a long term partner. I have a good job, I'm loyal. I'm a good partner. But I'm learning at my age there's SO many men who want kids or are on the fence. Which either ends the relationship or is going to leave me with someone I'm afraid is just going to leave me in 5 years when they decide they do actually want someone to have their babies.

I'm not saying wanting a family isn't valid. It is. I'm just struggling with the fact I may not find someone that wants ME as a person. And not just me as their future baby incubator. It's wearing me down.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

It's selfish to tell your partner to not have an offspring of their own just so they can be with you. The best thing you can do is find you someone who doesn't want to have kids, so at least the two of you are on the same page.

The reason why most men want to have kids is because men care about lineage and legacy more than women do. Everything that we do, why we sacrifice ourselves in war to save the women and children. It makes sense. See, that gives us a purpose to live because without that, life is absolutely meaningless. I may be too young to talk about this, but I do think a lot about the responsibilities that I will have to take care of when I become a father, and I try to plan everything down to the finest of details. I believe that having children of your own is your gift to humanity, and it's also my way of making the world better by raising decent and competent children that want to make an impact.

Of course, I understand that not everyone thinks the same way, but you should know that if your parents had made that decision, you wouldn't be here today. To me, it's a blessing and a gift and kids are the only people that one can love unconditionally. I have cousins that are young enough to be my neices and nephews and I do absolutely anything to protect them, and to me I always knew that one day I wanted to have a family of my own. At the end of the day, to each their own and as long as you're happy, there's no problem but please make sure that you are not pressure anyone to give up having kids for you instead of finding someone who thinks exactly the same way.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Yeah, dating is hard. Everyone thinks they know what they want, but what they want isn't always what they need.

I have two kids, can't say I ever wanted or didn't want kids. I guess I was an on the fence type guy. I had kids because my wife wanted kids. But if she didn't want kids that would of been fine to with me.

I love my kids, so I don't regret having kids... but I am just saying it was never an aspiration of mine. I just figured that at some point in life I would meet someone special. And marrying someone that made me happy was priority one to me. Then I just assumed she'd probably want kids, because that's what men and women do. But if she didn't want kids, then I probably still would if been good with it.

The thing about wanting or not wanting kids, is very, very, very few people have them and then regret, or are willing to admit that it was mistake. Or say that they wish they didn't have kids, later. But when you don't have kids, there's always an unanswered what if? At some point you get to an age where you look back and at least have to wonder.

With that said, do NOT have kids unless you're 100% certain you want them, and are completely committed to it. If you are not then it's a mistake you never want to make.

In end I picked the wrong women, I had my children with wrong person. I don't regret having kids, but I do regret having them with the person I chose to do it with.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Ugh, I understand what you're going through anon; I do. I don't like or want kids either, and make that clear upfront to any man interested in me- that way if the feeling isn't mutual, we're not wasting each other's time.

I suggest you do the same: when dating or looking for potential partners, make that known upfront: yes, it might seem early for some, and some people might disagree that discussing kids in the early stages of getting to know someone is WAY too early and unnecessary. But I rather tell them sooner than you start connecting with someone, only for him to want kids and you don't... then you're both disappointed.

There are men out there that feel the same and don't want kids- the hard part is just finding said guys.

Haha456 · Accepted Answer

because you need to realize that men cannot have kids according to their own free will. Women control reproduction. Single women can have kids if she desires. A man cannot just have kids because he wants them.

So this is why its so important for them to find a woman who wants kids or is able to have kids. It's likely the same reason why men refer to "women who do not want children" with such contempt and disgust. Because they know they need a woman to make their wishes come true.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Because they want a family in the future? Plus it's an internal instinct/ drive in most humans to procreate like any other species. It's survival response to keep your species and bloodline going. But anyway, just look for men who don't want children, there's plenty of them out there. You have to make it known and be upfront about it. If you're doing online dating, ibthink there are sites just for people like you and it will make it easier.

