Search Results: giving advice

My dad likes delicate, helpless women. I do too. It's been one (of several) problems in his marriage, and he tells me that he hopes I find someone competent and independent. But the problem is that doesn't interest me at all.

Obviously my dad is well-intentioned when giving me this advice. But I know my dad and I have our differences. Some of the problems he has had in his relationship won't be applicable to mine, but I question if this particular problem will, too. Besides, perhaps it's the accumulation of problems that lead to the failed marriage, not this particular problem alone.

So I wonder, am I a fool if I disregard his advice, and follow my heart to marry a sweet helpless girl? Or would I be narrow-minded to think my dad's relationship inevitably will reflect mine if I do? What do you think?

I am a white guy but I have made a lot of minority friends and acquaintances over the years. Particularly Latino friends and few black friends. Nothing I sought out to do just to be “progressive” or something. I judge people on how they treat me, the values they hold and simply if we can just get along. Coincidentally some of those people are minorities. All good.

However will admit it really does take more initial effort to really get to know someone from a different race. That in itself is not a “racist” characteristic. But people do have different life experiences and their ethnicity/race will influence that for better or worse. It takes effort and time to understand that.

However sometimes I see my minority friends making bad decisions and/or having the wrong belief systems that I know from an outside perspective isn’t good for them. However I find myself usually erring on the side of caution when it comes to giving them “tough love” advice. I get the impression that harsh but necessary criticism can be mistaken for ignorance or even prejudice.

Also the whole BLM movement only made this astronomically worse in my opinion. Sometimes white people give harsh criticism to minorities because they ultimately want to see them do better not because we enjoy being condescending.

Anyway the trick with “tough love” is it needs to be timed right. You have to trust and know the person cares for you. The have to trust the other person understands you and your situation. They have to know the right moment to deliver it. You also have to know they take no enjoyment criticizing you.

I’ve gotten tough love in the past both from white friends and even some of my minority friends. I know the didn’t enjoy criticizing me too. They were trying to slap some sense into me when I needed it.

But why is vice versa so much tougher with my minority friends?