My dad passed down his wisdom to me. Am I foolish to discard it, or narrow-minded to accept it?

[Anonymous]

My dad likes delicate, helpless women. I do too. It's been one (of several) problems in his marriage, and he tells me that he hopes I find someone competent and independent. But the problem is that doesn't interest me at all.

Obviously my dad is well-intentioned when giving me this advice. But I know my dad and I have our differences. Some of the problems he has had in his relationship won't be applicable to mine, but I question if this particular problem will, too. Besides, perhaps it's the accumulation of problems that lead to the failed marriage, not this particular problem alone.

So I wonder, am I a fool if I disregard his advice, and follow my heart to marry a sweet helpless girl? Or would I be narrow-minded to think my dad's relationship inevitably will reflect mine if I do? What do you think?

You'd be foolish to disregard his advice. You'd benefit to do as he says.

His advice should be kept in mind, but not followed strictly. You're your own person and will have experiences that differ from his.

You'd be narrow-minded to assume your relationship would follow suit. It'd be detrimental to do as he says.

Unsure/reveal results

[Apulu_Imback]

Well, no you are not either. Sure, keep your dad's advice in your mind because sometimes you should learn from someone else's experience. You don't need to break traffic rules and get into accident yourself to understand that it's wrong, you can just learn that from a person who has experienced the result of breaking traffic rules before. Keep your dad's advice in mind but again, a human heart won't be satisfied if it didn't experienced the thing itself and this is not a stupid and harmful preference you have. Go ahead and try out things you truly want to, you'll either win or learn but you won't be defeated. Compare the difference between the situation with your father and you and see if it's due to generational gap or due to the partner you both chose for yourself. But do keep your dad's advice in the back of your head, good experienced people have wise perspective to life.

[inhua]

it's a balance between these two. are you wise enough to know when to use the wisdom when appropriate?

the older generation can give good advice but sometimes the advice can be outdated and simply only a reflection of their time. our parents and grandparents grew up with socially encouraged monogamy and a commitment to internal and spiritual values.

these days it's all about hookup culture, promiscuity, no strings attached, cheating, cuckoldry, rudeness, entitled, victimhood, gaslighting, manipulation and a strong emphasis on superficial values like looks, money, status, height etc. the "bare minimum" these days is really just total perfection.

[BCRanger10]

Neither. You shouldn't assume that your relationships would go the same way, and the reason why is because you and your father are two different men. From what you've said here, I'd think and hope that you would have a better idea of how handle a relationship like this.

At the same time, he could also realize the problems his way of approaching relationships has caused for his own and wants yoi to avoid them.

If I were you though, I would go for the competent and independent type, but she would also still appreciate, admire, and respect her man taking care of her and the life they would build together in marriage.