Guy13 · Answer

Something here is not making sense. Where does this girl live? I’m here with the maledom holiday committee and the verdict is, “she ain’t right”. Only one ☝️ of five, that are Daddy age, want children. And, “can’t find a girl who doesn’t want to have a Baby since the Abortion bomb dropped.’
I got a question from the single Dad of the group, “No birthing pains…I come already prepared like an MRE…what’s your calendar like?”

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

You're looking for someone incredibly rare. From meeting so many people, life has lead me to believe there are two types of people who don't want kids.

There's people who actually have great jobs, travel the world, have literally hundreds of friends and they spend all of their free time... I guess doing stuff, usually outside the house. They just want to squeeze as much out of life as possible.

And then there's the people who are just afraid, they have been lying to themselves, sometimes literally since they were small children. They hate the idea of dieing from childbirth, they are afraid of the idea of seeing a living person as more important then themselves. These people are usually depressed, low energy and have their entire world view built around convincing themselves that they don't want kids.

I'm not saying everyone or you are like this. But I am saying that I can't think of a guy who doesn't want kids that isn't either in the first category or is just a loser you probably wouldn't want to date.

The reason guys want families is because we don't want a wishy-washy lifestyle. We want to create stability. That's what marriage is for, that's what kids are for.

The problem with society now is that we all think we ere the most important person in the world. We think that being respectful, sacrificeing for others and putting the past behind us is for gullible fools. It's no longer seen as something that makes you a greater person.

SpokenTruth · Answer

Wanting children was a HUGE part of my life. And as can be seen here by all despite the reputation given men by evil feminism and evil a evil society that follows evil, MEN LOVE CHILDREN you have acknowledged this fact.

Children were to be a HUGE part of life I missed out on due to feminism and the push to vilify men. Now men can't even go near the children due to a evil backwards society that has promoted the men are dangerous to children propaganda. I had so much to teach children, I can't either, I couldn't have my own, I can't adopt them, and I can't go near anybody else's children either, I deeply resent that too.

It's off topic bringing it up however a great opportunity, haven't you noticed child predators are always presented as men? It's because they have a agenda to separate men women and children the same ones that brought you feminism. And feminism has done a huge portion of their work aiding and abetting them well and I deeply resent them for all they have done.

But as you probably now know feminism is a lie it's brainwashing and it has brought society down to its knees. Feminism teaches women lies it teaches women the very opposite of how things actually work in life. Feminism has done serious damage to society even convincing women murdering children is good and having children is bad.

Anonymous · Answer

To the asker you are free to feel this way and not have kids. But you exist in this world because your parents wanted kids. I understand you might say, well my parents want A, B, C but I want X, Y, Z. Guys and men naturally want to start a family. You want the cold hard truth. Guys who sleep around do it to fill a void in their life. Many women nowadays want to sleep around as well or have an OnlyFans account. Many women just want the money from her career, the attention on her beauty and that's it. The family structure was something that many people (guys and girls) thought about as part of their future goals in life this can go back to the 80s, 90s, to mid 2000s. Now, people just want to be recognized through different outlets by strangers. Having a family is special. Girls say guys are assholes and cheaters. I know plenty of guys who are loyal but they will sleep around because girls aren't loyal these days either. These guys will tell me, "bro, I just want to find one girl and be happy with".

To any women reading this, if you say fuck marriage and fuck kids and that is 100% oppression. Mark my words, 20 years from now, 50 years from now, 100 years from now. I do believe women will want to be more modest and go back to wanting to have children and loving and nurturing. She can hold down a job. But the roots of this world today is to be narcissistic, worry about yourself, make money and that's it. This political/social/economic structure is a joke. Governments don't want people to be well-informed of the bullshit they produce and create, they want families to be broken and for traditional values to be eliminated. I get annoyed when girls lose their shit when guys like a girl with traditional values. To ladies reading this, us dudes don't mean just cook/clean, while some guys are like that, not all. Just like there are girls who want to be with a guy that commits acts of chivalry.

Pegases · Answer

The fact that you refer to a woman that wants to have kids as nothing more than a baby incubator is incredible. You have some healing to do. That's the real issue here. Once youve taken the time to heal from whatever truama you've experienced in the past, you'll find a partner that aligns with who you are, and what you want. You can not want something without devaluing those that do want it. That's the problem with feminism today. Women who do want to have kids, are constantly degraded by other women for it, as if reproduction isn't the genesis of the life you and I have today. Smh. Heal please, don't date until you have.

Anonymous · Answer

They might want YOU but if you don’t want kids and they do you’re just not an option no matter how much they’d like you. You really expect people to give up their dream and desire to have children to be with you? That’s delusional. People may fall for you but that’s such a deep dealbreaker they’d just have to get over you. You’re not that special that you’re worth giving up their life dream and goals for. Nobody is. Get over it. And them deciding not to be with you is not because they’re looking for ”an incubator” (wtf, your worldvoew is messed up as f) it’s because they’re looking for a compatible partner who they love for WHO SHE IS and want to share their life with, but who ALSO shares their dreams and longterm goals. It’s so messed up that you don’t get this. It’s like you deciding to be with a guy who wants to have 15 kids and give up your plans to be childfree for him and have said 15 kids because you love him for him. Sound reasonable?

ManOnFire · Answer

I get where you're coming from. I don't think I really want kids anymore either, but still open to a lifelong partner. I like kids and kids always like me, but I just feel like I don’t want to raise any in the kind of world we're living in now.

I honestly had no idea that so many men expect a woman to want kids. It always seems to be the other way around, that women want to settle down and have a family while a lot of guys just want to go around and sow their wild oats. But I definitely get where you’re coming from.

ThinkFitness23 · Answer

My partner wasn’t keen on children when we got together, it took about 7-8 years into our relationship for her to want kids.

This was less about our relationship and more about her changing/getting older. Now been together 10 years and and want for kids started about 2 years ago, we are 38 now no kids together I have 2 boys from a previous relationship.

Moral of the story you stance may change.

Men also naturally want to reproduce, this is why we are drawn boobs, bums, hips etc.

When I was younger hearing a woman didn’t want kids was a bit of a green flag lol

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Oh really! And why did you chose not to have a baby? How can you love someone or want to have a family if you don't want to have any baby?
Anyways i understand what you're saying and it's your choice, at least your honest but be sure that a man who truly loves you will always love you with or without babies!
In the end, even if you have babies, you will end up both with each other again without kids, because only a husband and wife are together forever, kids will grow to have their own lives and families!

If a man wants a baby, it doesn't mean that he won't love you as a person!

Sour-rose · Answer

It's what society wants and always have been. Man and woman must have children. MUST. :)

And if you don't... well you're a selfish bastard who doesn't want to share the pains of having a child and not engaging in the the pain of other parents. That makes you a bad person... in their eyes.

DoctorSex · Answer

It starts with our biology,

Men look after many sentient sperm, all independent. He literally sits on an empire.

Ye are all kings of an empire.

Im order to develop his empire, he needs an oven. That's the female.

For a man to not want kids is not impossible to imagine, however we biologically are inclined to materialize our empire.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

Malgaran · Answer

I don't want children, so certainly exist men who don't, but I know what you mean. Seen it myself how crazy society and people are about everyone having babies. Most of them don't even have their crap together to even be a good parent. I think it's kinda sad and ironic, the people who should not have kids, have kids and people that should, don't.

Either way, you do you, you don't have to convert to any society "standard".

CubsterShura · Answer

It's just that regardless of gender most people want children. And men want children more than women because they aren't the ones going through pregnancy and childbirth and postpartum physical and mental challenges and breastfeeding and toddlerhood... It's very easy to want children when you know someone else will take care of them for you.

Good luck in finding a child-free man. They are hard to find but they are out there.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

As someone who doesn't want children (tho I don't know about you but I'm willing to adopt), I feel you. Also shows that people don't really want you about YOU to begin with. I would suggest that you make this clear as soon as possible. Maybe even in the first date. Good luck!

Phoenix98 · Answer

Because I want a family I want to leave something behind, a legacy I also don’t want my family name to die with me. I want to raise kids I want that joy and I could never be with someone who’d expect me to give up my desire and dream.

thats extremely manipulative.

NathanDavis · Answer

if you see women as "baby incubators" that alone is going to give you more trouble than the fact that you personally don't want to start a family

that does bring all kinds of negative vibes and connotations

Angelo75 · Answer

Well I've heard about women who at a later age would start getting an intense feeling to still have kids. Some of them even land in depression because now that they DO want kids, they don't have a partner who wants kids... or they have difficulties to have kids.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Well, if the guy wants kids, dating who you are as a person is compromising on a really huge part of something that would make him happy in life. Going beyond whether you are a “baby incubator” for the guy, the fact you describe motherhood that way is kind of the whole point of why men aren’t interested in sacrificing their dream of having kids in order to be with you.

annabananna · Answer

Giving you having kids is a HUGE thing to expect of someone just to be with you. It makes sense that someone would want to be with someone that shared the desire to want kids. You just need to find someone that wants to share your lifestyle of being child free.

HoneyButterCup525 · Answer

Iv been asking the exact same thing. I'm like you who don't want kids and want a long term partner. Some guys did dump me for not wanting kids and its a sucky feeling. I'm 31 and still trying to find a guy who can feel the same as I do as well as the same mindset.

QueenBeeJay · Answer

This is an odd take. What kind of answer do you want here? Yes, many men want children, perhaps more men than women as they don’t have to be pregnant, give birth, etc. but why are you trying to shame men who want kids? Do you want a man who wants kids to give up that dream to be with you? I’m just confused at what you’re trying to say here.

Anonymous · Answer

I am happy the major of the women who commented can see how ridiculous your post is.

I don't see anything wrong with men having their standards. Just like How I hear many women say they will only date an educated man.

And now you're mad because you have to meet someone's expectations. So sad, too bad.

thatssuppy190 · Answer

Let me guess, you re a liberal atheist? Im saying this becz those are the people who dont want responsibilities nor do they want to take on a burden for the sake of happiness or creating a family and be part of a community. Because these are strong inherited values human beings have which ultimately makes humans happy. So dont shame men for having these wishes and be ready for a boring, unfulfilling and depressing life

ronaldo75 · Answer

Pussy without strings is basically available EVERYWHERE in the USA these days. There's really no reason to get into a relationship with a woman unless something is being added to the package deal. Things like family and kids. A strong female partner who's going to be there for you no matter what. Why should a guy wife you up if 1) you won't have kids for him and 2) you'll leave him the second he gets sick or loses his job? Exactly. He shouldn't.

A_Bell · Answer

You should re-read that and see how insulting to men AND women. You sound troubled and perhaps you should work through those before destroying the dreams of some poor guy.

RiseofArtemis · Answer

Because children are Biologically what men want. They want to have their own child. To spread their genes. A woman that doesn't want children is, (I don't want to offend you but I can't express it in any other way) worthless for a man to have.

sassy_receptor · Answer

huh? lots of men don’t want kids especially today. stats show men collectively are at an all time high when it comes to not wanting kids. and more men are getting vasectomies than ever before. you’ll find someone with no issues.

Anonymous · Answer

I hope you're being hyperbolic, but I see this type of mindset in women a lot. A man who wants sex only wants you for sex. A man who expects some housework done only wants you as a maid. That's not the way normal people think. A lifelong partner is supposed to meet all expectations, spoken or not. If a man wants a family, he doesn't just want an incubator, it's just one of his requirements and there's no need for the shaming tactics.

Anonymous · Answer

Bearing a raising kids isn't easy. It's typically a hallmark of most women to want to have a raise kids. When a woman doesn't want to it can be very concerning. It can be a red flag that she's selfish and incapable of sacrifice. Well I guy would be dumb to commit to a woman like that.

Anonymous · Answer

That's a tough one because it is a fact of humanity that the primary purpose of relationships and sex is to pass on our genes through reproduction and raising a family, and most people develop a very primal urge to do that eventually.

On the bright side, there are some men who are like you in that they don't want children. You just need to find one, and I'm confident you will. Hang in there and good luck.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Because having kids is a big thing. For me and a lot of other people, including you, it's a deal-breaker issue. It just happens in this case you are in the minority side of the deal-breaker, so dating becomes harder for you.

NikosBlackwood · Answer

This was the value that was instilled in so many AS kids. We were all raised to "grow up, get a job, have kids, raise them, die." And a lot of people- guys AND girls- grow to hold on to this.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Now you're making that up. It's not a requirement, it's a preference. If a man wants children of his own, he has no business wasting time with a woman who doesn't want children or is indecisive about it.

aaron210419 · Answer

You're allowed to have a choice of wanting children or not, just like some guys are allowed to want them. I feel you though I'd like a long term partner but no children.

On_cloud_wine · Answer

There’s a guy out there with baby mama drama that I’m sure doesn’t want anymore kids

Mia-Wallace · Answer

Because they do. 🤷‍♀️ I guess you should cope with reality.

PizzaPieMamaBear · Answer

Guys want to have kids it’s in the nature. Why don’t you want to have kids out of curiosity

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

It’s not a requirement for me, I rather buy a goldfish instead.

Anonymous · Answer

You have to find someone who doesn’t want kids therefore you have to try and mention it early when meeting a men. But your desires might change later in life. Never say never.

inhua · Answer

hmmm... a baby incubator... is that how you see your mom as?

Berethor · Answer

Biologically woman's main purpose is to be a mom, lacking maternal instinct is unfeminine.

AmeerX · Answer

Calm down, you are scared of rearing a child. Look you should not think of it as a bad thing or as a baby incubator. Your husband will help with it too. So don't worry about it

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If a dude says he's on the fence, that means he's a go-with-the-flow kind of guy and he'll generally be open to whatever his wife wants to do. So you don't have to worry about that.

tfan1 · Answer

If you don’t want kids and to make sure that doesn’t happen then you might want to get tubal ligation aka getting your tubes tied.

TroyDT2 · Answer

I'm sterile so my problem is the opposite. The women close to my age all seem to want to start families.

Anonymous · Answer

you're not alone there Lady. I have the same problem but with the girls wanting kids. Seems like for us we have to go through additional vetting to get what we want.

I like money and loyalty as much as you do.

Redstang88 · Answer

We’re out there. Guess it’s just like finding a girl that wants commitment without kids, few and far between

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Wow. this is the most manipulative shit I have read in a while, lol...

ZenJen444 · Answer

Because the men you're interested in either don't gave kids or don't have a child of a specific gender they've been wanting. What you posted isn't true to all men.

OddBeMe · Answer

Honestly I’m seeing so many couples refusing to walk that plank. So maybe it’s your bubble. Are you religious, or in a religious community? They push kids in order to keep the con going.

Cubus · Answer

Because if one couple doesn't want kids, then another one has to have more than average kids to balance it.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

Simple answer just the men you’re dating. Maybe expand what you’re looking for. There’s plenty of men that already have or don’t want kids.

7Roses · Answer

No idea, I don't want kids either. I think a lot of men and women want them and its something that I also run into problems with when dating.

Pohjolan · Answer

Isn't it obvious? Men that selected a spouse that didn't want kids didn't pass on their genes.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because why even bother being in a relationship? We can just bang girls left and right, relationship is primarily about kids to make a family.

Anonymous · Answer

You might have better luck with divorced guys who have already had kids and don’t want more.

Anonymous · Answer

because of the biological drive to procreate. If you dont like it, dont date. Absolutely do not expect men to change for you.

Twalli · Answer

I feel you, but a lot of women want kids too. I was lucky that my girlfriend didn't.

dolemite89 · Answer

i don’t want kids either 🤷‍♂️ there’s more guys that don’t want them than you think

Why is it such a requirement for so many men to have a partner who wants kids?

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